11 year old hates step dad

[Numpty123]

I have been with my husband for 5 years and the last 2 has been very volatile ( to cut along story short he is an alcoholic) we've had many arguments when drunk which has resulted in him swearing and throwing things at me, unfortunately my daughter has witnessed some of this so I can understand her hatred. As a final straw I told him to get help or we are out which he did and is now on medication and therapy. My dilemma is my daughter thinks he has had too many chances and hates him but a side of me feels sad for him as still love him but do I leave because my daughter is unhappy. Just feel so confused what's the right thing to do

[Numpty123]

Any advice?

[user1486956786]

I hated my step dad. I hated the way he treated my mum. I don't think you can let her dictate your life but perhaps he shouldn't live with you until everyone rebuilds trust? It was horrid living with a man I despised.

[Numpty123]

I did think of that but unfortunately all our family live overseas and we haven't got the finances for him to stay somewhere

[corythatwas]

If I were her I wouldn't just hate him: I wouldn't feel safe in my own home with a man who had shown aggression towards my mother. I don't think you can make that unease go away just because he is having treatment: that is good for him, but might not help her. And she is at a very sensitive age where she does need home to be her safe place. Not sure what to suggest, but she does need to feel listened to.

[Oysterbabe]

You might get more responses in relationships. If it were me I'd ask him to leave until he sorted out his issues and worked hard to earn her trust again.

[RainbowsAndUnicorn]

Every day you let him stay you are telling her that your love life is more important than her.

He should move out whilst he seeks help and only move back in when and if she has a decent relationship with him.

Otherwise, like many of my friends, she will leave home as soon as she can and not look back and you will lose her.

[lelapaletute]

If you stay with him you are telling her it is ok for her future partners to swear at her, throw things at her and behave like a selfish immature prick to her and her children. She is afraid of him. You need to chuck him out and not look back. Why do you think you can't do better than a violent, mean alcoholic, for both yourself and your daughter?