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What do I do, constant crying from dd4

(14 Posts)
Muzzcub Thu 07-Jul-16 17:22:09

Since roughly 3 years old dd has burst into tears over very minor things. At 3 I kind of understood it but at nearly 5 I'm just bloody sick.
If she can't do something first time - cries. Like, full blown tantrum/stamping feet/screaming. We constantly tell her that it doesn't matter, we learn by practising etc.
Going into school she cries and coming out of school she cries. She has dropped to the floor like a toddler and cried. Usually over something like we can't catch up with her friend, or the friend she is with won't hold her hand or something. The other kids just look at her. The mums ask what is the matter, I say "I really don't know" and could cry myself. Inside school she is absolutely lovely, never any tears according to teachers.
She has been playing in the garden for about 40 minutes now and burst into howling sobs 3 times. I haven't gone to check why, because I know now that part of the problem is she uses it as a way to draw extra attention.
She is an only child and I have been a sahm since she was born, we have doted on her as has the rest of the family. I wonder if this is where be need for extra attention comes from?
Does anyone have experience of this? Can anyone provide hope for the future sad

minipie Thu 07-Jul-16 17:32:20

Is she tired? Does she sleep enough?

What is your/family's reaction when she bursts into tears? Lots of cuddles and attention? Or breezy tell her it's fine and move on to something else quickly?

Toofondofcake Thu 07-Jul-16 17:35:17

No advice in afraid just lots of chocolate and wine.

That must be exhausting OP. I can only imagine she will grow out of it. Either that or reach an age where you feel comfortable sitting her down at telling her it's just not on anymore.

Good luck!!

Thomasisintraining Thu 07-Jul-16 17:37:02

It sounds like she just wears her heart on her sleeve. Maybe give her some vocabulary around emotions, anger, frustration, sadness and enough her to use her vocabulary instead. We good some books from the library that explained feelings for ds who has ASD.

Btw it is a phase it will improve but it would be nice for her to be able to verbalise feelings anyway.

Thomasisintraining Thu 07-Jul-16 17:37:27

Enough should say encourage sorry

Muzzcub Thu 07-Jul-16 18:16:33

Hello all

minipie she is a good sleeper and I believe she gets enough every night, bedtime at 8pm then up for school at 7.30am, always drops off quickly. Mind she often calls out and even cries in her sleep sad so the troublesome emotions within her rarely give her peace.
Our reactions depending on what the crying is about range from breezy "oh dear never mind" to just dropping our head in our hands out of frustration. The wailing gives me anxiety which she must pick up on and it must trouble her more - it's like a vicious circle.

toofond thankyou. Sadly I feel we are in for many years or emotional turbulence as the older she gets, the crying will turn to temper, which tbh is already happening.

I have sat her down many times and told her at nearly 5 the crying episodes are not acceptable. She goes mute and refuses to engage.

Thomas she is very articulate and can shout her feelings out very well, we're all surprised the crying has carried on to this extent because of this.

I am dreading the teenage years quite frankly

minipie Thu 07-Jul-16 18:28:28

I just found this article which seems to give some good ideas.

Suggestions fall into two strategies:

- talk through situations in advance which might make her cry eg "ok, you know when I pick you up, you might not be able to walk with your friend" so she can prepare herself

- give her "on the spot" ways of calming herself such as deep breathing

Muzzcub Thu 07-Jul-16 18:38:25

Oh thanks for that link, I've just read it through and am wondering it she will take well to the self soothing steps - the thing is if it's mostly for attention I don't know how effective this will be.

I have been sitting alone in the conservatory while she had her tea. Afterwards she came in and before deciding to play in the garden again turned to me and squealed about having a poorly fairy blush she said it was all red so I had a look and it isn't, after telling her it looked absolutely fine the pain seemed to vanish and she went outside and picked up her bike. She tried to ride it in a circle and it collapsed, she caught herself well but screamed and cried. I told her to come inside and lay on the sofa, after dropping my head in my hands for the tenth time today.
All of that happened within 10 minutes. This is a usual day, sadly

Muzzcub Thu 07-Jul-16 18:40:56

....There is a neighbour who has been outside fixing his shed all afternoon - he has been laughing and said "I've never heard a kid cry so much!"
Mate, neither have I !!

babypeach Fri 08-Jul-16 15:49:13

Muzzcub you have my sympathy! My dd 5 is also very teary and screamy. Very small things result in huge amounts of tears and upset. Not all the time but often.

For instance at my brother's house she accidentally knocked over a glass which broke. Nobody minded at all (as a family we are all very prone to spilling etc!) but she screamed for a full 10 minutes like she had broken a bone.
Recently it has lessened in frequency but she also used to cry every day at drop off/various other stimuli and I regularly get the "what's the matter/is she alright?" etc. comments from other patents and family members.

She is also very articulate and bright. Her teachers said its Iike she thinks about things too much and has emotions more than she can manage at this stage...who knows!

The bouts of crying still happen and i feel for her and me lol! Also dreading what this will develop into in teenage years.

Sorry no answers butwinesmile

Muzzcub Sat 09-Jul-16 14:41:34

Hello babypeach!

Wow they sound so similar shock how do you cope? I just tend to cry myself when it becomes overwhelming, which probably makes her worse blush

Yesterday at my mums we encouraged her to practise riding her bike without stabilisers (which she has recently started to get the hang of) but it was horrendous. She was wobbling and stopping every 30 seconds and the hysterical crying had people up and down the street looking on in shock and awe

Then at 5am she was crying in her sleep again, it would be funny if it wasn't so draining and awful!

Thankyou and some wine and chocolate for yourself!

babypeach Sat 09-Jul-16 16:56:46

Thanks I need it (though currently breastfeeding no 2 so small amounts of wine wink)

I have to say at its worst I avoided certain situations where people didn't know us and constantly using the old she's tired/off colour/hungry excuse when out.

Sometimes I think its getting better, for example with the bike last year it was exactly as with your lo. Dh was for some unknown reason set on getting her to ride without stabilisers. She could manage and every attempt ended in full on crying hysterics. Eventually he gave up! This year she seemed to be a bit more blasé about it and miraculously does not scream every time it goes wrong. Ditto things like not winning, not getting everything right first time.

But she is still super oversensitive in many ways. Hard to pin down but she has big upsets at very minor non existant- slights such as if grandad looks at her wrong or someone laughs at her (not in a mean way but in the way you might laugh joyfully at a cute thing she said etc) or one small thing at School that ruins her whole day, like pudding was wrong).

I too am praying she is just a sensitive soul who needs to grow into herself a bit but I think she will always be quite a worrier and potentially quite self critical which makes me worry what will happen as a teenage girlsad

bingisthebest Sun 10-Jul-16 19:26:27

My ds 5 has been exactly like this since starting school in sept.
So dramatic over tiny things when we say can't do this or can't do that. It's so wearing. It improved in half term but then bad again back at school. I'm hoping it gets better when we have summer hols as o think it's linked to school either copying another child or just trauma of school altogether. I find it very hard to deal with and am following for help.

Muzzcub Sun 10-Jul-16 20:23:54

babypeach from the sounds of it your dd will have a lot of empathy as a young lady. Sensitive souls are very considerate of others feelings. It must be terrible inside her little mind trying to get to grips with all the emotion sad
My dd isn't actually sensitive to that degree, now that I think about it. She's a robust little thing with very cheeky backchat and stands her ground verbally when she thinks we're having a go at her! With her the crying mostly seems to be about either failure, or just having to do what she's told...?! And the "failure" ranges from her tower of blocks collapsing to not being able to take a top off
Today we both had a lovely afternoon at the beach together, no crying at all. But then everything was completely on her terms grin

Hello bing yes it is very, very wearing isn't it. wine
School is definitely a factor here too - I always bear the brunt of anything unfair that's happened to dd throughout her day, she stands in the yard and yells at me shock
The emotions and behaviour definitely even out in this house over the holidays too.
Someone has started a thread about the same subject over in AIBU today! At least we can be reassured that we are not alone...

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