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Scary behaviour with a knife

(3 Posts)
CookieTramp Sun 28-May-17 09:06:30

I am desperate for some advice. I have hardly slept a wink.

Our 8yo boy has always been loved, lived in a stable home, and had a fantastic bond with both of us. He has always had a worrying trait with his lack of self-esteem, though, and as early as 4 would say things like "just throw me in the bin" or "throw me under a car then" when he has been told off.

This has escalated the last couple of yrars to "I am going to stab myself". I have always either ignored it or said what a stupid thing to say. We have never allowed it to help him get his way.

Yesterday after a fun run we said he could choose lunch, because he had done so well in his spelling test. He chose McDonald's, which is a big deal because we hardly ever go. But on the way in the car he misbehaved a lot, bugging his little brother on purpose to make him scream, and shouting. He was warned twice he may lose the McD trip if he didn't stop. He carried on, so we turned the car around. He screamed and howled all the way home.

Seeing that his frustration was getting epic, I tried to talk to him to help him regulate his feelings. He started with his "you don't love me. I am going to pack my bag" and stuff like that. The screaming escalated, so I said I was getting his brother out of the house and taking him to McD because he had behaved in the car. At this point he screamed again, ran to the knife block, grabbed one and pointed it to his chest. He said "take me to McD or I will stab myself."

I froze initially. I was so shocked. I thought about grabbing it off him but thought someone might get hurt accidentally. So I stupidly cleaned some mud off the floor, to show him it was having no effect, then his brother came in the room. I swept him out of the house to McD, as I cannot have him seeing that.

After I left he carried on for an hour or so. DH removed the knives so he grabbed a hammer and said he was going to smash his own skull. DH ignored it and it finally calmed down.

I am at a total loss. He has never seen anyone behave even close to this way, he never has the Internet, and I oversee everything his watches. No tv or computer in his room. This behaviour is innate.

What do I do?

I had a very serious talk with him later. I don't know if it was a good thing or bad thing to say, but I said that must never ever happen again, and that if anyone got hurt he could be removed from the family and that it could be out of our hands. He was scared but in my opinion not scared enough I don't think. I said the feelings that brought him to that are normal and natural, but what he did was totally wrong and unacceptable. We discussed other ways of dealing with those feelings, like going to his room to calm down, counting his breaths like he has learned in yoga/mindfulness at school, or hitting a pillow. But I know when he is like that he is out of control and that wish to do something drastic will surface again.

Please advise. Who can we call? What should I say?

CookieTramp Sun 28-May-17 16:58:27

Bumping this as I am feeling desperate today. He has been as defiant as ever today, so I fear I did not get through to him.

DanieTedM Sun 28-May-17 18:13:49

Personally, I really think you should take him to a psychologist or a therapist to assess his mental state. This doesn't sound like normal behaviour for an 8yo and I bet it can be extremely concerning and worrying with another child in the house.
You don't want to let this continue and get worse and something more drastic happen. Start documenting down every serious accusation or thing he does. I'd definitely be seeking some professional help it sounds like he has a lot of anger in him.

I hope you're ok, I bet this is so difficult x

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