Dealing with my 8 year old

[Tallzara]

Gosh I don't know where to start.

My 8 year old ds has become so challenging.

He was a really easy baby and toddler, he got quite cheeky once he started school but it's escalated.

Where do I start? He moans and sulks constantly. The second I collect him from school he demands to know what's for dinner, I'm scared to answer because if it's not the right answer he throws a strop. Next he starts asking for sweets, he knows the answer is no, he's allowed fruit/cheese/crumpets before dinner. He wants to go straight to the park.

He does clubs 3 nights a week, swimming, football and cubs. When he's not doing those he's moaning like crazy that he's bored, he's got a room full of toys, free range on the television, a garden to play in, but all he wants is the playstation, which he is not allowed on during the week. He knows this, yet still moans and strops. So I've started taking him to the park after school, but he moans at the park that he's bored, then he moans when it's time to go home.

Saturdays we are always out and about doing all kinds of nice things. Yesterday for example we took him for his haircut, then to see grandparents, then to the park, home for a while then out to a nice place for tea and to a fair and fireworks display. He moaned during the fireworks display and spent the whole time sulking and kicking leaves, he moaned because we didn't have sparklers.

The week before we went to three different really nice parks, to look round a toy shop to get an idea of Christmas presents, then for a pub meal, he ruined the meal because he spent the whole time complaining that we wouldn't get him a pudding. Even though we pre warned him we wouldn't, but promised him a nice yoghurt from the supermarket.

It's really difficult to get him to listen to do anything, going for a shower, brushing teeth, going to bed, doing homework.

We've been spending Sundays having quiet days, doing a roast, homework, board games, so that we all get a rest, it's a nightmare though because ds moans and whines all day.

He gets up so early, I've had to tell him not to get up until 7 because he was getting up at 5am some days, he doesn't go to sleep, I get him to bed for 8.15pm with a story but he doesn't get to sleep till way after 9 and sometimes 10.

His school is 1 mile away but we drive purely to save time because I have work 3 days a week. Would it help if I walked him to school? Maybe he's not getting enough exercise?

All I know is things feel so negative I'm becoming afraid of him.

[Stepmum123]

Our DS can get quite moany and sulky too but he knows that is unacceptable behaviour and has a time out system so he can have time to constructively sulk and talk about why he was moody afterwards. Hes 3 though. Perhaps you could sort your DS a time out for when hes moody where he can write about how he's feeling to open up communication between you so he can express what hes feeling and why and you can explain why that behaviour is frustrating and hurtful to you.

[Believeitornot]

I think you need to walk him to school yes. He sounds like he's tired!

[Believeitornot]

I will add my 7 year old is a grumpy sod when he's tired or doesn't feel like he has much attention

I would be enforcing an earlier bedtime and seeing if you can help him sleep longer in the mornings (cold - check the heating, lighter mornings - blackout blinds)

[Tallzara]

I think his diet is ok. We don't have sugary cereals so it's weetabix, porridge or wholemeal toast, he has a school lunch and a homemade meal 5-6 nights a week.

I always praise him when he's behaving well but he's exhausting me.

[luciess]

You sound as though you are doing lots with him so maybe he is just lacking on some form of exercise. Also I do think children generally do get tired and grumpy once they start school unfortunately

[Wolfiefan]

He sounds very tired. What do you do when he moans? I would give a warning then a consequence.
Stupid question! Is he an only? Has he never learnt to amuse himself? Can you start him on a game or task then withdraw?

[Tallzara]

Thanks for the replies.

He's got a big comfy room to himself, our house is toasty and warm and he's got blackout curtains, he's also had a new bed and mattress recently and it's super comfy. I try to get him to wind down, bath or shower, he insists on wearing an old dressing gown to bed, I've bought him loads of nice pyjamas but he will only wear this dressing gown. I often read with him for 30 minutes and chat but he still doesn't go to sleep.

[Tallzara]

He was on his own for a while but now he has a baby brother who's a toddler.

He was always brilliant at entertaining himself at one time.

When he moans I try a consequence, like last night at the fireworks I said we would go home, so he said "oh fine, I'll watch them then", Kevin the teenager style.

Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.

I try to make suggestions, get the paints out, play with the Lego, all I get is how he wants the PlayStation, but I'm so mean I won't let him.

We've chatted about this stuff, how the PlayStation is good but why it's not good to use it too much. I've tried to ask him if he's unhappy, if I can help. He'll say something like he'd be happy if he could have new football boots.

[llangennith]

Normal behaviour! It's an awkward age. They're outgrowing toys but not ready for more cerebral things.
At this age they really need to be with other boys. Playdates are the answer.

[Tallzara]

I thought it might be. He wants someone to play football with. Unfortunately he can't play out where we currently live but during Summer he was in the garden all the time kicking his football.

I guess I'll have to try to make more effort to meet up with other children, I hope he doesn't get worse with the dark nights coming so less playing.

I'll have to make the effort to walk to school on my days off.