4.5 year old awful behaviour :(

[user1464795209]

Hi everyone
So this post is about my son and his behaviour . He is 4 and half and to be honest his behaviour has me worried . I think it probably goes beyond normal for this age . It's really getting me down as I wish I knew exactly what i would take to get him to just be more reasonable and happy . He still has major temper tantrums all
The time over almost everything and his behaviour has become extremely defiant . He will not think twice about screaming horrible things at me for something as simple as me asking if he wants lunch 'no go away right now !' .. he seems to enjoy winding others up children or adults and constantly teases his little sister to the point where I can't leave them in a room together alone as I can almost guarantee she will
End up crying from being hurt or annoyed by him. Nursery say they also see this behaviour regularly and that he doesn't seem to be bothered about any kind of discipline .
He is very moody and generally makes every day a major battle . I love him to bits but he's being such hard work that I don't know how to deal with the behaviour anymore . I've done ignoring I've done time out/ time in, I've done soeodninf time alone wth him when lo naps etc etc nothing changes his defiant and moody attitude sad
He refuses to say hello to almost anyone that says hi to him and will growl at people
For no reason at all ... have I gone wrong somewhere?
It's got to the point now where I don't go and meet mum friends as I get embarrassed at the way he speaks to me and others . He doesn't seem to understand consequences at all .

Any advice ? Thanks x. X

[user1483387861]

My 4 and a half DS is a bit like this. He has become really defiant, pushes the boundaries constantly and is really aggressive towards DD. I also cannot leave them in the same room as she will end up crying.

I think there's a few factors contributing to it. He's not at school yet but is ready and so I think he's getting frustrated. I also think he's a little anxious about starting school in September. Boys apparently have quite a big testosterone surge at age 4 which could be contributing to aggressive behaviour. According to the equilibrium/disequilibrium childhood development stages, 4 and a half year olds can be difficult, so it's partly developmental. In our case, we also have a lot of jealousy towards DD as she is a demanding 18 month old who doesn't nap for long, so DS doesn't get as much attention from me as he needs. I'm trying to rectify this by carving out time at the weekend where I will just do something with just him,

[user1464795209]

Thanks so much for your reply it's reassuring to know I'm not alone . My dd is 19 months and also very demanding so I think it's part of that also x

[thisismadness77]

My 4.5 yr old is being horrid. Rude, defiant, whingy.

[Schoolchoicesucks]

Mine too! I don't remember his brother being like it at the same age.
Tantrums, making everything a battle, refusing to acknowledge people...
Tried ignoring the bad behaviour, removing treats, spending 1 on 1 time.
Any other ideas please share!

[mynotsoperfectlife]

Do you get down on his level and speak quietly but firmly?

[user1464795209]

Oh wow loads of us in the same boat ! Yes I do that but he doesn't really listen to me regardless :(

[Crazylou]

My nephew was similar to this for years he's just turned 10 and been diagnosed with Aspergers, I would monitor him and even get HV to assess him especially if he behaves like that in nursery aswell there's no harm getting some medical assessments

[user1464795209]

Yeah he doesn't have any sIgns to be honest . I don't Think it is autistm he's just playing up so much and knows he is. He smiles when being told off and seems to enjoy being naughty at the moment :(

[DesperatelySeeking2016]

Ours is the same Ds gets so angry and hits things/throws things/breaks things and once he is in a tantrum he can't calm down. I'm really worried about him starting school!

[dotdotdotmustdash]

This is a good read if you have a boy of 4...
sarahockwell-smith.com/2014/06/09/why-the-huge-testosterone-surge-in-young-boys-is-a-myth-and-what-really-causes-their-behaviour-to-change/

[user1464795209]

Thanks for sharing that link

[MrsDc7]

Ive just come on here with the intention of starting a post that is almost similar to yours. I'm currently sat on my bed on the verge of tears after having to put my (just) 5 year old son to bed after he had the mother of all tantrums. He shows off when people come round, is rude to me in front of other people (no thanks stinky face etc) and laughs when he's being told off. I'm consistent with discipline and there's none of this behaviour in school so I don't think it's an issue that needs SENs... it's just exhausting. He won't acknowledge people when they say hello and can be very moody. I hope he grows out of it - am feeling pretty crap tonight

[MrsDc7]

That should say almost the same not almost similar