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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

Would you tell a teen's parents about this?

24 replies

tatt · 02/01/2007 17:41

A girl we used to know quite well has on their MSN " sex is like snow - you never know how many inches its going to be or how long it will last". She is only 12 but reached puberty at 10 and has been interested in boys since then. I don't think the child woul be sexually active yet. It's probably done to keep in with her friends

We moved house and haven't seen the child for quite a while. Her parents tend to have a more lenient attitude to behaviour than I do (she's been wearing make up for years and I think goes on dates) but I'm not sure they would approve of this. The mum isn't very computer literate and probably doesn't know. I could phone the parents when the girl is at school and let them know.

What would you do?

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brimfull · 02/01/2007 17:49

Some of my dd's friends (not hers I may add) have bizarre boy/girl oriented msn names.They are not sexually active and I know that for certain.I wouldn't say anything ,but I wouldn't like it if dd had this for hers.I know that sounds screwed up ,but just being honest.

I think the girl is just showing off.

hippmummy · 02/01/2007 17:51

In what context was written it on her MSN - something she'd sent someone? Someone had written it to her? Was anything more said?

Without more detail it's difficult to know what there actually is to tell her parents.

DominiConnor · 02/01/2007 17:52

I don't see that as compelling evidence that the girl is sexually active.
It's a dirty joke, not sure what conclusion you can draw from it. I'm pretty sure I've heard very similar jokes on pre 9 pm sitcoms.

As for parents not approving of it, I rather assume that's the intent.

If you grass on her, she'll change her MSN ID, so I doubt if there is much to be done.

It would be different if there were messages indicating a serious intent to actually do something.

DizzyBint · 02/01/2007 18:00

you mean her msn tag line thingy, next to her name? my niece is 13, she and her friends all use these dubious tag lines. it doesn't mean they're upto anything.

BeetrootsResolution · 02/01/2007 18:03

there is a website they go one to find these saD NAMES.

my ds had one slightly dodgy recently -

Quootiepie · 02/01/2007 18:04

At 12 I probably said all sorts, without knowing what they really meant, just to be "cool". I wouldnt worry about it too much, she's probably just heard it somewhere and trying to be cool. 12 is more "mature" nowadays than when I was 12 Im pretty certain shes just trying to be cool.

lulumama · 02/01/2007 18:06

i think at 12, you hear something sexual, have a snigger, think it is cool, but are incredibly unlikely to be actually having sex ! and would be mortified and devastated if anyone thought otherwise

jampots · 02/01/2007 18:09

personally i wouldnt - a lot of teens use these quotes or funnies purely for humour i think and not to advertise for sexual services.

HuwEdwards · 02/01/2007 18:15

No, I wouldn't say anything. As others have said, it's no indication that she's sexually active - she just thinks she's terribly grown-up having a rude/'funny' tag.

jollyhollymum · 02/01/2007 18:16

Kids are really rude at this age and she prob isn't doing anything she shouldn't. I've read some stuff my DD types and told her off for it, using the f word I hope that the other parents don't think I don't care and that she's a trollop Just a thought-this is how their mind works at 11 and 12 in a mixed school. Quote of the week, from DD 11. "We had PSE at school about things you don't say/do to others, ie personal things". ME"Oh, like what?" HER "Well, saying that someone's hair smells like chip fat, they're spotty, or random stuff that like that". ME "Oh I see" driving along happily, thinking "Bless the little buggers, teaching them to care.." THEN SHE SAID that someone had been asked to write a very personal remark to his friend and this is what he wrote.."Hey you.....you've stolen my hampster's virginity.

Tumbleweed in car, trying not to crash/laugh and hoping that DS8 hadn't heard. She looked like I'd crawled out from under a stone when I asked her if she knew what it meant!!

I wouldn't say anything to the parents but you might have a sneaky look and express surprise/shock and suggest she changes it.

auntymandy · 02/01/2007 18:20

Think alot of girls of this age use sexual names etc. they are just learning about such things and think it makes them look grown up.

tatt · 02/01/2007 18:24

yes I mean the tag line or whatever its called, the bit next to her name. I know that she lies about her age to join sites aimed at older people. I haven't said anything to her parents about that. I know -because she told me - that on some of these sites girls are contacted by people who they don't like. We had a few words about the dangers of doing that. A tag line like the one she's using is obviously going to attract more unwelcome attention.

I'd want to know if it was my child but I'm not sure whether her parents would be concerned or not. I haven't said anything yet because I can't just mention it casually. Also I wanted to keep the child's trust in case she needed an adult to talk to about it.

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DizzyBint · 02/01/2007 18:26

like mysite and bebo etc?

lulumama · 02/01/2007 18:26

if she is using it as a way to gain acceptance into a more adult internet world, that is a cause for concern, if it is indeed the case ,rather than a silly tag for her and her friends to snigger at

tigermoth · 02/01/2007 18:49

I think risque wording like this is not so unusual in this age group. IME it does not indicate anything more than an attempt at being cool. Some of my son's school friends have very risque sounding websites and names and I was quite taken aback when I first saw them, but realise it does not mean they are taking things further.

However, your more recent message makes me think there is more to this. In what context was this girl telling you about her wish to use more adult sites? Why did she choose you to confide in? As you are an adult and know her parents, it seems odd that she was talking to you about her interest in these sites. She must know you could tell her parents and get her into trouble.

twelveweekstomaternityleave · 02/01/2007 18:55

My DD has some awful thing like "I'm hot and if you want my email address it's ". She's 11. I hate it, but she's most def not sexually active. She was asking about dates, but I told her to forget it for at least two years and then we'd talk about it again.

I read in a book about "tweens" that they do this stuff as a kind of "trial run" for being a teenager. They're trying different personas and feelings out for size. We (parents) react badly to is as we often think they are acting like teenagers, whereas the tween is merely trying to find out how they feel about something.

tigermoth · 02/01/2007 19:05

I agree twelveweeks. It is a stage tweens go through. It is sad that it risks bringing them into contact with an unsavoury side of adult life.

So please can I suggest that we are extra careful on this thread not to talk about specific children's nicknames or taglines in case they can be tracked and searched.

brimfull · 02/01/2007 19:07

DD 15 yrs has just told me that all the younger kids have "stupid names" like this.

dolally · 02/01/2007 22:12

do you ever get the chance to chat casually with the girls mum? if so you could perhaps start a conversation about how msn takes over our children's lives and how much supervision you use on your dd and her msn-ing...

But if you don't ever see the girl's mum then I really don't know what's the answer.

I can barely understand a word of what mine write they all use this texting type code....

tatt · 02/01/2007 22:14

I've known this girl since she was about 3. She was visiting and we were looking at a website I thought she might like. I said she'd need her parents permission to use it. She said she'd just lie about her age. That didn't see important as the site was totally harmless.

She then told me about an adult site (not myspace or bebo, one I hadn't heard of and don't remember). She said she thought my child might like it. I asked for a bit more information and I didn't like the sound of it. Perhaps she wanted a view from a adult on whether it was safe to use such sites. She may have wanted to shock me or maybe she wanted me to tell her parents so she'd have an excuse to stop using the site.

This girl is normally very mature for her age. i'm surprised she's done this and worried about her.

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expatinscotland · 02/01/2007 22:15

No.

I'd keep schtum.

Kids that age are full of bravado.

tatt · 03/01/2007 07:25

I decided to take up Jollyhollymum's suggestion and send her a message suggesting that it would be better to change her tagline.

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persephonesnape · 03/01/2007 08:11

if her parents are monitoring her msn use then i doubt they care whether she has a 'sexual-intent' tag. obviously there is an argument for personal privacy, but i keep a general eye on my 11 year olds msn use, including her 12 yo friends tags (doesn't my new hair scream 'fuck meh!') and make it clear that i don't want her to do the same things. personally, I'd keep well out.

tatt · 03/01/2007 18:48

her parents don't monitor her net use. If they did I wouldn't be concerned about her.

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