I think my 3 year old son is autistic, second child due imminently, feeling overwhelmed- anyone?

[Mosquitoburrito]

I’m so exhausted and so overwhelmed by what my son might need just as I have another baby and how badly he might react. I really need some advice/ hand hold from someone whose been there- anyone?

[Mosquitoburrito]

No one?

[Unexpectedbaby]

Sorry I have no experience or advice but I didn't want to read and run. Is your midwife able to refer you to someone who can advise how to manage DSs response to the new baby? Amongst other things?

[uhoh2016]

No experience of autism but experience of a (almost)3yo and a new sibling. I think any 3yo will find it hard to comprehend a new born. Expect them to play up and act out for attention it's all fairly normal. Try to stick to any routines your already in and plenty of extra cuddles and reassurance for your toddler

[EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic]

No experience of autism either. Could you help to prepare him? Will he listen to stories? Tipsy and Tim have a new baby book and there are probably a few others at the library.

Have you decided what he’s going to do while you feed the baby? Could you put together a small box of stuff that he likes?

Is he under a Paed OP? Have you tried calling the NAS Helpline to see if they can offer any advice?

[Mamabear4180]

I have an almost 3 year old DD with autism and a 16 month old. As you know changes are hard for children with ASD. It's hard to know how he will react at this point. Try not to worry, keep his routine the same when baby arrives. Does he have a favourite TV show? Don't be afraid to let him have lots of screen time when feeding etc.

I bathed the baby separate and did (still do) separate bedtimes. It helped that my DD had her calming routine. It's hard with a newborn but I used to feed the baby while DD was in the bath, then put baby in the moses basket while getting DD ready for bed etc.

Do you go to any SEN toddler groups? These can be a godsend as they understand about ASD and will offer lots of help and advice and won't judge when your DS is having a meltdown etc. Have a look at the children's centres or any facilities for the disabled, sometimes they have toddler groups. I'm in the South East and there are local online groups too who do meet ups. The one I use is called 'we shine'. Have a google for things in your area. The more support you have the better.

I imagine you're feeling daunted? Try and keep as much perspective as possible, it will be ok and you can do this OP.

[Mosquitoburrito]

Thanks MamaBear I will look at local services. He is in a nursery full days Monday and Tuesday and mornings the rest of the week but they seem to be keeping him away from lots of the group activities as he has scratched other kids- they are a great nursery but I do t want him isolated. I really need to watch him closely in the bath so unsure how to feed baby whilst he baths. I’ve tried books about babies and dolls and he’s NOT interested and shows no understanding if baby coming. I’m so tired. He’s going through a phase of screaming all the time at the moment. My husband is realising how hard it’s been for me until now( he isn’t home until past 8 often and has not been as helpful as he could to put it mildly) but he finds me telling him not to do certain things or insisting on certain things which I know work with our son or wind him up, very hard to take. I have an appointment to have a consultation with a paediatrician specialising I’m autism in a month’s time. I feel guilty that I somehow caused this. I feel very alienated from everyone. It’s good to have some advice.

[Mamabear4180]

My DD screams a lot too and makes annoying whingey noises. It can be very draining. She doesn't understand dolls either and ignores her sister mostly. She has shown very little affection for her tbh but what happened ultimately is that her little sis became part of her world, a bit like a piece of furniture and she does miss her if she's having a nap or something so the good news is there is hope! It also made her more tolerant. I just took a pic of them because DD with ASD is asleep on the sofa and 16 month DD is sitting on top of her watching TV!

You haven't caused anything lovely, I've been through all these feelings too and it's bloody hard emotionally. Autism is something they are born with, it's not a reflection on you lovely. Being in your 3rd trimester I expect life feels pretty emotional and overwhelming just now. You got this, you really have and things will get easier. You're going to be a brilliant mum because you care about them so much. look after yourself and baby and keep being amazing.

[Mosquitoburrito]

Your post really means a great deal to me at the moment MamaBear and I love the happy image of your two dds on the sofa. Thank you for
that.

[Mamabear4180]

You're welcome