any advice on constant fighting between brothers, please:)

[Eey0reandp00bear2]

Hello, I am a single mum to three boys aged 7,8 and 10. Left their father nearly 3 years ago. I am finding the fighting between them difficult to control, it doesn't matter how many times I ask them not to do it they just don't listen. I have found that the younger two can wind the eldest up and he just lashes out every time, I have explained to the younger two not to do it and I have also asked the eldest numerous times to just ignore them but they don't listen. The eldest can be especially unkind and he really lashes out at them - today it was because they weren't eating their cereal properly, so he hit one of them in the arm:( it's becoming silly, the youngest got into trouble today and when I asked him why he hurt another child he said because they were annoying me, I told him he can't behave like this to which he replied my eldest brother does it:( any advice on how to resolve these problems would be much appreciated, I know children/boys fight but it's getting silly now. Anything, any words or ideas would be great, thank you for reading:)

[StrapOnDodo]

There is a fantastic book called 'siblings without rivalry' worth a read. It is American and has some cartoon scenarios which are helpful. I read it and left it around for the children and Dh to read. Ours genuinely don't argue now.

[Eey0reandp00bear2]

Thank you - just ordered it:)

[StrapOnDodo]

For example

A hits B

You say 'No hitting, use your words, not your fists/hands..We don't hit in this house/family..why did you hit him?'

A says 'he was annoying me'

You say 'he was annoying you? Yes brothers can be really annoying can't they?' (Validate their feelings)

The he might agree or go into more detail about the annoying behaviour.

You can then encourage him to express his annoyance directly to his brother in words, without swearing/shouting eg 'when you do X it makes me feel y' .

If it's just ridiculous then try to inject some humour. Eg not eating cereal 'properly' suggest he make a big sign detailing the correct method.

Another suggestion is to 'wave a magic wand' so 'I bet you wish you hadn't got an annoying brother and you could play in peace without anyone interfering' .

Also it warns against saying 'why can't you play nicely, like your brother, which tends to engender hatred towards the 'perfect' one.

It sounds cheesy, but it works

[StrapOnDodo]

Also don't act as judge and jury to all the squabbles.

So 'He won't share!'

Say 'don't tell me, tell him' .'eg ..ask him how many minutes until your turn' ..etc. If they get attention from you for fighting, they will fight. They need to learn how to sort themselves out.

Most of this can also be used on grown ups (many who haven't grown up) to good effect.

[Kiwiinkits]

Siblings without rivalry = useful. Worth a read even for parents of very young kids, IMO.

[Eey0reandp00bear2]

Many thanks for your replies:) the books on its way and I shall try your ideas strap, anything is worth a try now as I have run out of ideas!