Help! My son has turned into a monster!(10 Posts)
My DS was 2 in December. He has always been such a happy, placid, polite little boy. 4 weeks ago I had our daughter. In the last 2 weeks he has changed so much and I'm really worried.
He throws huge temper tantrums for very little reason. For example, this morning he didn't want to eat his weetabix. Normally he would say "no thank you Mummy, had enough." But this morning he started screaming, crying, banging his hands off the table and shouting. He throws toys, his lunch and anything else he can find.
He is interested in his baby sister and wants to give her kisses and cuddles, and I know it will be a big adjustment to having a sibling. My husband and I are arguing constantly, and now it's started to happen in front of him which I really don't want to happen.
I feel so guilty that our DD has caused such a huge issue in our house and have been crying several times a day for the past 2 weeks. I don't know what else to do.
If anyone can offer any advice on managing this behaviour (I'm a teacher so I should know how to deal with this but apparently I don't!) and share any similar experiences I would be really grateful. I just feel very alone and unsupported right now.
Oh you poor thing I'm no expert but I'd say consistency and loving reassurance are the way forward. That and a lot of patience. Try not to argue in front of the lad. You and hubby need to present a united front. Good luck I'm sure it will get better.
You poor thing We had some of this at 3.3y despite utter love of new sibling. It's so hard because you're tired and hormonal and you have this huge sense of protection to new dc and huge guilt for dc1. It's tough going. It will pass. Allow his tantrums, it's his way of letting out feeling he doesn't understand and can't voice. Hold him if he'll let you. Be ok with his tears and say 'let it all out, I'm here'. He needs your unconditional loveright now. Try some special time just the two of you each day. My ds1 loved this and wheb strAngers stopped to admire baby he would tell them about our special time, it was hugely important to him. Hth. Know how it feels.
Oh dear! This happened to us. It was a perfect storm of age 2.5 - a difficult age anyway - plus new sibling.
Things that help
Constant reassurance that you love him, need him. One to one time when you can. Make him mummy's helper with the baby. Emphasise what a fab big brother he is (even if he isn't!). Emphasise the stuff he can do that the baby can't - eg "I love chatting with you DS, DD can only cry". Encourage him to use his words as much as possible - "I want to help but I can't understand you when you cry".
Congratulations on your new dd.
I'd say the chances were pretty high that your ds would have identified his toddler terrorist phase at some stage soon even without the birth of his sister. Toddlers are a flipping nightmare. There is no rationalising with them. They are all no inhibitions and wanting to be in CONTROLLLLLLL!
It's hideous, but generally you just have to do your best and wait it out, knowing that this is a perfectly normal (if exasperating) stage of development. In my experience they emerge from toddler hell around 3 1/2 and are perfectly lovely again from that point onwards.
Oh, and I found Toddler Taming highly informative. (Although I know some people really hate parts of it.)
it's not called the terrible two's for nothing!! Be careful not to put what is normal behaviour for his age down to the new arrival, it can be very tempting I know. Also the argueing between you and your DH is also very normal. Every one is stressed and frustrated, you are probably not getting as much sleep as usual and , (if I may be so bold) are probably wracked with guilt agt not being a good enough mom, especially as you are a teacher who should know better. My best advice, let it go, 2yr olds tantrum, they are renowned for it, it is neither your fault or your daughters, it's just what they do. ( word of warning who ever coined the phrase terrible two's , clearly never made it to 3). Don't pander to, high expectations and all that jazz. You and hubby will argue, this stage is the 'for worse' part of those vows. Nobody tells you that, but it is. The way to get through it is argue, but don't hold a grudge . Neither one of know what you are doing, you are both winging it to the best of your abilities and you will be for the next 18 yrs ish,.. but you will, once the haze has cleared, work out a way to do this together as long as you don't hold grudges. Let it go, pick your battles. You have enough to battles to win with the kids to put to much energy into battling each other. each of must make a point of saying sorry and 'I love you' after an arguement (yes even if you are still cross and don't really mean it in the moment, say it anyway) Good luck and remember, this to shall pass,.. and in the not very distance future the kids will grow up and move out big hugs
Great, and timely, advice on the rowing doubletroublemummy2, thanks for that!
No worries Mikado, I remember one of my and DH's arguements in the midst of double terrible 2's, it ended when I very seriously threatened him with a time out ,
Thank you all so much for your help and advice.
I've taken it all on board and have made a conscious effort to give him loads more praise than usual when he does the right thing and remain really calm. Hubby and I have had a big chat too and have agreed to be consistent with him. So far things are going well and we've had a much better day today.
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