Crazy tantrums

[Losingthwill]

First time posting here...hoping for some reassurance that what we're experiencing is normal. I have 2 boys, one is 2 years and 8 months, the other nearly 10 months old. My 2 year old used to be good at sleeping, and relatively well behaved, even when his brother arrived, however since the last part of last year things have deteriorated....we took his dummy away in November as he was chewing through them, since then he's had trouble settling himself back to sleep and calming down. Lots has happened in the last two months, his keyworker at nursery ( who he was very attached to ) left suddenly, there was a huge change in the children at his nursery (most of his old 'friends' left and all the others are much younger) and he went into a toddler bed about a month ago (which I'm now regretting). His brother has started attending his nursery (it's a tiny nursery so they are all together, no 'baby room's per se) which he doesn't like. Settling the baby in has been easy, but re-settling the toddler in (despite the fact he has been going to nursery one day a week throughout my maternity leave) has been hard, frequent crying and drop off and tantrums at pick up. For the last few weeks my eldest has been having occasional epic tantrums in the day. Not every day, but when they happen it can be 20-40 mins of screaming and kicking with no reasoning. Probably these are related to tiredness as he's now waking frequently in the night, refusing to go back down unless either myself or my husband sleeps in the room with him. Having had a bedtime of 7pm for his whole life it's now being pushed back and back by refusal to go to bed. No bedtime routine anymore, he won't have a bath unless under duress etc etc. Tonight he was woken at 12 by the baby crying (he doesn't sleep either but that's another issue!) And proceeded to have a huge tantrum. Screaming, kicking , hitting, throwing things. Refusing to go back to bed no matter what. It lasted about 1 1/2 hours. He eventually decided he was hungry and we have him some toast...he's now asleep with my husband on the floor next to him.....(,I know that's a disaster but at 2am we were exasperated).
My husband and I are really clueless as to how to handle it. Were trying to be firm but not angry (I'm better at this than my HB!) and consistent but it's so hard. I'm also quite taken aback by the aggression and duration of his tantrums... especially at night....is this normal? What do other people do? This week was my first week back at work so it's all really overwhelming.... Any support or advice would be gratefully received, even to know other people have had this and come out the other side. He's such a lovely boy when he's not tired, or hungry...

[EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic]

Hello and welcome to MN. It sounds like he’s had a huge amount of change and is trying his best to sort it all out. I don’t think giving him toast and sleeping with him is a disaster either, not if it gets you all back to sleep.

If you are having trouble with bedtime and sleep, what’s your bedtime routine now?

How’s his speech too?