9 year old son being so difficult

[Movingon1611]

I am at my wits end with my son I don't know what to do anymore.
He's always been a very physical child constantly getting in trouble at school for lashing out at other kids but never hit at home.

His father and I split up in April and 3 weeks later he was introduced to his fathers new girlfriend- way too fast for my liking but not something I had control over.
Last month his father assaulted me in front of him- strangled me, beat me, kicked me etc
Since then my sons been so angry with me. Says he hates me, that he wishes his dad had killed me.
He gets in massive strops over the tiniest things, something he's always done but not to this extent or frequency.
He's only happy if he's having his own way. We went to Disneyland Paris 2 weeks ago and he ran off and got lost all because he didnt want to have lunch.
Social services said they were going to refer him to someone but I'm still waiting to hear.
I've been in tears this morning because he is just awful. Saying I'm a horrible parent, he hates me, I don't do anything with him.
He screams in my face and it's getting to the point where I don't want to be around him.
I have no family near by to help, it's just me and the kids- their dads been told to apply to court for access but he hasn't yet
I don't know how to help my son I just want him to be happy

[freida20]

wow poor you - don't beat yourself up about this - push to get the help and support you need. I'm pretty sure boys go through some kind of massive growth spurt at this age and are obnoxious and full of attitude. Having said this his behaviour and attitude to you is completely unacceptable - and you need to make that clear. My son was very angry after my split from his dad and was constantly saying nasty horrid things. he is taking it out on you because you are the one that is there.
I found i was geting really angry and upset which just excacerbated the situation ( i was pretty emotional after the split and my child being awful didn't help) after a while i was able to be a bit more calm about it and say thats not acceptable to speak to me like that - if you do that again i will (take away x / stop you friends coming round / stop pocket money) whatever i thought would be most effective.
can the school, a doctor, childrens centre help - refer you to a support worker?
Can you go to CAB for legal advice - it sounds like your ex should be nowhere near your child if he is demonstrating this kind of violence in front of him!!
really really sorry you are having to go through this.

[Movingon1611]

Thank you for your reply. I actually had a call today from family services who'd been given my details by social services and they are going to organise some play therapy for both my DC and some talking therapy for my son.
Hopefully it will help as he just flies off the handle at nothing so we need to find the root of the anger and get him to deal with it differently