My 2 year old temper strops

[Dibzytime12]

hi there.
I'm going through a realy bad patch with my 2 and a half yea old.
I suffer mental health issues and im starting to think she has picked up something the same
If i tell her no, if i take something away, if i try and help, she goes off on one. Im not just talking small. She will fly into a strop hitting kicking and what ever. The other week dad tryed to pick her up as she wasnt doing as she was told and we where by the road side (just out of nursery and about to get in car) She throws her arms into the air, slides out of his hands onto the avement. When he trys again she throws herself backwards headbutting the pavement. We take her to the hospital and she was fine.

I can get her in the buggy as it takes me 20 mins to do so. She also climbs out of the buggy when we are out. If we are shopping it makes this hard as i have to balance shopping on a buggy with a kid constantly trying to get out, constantly moaning all the time. Walking dosnt work as it takes me 15 mins to get to the end of my road. She WILL stop at everything and if she dosent wanna walk... she wont.
she rarely wants to play with me and i do try my hardest to make it fun. Even by ignoring her, playing on my own and all this stuff dosent work.
She hates leaving nursery which makes me upset as i feel she dosent want to see me and come home.
I just feel like this child is flipping inposible. and becuase she smiles and laughs at everyone when they come along no one ever believes me about it.
She refuses to sit on a naughty spot she wont go into her room alone.
I struggerling to cope with it to be fair!!! Help

[Amethyst975]

My DS (just over 2.5) can also go into meltdowns very quickly if he doesn't get his way. Sympathy!

How do you respond when she kicks off? DH and I used to get very stressed and we realised that DS was feeding off it. When we starting remaining really calm - just holding him firmly but gently and talking to him soothingly - it really helped. Sometimes we had to do this for AGES and we had a couple of really difficult days. But it really paid off and DS became calmer more quickly because we were calmer, and he was starting to learn who was boss.

Possibly you've already tried that but thought it worth mentioning as it's been so helpful for us.

[soundsystem]

To be honest, a lot of that sounds like pretty normal two year old stuff. Although I appreciate that's not much help! It is common for children to act out with the main care giver though a sn be sweetness and light with others. I find some solace in the rationale that it means there's a strong bond/attachment which is why they're comfortable pushing boundaries, as they know we love them unconditionally (I have no idea if that's true, but it seems logical and it makes me feel better about it!)

My daughter is the same age and can throw epic tantrums. How is her language? Can she otherwise explain what's wrong? I find mine is having fewer tantrums as her language develops she and she has other ways expressing herself.

I'm not sure the naughty step really works that young (haven't tried it)? We do a lot of empathising and explaining ("I know you wanted to run into the road, darling, but you would have got squashed that big bus, and I much prefer you not squashed")

[FATEdestiny]

Parenting 4 toddlers has taught me that the best way through this stage is to bypass the conflict and avoid the tantrum as much as possible.

Some examples:

• if you sit good in the pushchair while I go around the shops, I will take you to see the fishes before we go home (local aquarium pet shop in our town centre)
  

• I always have a large family sized bag of raisins in my handbag. Plus I often chuck and apple or orange in before we go out. Food is by far quickest method for compliance.
  

• My 2y7m old is loving 'surprise eggs'. They are available in most supermarkets. Plastic eggs with a toy and stickers inside usually and they are 50p-85p. These are great bribery. If you get in the pushchair we can buy one. If you are good you can hold the surprise egg while we shop. If you are good we can open it when we get home - delayed gratification.
  

• Constantly explain what is happening next, no surprises. We are going to get dressed now so we can take your brother to school. After we drop hin off we are going to the shop. we are going to the shop now, mummy will need you to sit in the trolley. I have an apple for you while you sit in the trolley, is that ok or do you want raisins?
  

• offer choices whereby you get what you want. The choice of fruit above is an example (It gets the child in the trolley- your goal). Or if you get in the car seat now, you can watch Peppa when we get home, or would you prefer Ben and Holly?
  

• avoid wherever possible physicalky forcing. Moving from roadside was necessary, but to carry on holding her through a tantrum isn't gaining anything. Likewise battling to get her into a pushchair. Better to find ways of getting her to go in willingly, rather than forcing against her will. Save the physically making her do something for emergency situations only.
  

• to tackle the fact she hates leaving nursery, have you thought about having a packet of sweets in the car? Or a biscuit? Some strawberries? Anything she might really want.