DS 8 hitting himself

[Comingfoccacia]

My DTS is 8, rising 9. He has a twin sister. He is a happy, confident, bright little boy with a sensitive side. However, he is prone to bouts of frustration and hits himself in the face, says he doesn't deserve to live and sometimes says he wants to kill himself. Obviously this is very distressing but I have been trying not to react with anger. I try to find out why he feels that way and reassure him. He says he gets frustated and stressed. His teacher has said he's done it at school so I am planning a sit down with her to get her take on it. He behaves well in class, struggles more with playtime, kicks off quite a bit when playing football etc. At home he is generally good, doesn't always do what he's told right away, just normal defiance and reasoning.
He shares a room with his twin sister, they generally get on really well but I know they need their own space (negative equity so not easily solveable).
Does anyone else have experience with this or suggestions where to go from here?

[Comingfoccacia]

Bump

[m0therofdragons]

Dd1 is 8 and has always been very hard on herself. She gets very frustrated, mostly with herself. I reassure myself that the reasons she gets annoyed are usually valid so I've been talking openly with her about managing the emotions she feels.

We've watched inside out which is all about emotions as you grow up and I found to be a great tool. I've also done relaxation with her and visualising the anger into a ball that she throws away (in her mind) so she can use her "thinking brain" without the anger making her make bad choices re dealing with things to get what she wants.

I also have 5yo twins and it's really hard to make sure they all get a chance to talk with me. Dh and I have to take one dtd into our bedroom and the other goes in there room and each read to one of us at bedtime then tell us about their day. Dd1 goes to bed a little later so then it's her turn, but it's such a juggling act.

Dd1 was worst in the summer and I spoke to school. It all came out that she knows I'm busy (had increased work hours but still collected from school 4 days a week) she didn't want to bother me. We spoke and now I get much more detail.

I think the biggest impact has been to understand her feelings and for me to tell her it is completely okay to feel like that. As soon as she feels her anger is valid she is fine.

Sorry that's so rambling.

[Comingfoccacia]

No, thank you motherofdragons it is very helpful. I had meeting with his teacher today and someone there will speak to him too and gauge whether he needs the Ed Psychologist. I have also asked DH to spend more time with him as he isn't that hands on so perhaps he is craving tine with his dad?