Toddler playing up when me and DH are together

[onedayimightforget]

DD1 is nearly 3. Since we had DD2 (now 6 months) she has spent more time with DH as DD2 is breastfed. She's lovely with DD2, no problems there at all, but she gets jealous of DH spending any time with DD2. She doesn't show the same jealousy with me. Recently we've also noticed that she will be fine if she's with either parent but as soon as the other one comes along she'll start playing up. I don't know if this is because DH is giving attention to someone else, either me or DD2, or what else it could be. I'm at home with both DDs today, it's DHs first day back at work since mid December. She keeps asking for DH a lot but she has generally been okay. In fact we've had a really nice day and she's been really well behaved, but DH just phoned and DD1 immediately started playing up - climbing over the back of the sofa, kicking her legs all around, throwing herself around. She carried on even after he was off the phone.

Any ideas how we could deal with this?

[Tabitha1983]

I'm sorry I'm no help but I will be watching this thread with interest as I am in exactly the same boat! I could have wrote your post! It's so upsetting because DD1 was quite well behaved and polite before DS was born. Now she's ok (ish) if it's just me...behaviour deteriorates if anybody visits and when DH is here too her behaviour is terrible 😞
...I assume same as you it's an attention thing since new sibling has come along. Health visitor advised me to ignore bad behaviour and praise the good as basically any attention (even negative) is attention and that's what they want?!
I'm breast feeding DS as well and I have to say it doesn't help does it as it's so time consuming and it means DH can't feed. My DD won't even have me put her to bed now...😢

[Lisavickers]

We have exactly the same problem. If my dh takes my son out with him he is brilliant and the same for me. But this christmas with us both being off or any other holidays he plays up all the time to the point we cant enjoy a day out together after a few hours. My son is nearly 3 also xx

[onedayimightforget]

Sorry you're both experiencing the same. I had a chat with DH this evening and we agree it's all for attention so the answer is to not give it to her. It will be difficult to not interject when she does something we usually tell her not to do but hopefully she'll give up soon enough when she realises it doesn't get her what she wants. Tonight she knocked over a glass of water and when I asked her if she did it on purpose she said yes. It's not like she gets no attention but at the moment DH and I struggle to have a conversation when she's around. I think she needs to learn she can't have ALL the attention.

[Tabitha1983]

Totally the same here! DH and I are trying to discuss whether we need the next size car seat (how confusing is that btw?!) and she's shouting over the top of us demanding we play with her. I've asked her nicely to wait until we finish talking so she has gone and tipped the coal bucket over, all over the carpet. I asked her why she did it and she said "because I want to" 😩
Trying really hard to not 'loose' it with her......sigh 😞

[Tabitha1983]

..interesting they are all nearly 3?!

[onedayimightforget]

Uh, the "because I want to" or as we often have "I just did it". It drives me mad. She asks us 20,000 times a day why we've done something but when I ask her why she did she either says "I just did it", reiterates what she just did or comes out with something completely unrelated like "I just want my Nanny". Bollocks to Nanny, why did you throw your toys on the floor?!

I'm hoping that when she gets to three she'll magically change overnight. Like Kevin in reverse. The thing is she is lovely most of the time, she's well mannered, good at sharing, loving and very happy. But when she plays up like this she's like a different child.

[Tabitha1983]

We literally have the same child lol! We often refer to the nursery rhyme "when she's good she's good but when she's bad she's wicked" 😝