Epic tantrums all day & night from almost 3 yr old

[TheCatSofa]

Hi, I am having a really hard time with my eldest daughter -33 months- for the last few weeks her tantrums and meltdowns have reached epic new heights and happen all day and in the middle of the night. They are over all kinds of things, usually I guess stemming from her wanting to control situations and activities. She gets so wound up and screams and screams at me , she tells me to go away, she doesn't love me, I'm not her friend, she stamps and kicks and hits. They can last for hours at a time - last night we were up for 3 hours with her screaming & crying & pretty much as soon as she woke up she launched into another meltdown. I think she is exhausted by it all which doesn't help. My younger daughter is just 3 months & I guess it could all be a reaction to her. She is at nursery 2 mornings a week and although always is a bit iffy about going when I pick her up she has a huge tantrum cos she doesn't want to leave. I just don't know how to deal with it, I'm guilty of snapping and shouting as its so hard to remain calm but I am really trying to remain calm and reassure her I love her whatever she does. I feel I deal with it all wrong as whatever I do doesn't work - she acreams at me to go away but if I do that it makes it worse but if I stay it doesn't help and she start slashing out. I'm so worried I'm fucking up our relationship by not dealing with this well. we used to be best friends & now she seems to hate me. How can I get through this as every day I feel like I'm such a shit mother and cry my eyes out. Please help, I need advice xx

[BrightandEarly]

Oh you poor thing that sounds really tough

You are probably right in terms of the impact of a new sibling. We went through a hard time with our eldest when DC2 arrived (and then again when he started walking and talking).

I suppose all children are different but for us, mid-tantrum, ignoring was the only thing that worked. She'd stop quite quickly if no attention was forthcoming.

Another thing which I have found really helpful was to read the book "how to talk so kids will listen". It helps me on a day to day basis be more 'sympathetic' to what the DC might be thinking / feeling when they are upset, and respond to it appropriately.

Good luck and don't be hard on yourself - it's tough with two really little ones!