CBT just to get through the school run...(7 Posts)
My 5yo is upsetting me to the point where tbh I simply hate being a parent. He's often simply obnoxious, and particularly when it involves socialising. He does have close friends but he's aggressively possessive of them - if another child tries to join in he will object, maybe physically try to push them away or block the friend from playing; and usually will say out loud that he wishes they were dead, he wants to hurt them etc. And normally will end up coming back to me crying that his friend has gone away... He clearly gets bored of my company pretty quickly and always wants to socialise but doesn't seem to grasp that his behaviour is not gaining him the friends that he wants. I spent the summer holidays obsessively managing a social diary so that he had a playdate as many days as possible but I always feel like I am the one initiating playdates and we don't get asked back nearly so often.
He's not a fan of school but broadly its going OK, he's getting extra help with reading but other than that no intervention. But its his social development which is really upsetting me (he's an OC). He's obsessively attached to one boy in his class who frankly is a terrible influence on him behaviourally. The last couple of years in nursery and reception, we've built up a friendship with the family, and frequently helped each other out with pick ups and childcare; but towards the end of last year playdates became unmanageable, with their son initiating the naughtiness - flushing toys down the toilet, hiding another child's shoes in the park - and my son as the adoring audience (my sons bad behaviour- and he of course has plenty - is not nearly so clever and calculated as this). To the point where now the mum and dad; who we were last year quite friendly with; now literally blank me at the school and physically block the two boys from going into the classroom together. Which Im having a hard time dealing with, especially as it runs alongside my son constantly nagging for playdates with theirs, and telling me how he hates and wants to hurt any other child who tries to play with this kid. They have been partnered together by the school this year which does make it easier to get my son to school in the mornings but theres also underlying anxiety, as it feels like he cant cope with school without being glued to this kid all day long. I haven't had a chance to talk to his teacher yet and Im going to leave it till parents evening to give her a chance to get to know him. But his teachers in reception were lovely and beyond helpful and clearly worked with him on his jealousy issues - but it seems like nothing works.
Im posting here because lately I feel like Im constantly trawling mumsnet looking for suggestions or just some hope that a 5yo like this can grow into a lovely friendly and helpful kid... Im trying to read 'the explosive child' but for some reason I cant get into it.
I don't have the answer, but I had similar problems with my son. He was really cross with me if I picked him up from school, he wanted to go on a playdate, but no one had asked. What helped with my son was trying to get a more positive attitude in the house. I would praise him for anything he did well, and try to give him as much focused time as possible. Good luck.
I hope someone else will have more suggestions for you.
I don't think it's an "only child" issue, my 5yo dd is similar to this and she has a sibling.
I'm reading "the unwritten rules of friendship" ordered from amazon.
A lot of it is insecurity amd lack of confidence, I'm working on it with dd but it's very slow progress.
Thanks for that, I’ll try the unwritten rules as I’m struggling to get through the explosive child. I always feel it’s insecurity too...
Why are the other family ignoring you now?
I would arrange a meeting with the teachers and see what they think, surely they could encourage a friendship aside from this particular boy?
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