I don't know how to help my son

[Wildfox90]

Our son will be 3 in July, and there are several things we are worried about, first and foremost is lack of vocabulary and speech delay or willingness to speak unless copying a parent, I'd say he has between 20-30 words (at a push) and he will only speak a handful of these of his own accord - he is bilingual English is his first language and French his is second (we live in France). Other things that concern us include tip toe walking, selective hearing and at times coming across as utterly deaf, not always answering his name, sensory issues with food (although a very good eater) uncontrollable outbursts of anger, no longer seems to have the ability to follow directions, uncooperative during our daily routines - no longer wishing to walk to or from crèche, not wanting nappy changed, not wanting teeth brushed etc... seems to be in his own world, tunes people out, gets very engrossed in whatever he is doing and doesn't like to be interrupted from his task, can be a little obsessive, prefers to play alone (although the crèche have commented that he plays with others more and more frequently now), gets upset if we stray from the routine at all. Super clumsy. And only recently started pointing things out and waving goodbye etc

We have had his hearing checked by ORL surgeon and there's absolutely nothing wrong with his ears (although some concern over adenoids, which may need removed at a later date)

Now, we have been in touch with a child development specialist here and she has assessed him, at crèche on two occasions under various different scenarios in their day to day routine and today we received a phone call with a time and date for a meeting to go over her expert opinion - apparently lots to discuss! But the meeting isn't for three weeks and in all honesty my guts are twisting, deep down both his father and I know there is more to this than "the terrible twos" that people dismiss our concerns with.

We work closely with crèche staff and they have admitted that he is difficult and they also feel there is more to it, typically the French children are very laid back and rarely tantrum, but recently, for our son he has been finding life just really difficult and is tantruming more and more. Some of the staff feel it may be the two languages that have caused a set back and that the tantrums may be due to not being able to express himself with words which we have taken into consideration.

I just don't know what to think or how best to help him with his emotions. We try to give him a rounded life, we read with him every day, we give him a varied diet, he paints a lot, he loves to sit with our dog and pretend to read to her, we go outside for a walk every day, regardless of weather come rain or snow or shine, we explore new places, he loves interacting with animals, he sleeps impeccably, we try to give him fun new experiences as often as possible, he has a great crèche with wonderful children and the staff are incredibly attentive and he is a sweet, loving little boy aside from everything else. We just want to help him, but we don't know how.

Sorry, bit of a ramble, I just needed to get my worries off my chest, even if no one replies!

[lummox]

I've sent you a direct message.

[OhCarrieMathison]

He sounds like he is ticking a lot of boxes for showing traits of ASD.
Hope that the meeting goes well and you get given support and signposted to services that help you implement strategies to help everything be manage Day to day routines.

[Wildfox90]

That is our concer, we do feel that he could well be ASD, but from everything I've read and all the resources we have looked at, it seems getting a diagnosis can be difficult here

[BarbarianMum]

I was going to suggest an assessment for asd too. Although I can't comment on the assessment process where you are, I suggest that you read up about asd and particularly asd, language and communication and try and find ways to help your son communicate more/better. This won't do any harm whether he has asd or not.

[Wildfox90]

The doctor who did the assessments at crèche was looking for signs of ASD, but it's still a bit of a wait before we see her. I've hardly slept for worrying.

Surprisingly the last couple of days, he has all of a sudden started trying to copy what we say, short phrases or sentences, although nothing clear. He will speak in line with his routine, when he knows what is coming next, such as "dinner time" "bath time" "bed time" always says "okay night night" after his bedtime story (he knows one in particular off by heart and often insists on reading his favourite book to us) his words often jumble into one, but he is trying.

I am concerned that we might struggle to get any kind of diagnosis and that they may refer back to the old 'bilingual' thing. When we initially started to have concerns, and went to our GP, we were told he was fine because he has good eye contact and that was the point it was suggested we went down the hearing tests route. We later got a second opinion, and again, we were told, "he has good eye contact so it can't be autism", and because during the five minute appointment he was happy to sit on my knee and hold my hand.

can anyone point me in the direction of good ASD resources and reading material?

We do flash cards with him, but he would rather take your hand and show you what he wants, we are slowly slowly managing to teach him he can bring things to us if he isn't sure how to ask.

I'd also be grateful for any ideas on helping him cope in new situations. He starts school in September and we are really worried about it.

[BarbarianMum]

If you post on the Special Needs section on here lots if peoplewill signpost you to resources. The fact that he is imitating you is brilliant, whether he has asd or not. It means he can learn by copying which is a really important developmentally.