My 8 yr old DD moods and behaviour

[Mammy77]

I'm open to suggestions.
My dd who is 9 next month, is completely wearing us all out with her tantrums, screaming, shouting, crying and general moodiness.
These moods seem to start at the same 3 times every day.

1. When I'm doing her hair and ready to leave the house for school.
   
2. When we get out of the car at home, coming from school.
   

And 3. About 30 mins before bedtime, until she actually settles in bed.
My 11 year old son, is so different. Yes he has his quick Witt moments, esp where the Xbox is concerned, but generally does as he's asked without any problems. But she's even upsetting him with her carrying on.
This morning for instance she is doing a bike thing at school and needs her hair fastened low to get her helmet on. So I did her hair a different way, to keep it tidy.
Well she totally went off on one, screaming to take it out. Which I eventually did otherwise we wouldn't have got out of the house.
Then we had a carry on about her coat she couldn't find. Which apparently was my fault, then her D brother's fault.
Then she opened the front door as she does every morning and started crying and screaming and carrying on that she hates school, she hates my son, she hates her friend and when she couldn't think of anything else it was the seatbelts fault she was in a mood.
My neighbours must love us!
Honestly I'm warn out and want to go back to bed !! Lol
This is like that every day and seems to be getting worse. Most of it is probably hormonal. I know we are getting to that age and her body is changing, but it's getting ridiculous.
You can't help her with homework because we're wrong and she knows better. Reading is a nightmare because she never want to do it.
Honestly I'm ready for sending her to land fill !! Lol
I've tried talking to her, but she "Doesn't want to talk about it." She does say sorry once she's eventually calmed down, but I think she thinks sorry is her get out of jail card half the time.
I've confiscated her phone for the night. I've made her miss her dance lesson/ swimming lesson, but she's sorry for one night then it starts over.
I've even thought about taking her to the GP.
My husband says to ignore her and I do try, but like this morning with the hair, sometimes it's easier to give in.
Help.

[EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic]

You have my sympathies as my DD can be like that. She’s done her own hair for a long time just for this reason.

One thing that does help is bribery. Could she chose the music or have her phone in the car if she behaves?

One thing that seemed to help is the Feelings Book. We are also about to start her in tween yoga to help her develop some relaxation techniques.

How does she cope in school and in out of school activities?

[Mammy77]

I will definitely look into the feelings book. Thank you.

Yes maybe giving her incentives to behave could help.
Some days I feel like all we do argue and fall out.
She's such a loving and thoughtful little girl 90% of the time it's the other 10%.

She gets very jealous when I have hugs with my son, or even the cats.
It's not like she doesn't get her share of snuggle time with me, she gets loads more than her poor brother. Who she batters to death every time he attempts get a cuddle.
At school and outside school activities she's as good as gold and everyone thinks she's an angel.
It's just us she plays up for. Which I suppose I should be grateful for in a way.

[EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic]

I’ve got an older DS too. I make sure he has time with me once she starts in bed so that if he wants a cuddle he can get one