Another boy pushing my DC (5)

[Lorelei2]

How should I help my DC deal with another boy pushing / fighting / annoying him at school? He gives as good as he gets though (i am working on his discipline which has always been a bit of an issue because he knows better but can't control his defiance , he's also the youngest in the class) but he does complain to me that this boy doesn't leave him alone. I don't want to speak to the teacher about it because I don't want to blame the other child , I've told my DC to try to ignore the boy, but I also don't want him to think it's okay to exclude other children. Any advice greatly received. I'm afraid it will impact his learning within the class if he's being distracted

[Ilovecaindingle]

It's happening to him in school so school need to know. The other boy is a bully and it needs stopping. . Before your ds doesn't want to go to school and you have bigger issued to deal with. .

[Starlight2345]

I find in these circumstances. Go in say this is what DS has told you however there could well be another side of the story. I find this is a far better approach as they don't assume you are a parent who assumes your DS has done no wrong. There usually is another side to this story. Ask how he/she thinks you can move forward with this situation.

Is it happening in playground or classroom or both?

[Lorelei2]

Thanks Ilovecaindingle. The teacher knows because it was in the line to leave school today that my son was in tears because the other boy pushed him down so the teacher had to take them back in to sort it out. I don't think he's scared of the other boy. I actually think the other boy likes my son because he responds to him, whereas some kids would back off and not want to play.

[Lorelei2]

Starlight2345 it's happening in both playground and classroom

[smilingsarahb]

I think you have to speak to the teacher. Don't worry about the other child. Its very kind but you have to do whats right for your son. The teacher isn't going to blame the other child and punish him or single him out on one parent raising a query. They will monitor how they both interact with each other and do things like shuffle their tables around, sit them in different carpet spots and ask the lunch time supervisors to keep an extra eye. If they spot something they will do behaviour management stuff then.

[user1477282676]

Definitely speak to the teacher. My DD had this...at the same age with a girl who wanted to be her friend but lacked the social skills to forge a friendship. She simply pushed or hit her for attention.

The teacher kept an eye out and they did eventually become friends which laster for year one...but then the girl began threatning DD if she ever played with anyone else. I had to tell DD she needed to stand up for herself and the teacher was informed....the teacher generally tried to keep the girl occupied and help her forge other friendships as she fixated on my DD who really was not interested any longer.

So be careful. Sometimes these things don't get nipped in the bud and your boy could end up stuck with this child.

[Lorelei2]

user1477282676 yes, thanks for the warning. I have considered this and I don't want him to miss out on other friendships because other children see my son as friends with this little boy and they don't want to be part of that. It's a tricky one, because, aside from going in for regular teacher meetings, it's difficult to know what goes on in the classroom.
I did see the teacher today and she said it's not that bad and a lot of the boys are boisterous and she's aware my son is the youngest in the class and needs more attention. She does find him difficult at times but believes he'll progress with his behaviour and she did say that she tries to keep him away from this other boy when doing sit down activities, so hopefully it'll die down. I think I'll have to keep reiterating to my son to stay away from him and try to boost his confidence in his school work so he doesn't feel the need to muck around with this boy (easier said than done with a boisterous 5 year old!)

[user1477282676]

Encourage other friendships by inviting other boys to play after school.

[Starlight2345]

It may well be worth talking to your DS about how you expect him to behave.

What you expect him to do if other boy shoves him, etc.