School residential trip refusal

[user1473148369]

Hi, new here and not sure where to post this. My son is 10, in p7, and due to go on a 4 day residential trip with the school (not until march 2017 but have to sign up now). He is refusing to go. He has been adamant for over 2 years that he wouldn't go when he got to p7. He is very particular about things like sleeping in a room on his own and he doesn't like trying new things, especially sport/outdoor activities. He also doesn't want to be away from home. I've tried in the past to encourage him to do things when he feels this way, because there are times when he ends up enjoying them, and I don't want him to limit himself and miss out on experiences which would help him feel more confident. However, I have also seen how anxious and upset he can get, to the point where he shuts down and it feels its doing more hard than good. I'm a single parent and he and I spend most of our time alone, which I am sure plays a part in this. His very sensitive temperament and tendency to be rigid in his thinking also plays a part. We have had issues at school in the last two years and they are not very responsive to this. They think I need to be firmer and just tell him he has to do things. I'm looking for some advice. Part of me wants to let it go and just say this is not for him at this time, but I know I'm going to face enquiries from the school and its very hard to feel ok about it when everyone else is going and happily ready to take a trip like this. At the end of the day I'd never force him, but I wonder if there's anyway I can help him feel differently about it. I'd love to hear if anyone else has similar experience or has any thoughts to offer? Thank you :)

[angemorange]

My DS (9) isn't great with new things either but I've found that if he does things he usually enjoys them.

Has your DS got a friend who would be going? If you could maybe encourage a sleepover or two at yours with a friend, by the time the trip comes round he might be more reassured.

There is a residential next month for my DS's class and he was initially reluctant but is now happy to go as his pals are going. I'm sure the drop off will be hard but I'm going to make it quick and try to keep positive.

For what it's worth I refused to stay away from home until I was about 13 and after that I had no problems - at 17 I was living on my own lol! Everyone just develops at different paces.

[user1473148369]

Thanks angemorange, that does help :) It seems so unsupported/unrecognised by the school that everyone develops at their own pace - I guess that's school culture. I've seen other things - e.g. sleeping in the dark - which he's refused to do and then suddenly its just been ok, when he was ready. I figure this will be the same, its just hard to always be going against he grain!
I've thought about the sleepover idea. he has had friends here but they've slept in separate rooms. He slept in same room as his cousins at my parents over the summer so that was a step forwards. Thinking perhaps I need to speak to school, explain situation, and hopefully will give us time to see if he feels differently by march! Thanks x

[eyebrowsonfleek]

Schools assume that children are round pegs for round holes. If your child is different unfortunately you have to fight for them to be treated like the individual that they are.
I think that the suggestion that you work on improving the situation by doing sleepovers with friends is a good idea.
School will probably want an answer but I would be telling them that I will decide by the end of term if he might be ready but that he probably won't be.

My children have been to residentials and there's always one or two who haven't gone for various reasons.

[user1473148369]

Yes I agree about round pegs for round holes! Thanks for the support.

[yeOldeTrout]

I cajoled DS into going on a school trip.
The school lied & put him in to room share with boys he didn't know or like.
So he refused to cooperate any more with the adults.
We had to go collect DS.
Total waste of £85.
I would never cajole another kid into going on a trip.