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Please tell me it gets better, I feel like I'm going to snap!

(6 Posts)
Drogon Tue 15-Dec-15 16:12:27

DD is 2.4 and very ahem spirited. Since 18 months she has had the most horrendous tantrum that include ear piercing screaming/shouting/hitting/hair pulling/biting/ throwing etc.

I know it's probably usual for 2 year olds but it can be from the tiniest thing (last night it was because I gave her her milk in her orange cup instead of her pink water bottle). I was so wound up by her constant screaming and hitting whilst I tried to get her ready for bed I just snapped and took her out her cot, sat her on a chair and shouted at her. Then she tried to hit me, I said no, so she tried again and I ended up slapping her leg. Not really hard but enough for her to feel. I honestly still feel so terrible about it, I promised myself I would never hit her because it would only be done out of anger. And yet I hit her sad straight away I grabbed her and cuddled her and broke down in tears as she cried and kept saying sorry. It was a good job DP came home from work at that point and finished bed time because I just felt defeated.

Despite wanting to try better today I've just found myself reverting back to the same shouting and feelings of desperation. Every meal time is a battle where she refuses to eat whatever I put in front of her. Brushing her teeth this morning was a two man job this morning and resulted in screaming and hitting and I just can't take it anymore.

Please can someone tell me that it DOES get better? I'm so worried that she's just going to grow up and hate me, and I can't face the thought of another day looking after her by myself.

I'm sorry this is so long, I just feel so sad and deflated. I feel like everyone else I know has perfect children who rarely throw epic tantrums (I've had comments from strangers and people I know about her tantrums) whilst I have a child who seems to just be miserable.

KP86 Tue 15-Dec-15 16:28:33

I haven't finished the book or implemented it myself, but so far I can recommend 1-2-3 Magic, by Thomas Phelan. It's a gentle discipline method for kids 2-12, and works on different methods for 'stop' behaviours (fighting, whinging, hitting etc) and 'start' behaviours (bathing, getting ready, doing homework or chores). My sister used it with her son and she said it's amazing.

I bought it on Amazon for about £12 and it's available via Prime for next day delivery if you're a member.

Havalina1 Tue 15-Dec-15 16:39:56

My daughter is the same. She's just turned 2. Her tantrums are less frequent lately but she does all you say, plus head bangs the floor. When she's not tantrum-ing she's the happiest sparkiest kid around. However, those tantrums. Scary.

I want to hear the replies here too. I've tried reprimanding with a firm No, that is her cue to realising this is a MAJOR THING to keep doing to get s reaction. Quietly/firmly - no effect. "Don't jump so close to the baby's head" means she will do it again and stare at me for a reaction.

Ignoring - hard to ignore if you are in a cafe and you actually need her to stop immediately.

But when I was heavily pregnant I was at my wits end, lifting her was agony and changing her nappy was like wrenching a wild horse about on a table. I smacked her once out of sheer hellish frustration. She broke me. I felt just as you described.

Some day they will just stop. I can already see now that my daughter is a little more used to her bro that the tantrums have less energy / that said her new thing is glass shattering screaming.

KP86 Tue 15-Dec-15 16:54:35

By the way, I have a 20mDS and I reckon most days I'm counting down the minutes until nap/bed time. He seems to do the opposite of anything we ask, and it absolutely is to get a reaction. Tantrums are common and he runs away from me for the fun of it. I've found myself more tempted to smack in the last week and it's something that I do not want to do. Ever. But I can feel the anger rising and I have to remind myself that's not the kind of parent I want to be. I do shout more often than i would like, and I am hoping that the 1-2-3 Magic book will help with some new strategies.

Drogon Tue 15-Dec-15 17:07:15

Thank you so much KP, I was lurking on another thread and saw you recommended that book, I shall check it out. I shall try everything!

Havalina I'm so grateful there is someone else going through the same thing, I can't imagine how tough it is to deal with the tantrums and a younger baby too!

Yes, DD when she's not having a tantrum can be the most adorable, lovable little girl. Funny and clever with the most angelic face ever! In those moments I realise how lucky I am, but in the tantrum phase I think I must have sold my soul to the devil when I had her sad

She ran out into the road of a car park today because I wouldn't let her have her balloon (this was after her refusing to hold it, then scream for it back, only to say "no!" when I tried to give it back!)

And last week when I realised I had left my phone in the library so had to dash out the cafe we were in, thus leaving her juice behind. She just lay on the floor screaming and when I finally managed to pick her up she slapped me across the face and pulled my bobble out. Sometimes I feel like I'm just raising a nasty person, however the rational side of me knows that's ridiculous.

I know ignoring it/finding a distraction is the way to go, it literally takes all my will to keep the normal nice voice on when she's hitting me. She must have hit me about 10 times the other day and I ignored her, so she bit my knee and I still ignored her, so she climbed on my lap and slapped my face and I still ignored her. Then she realised she wasn't going to get the reaction she to wanted and she cuddled into me and said sorry. She's really strong as well, the face slapping really took everything in me not to snap and grab her hands so she couldn't do it again.

Lilipot15 Tue 15-Dec-15 19:21:44

Ah, the shrieking. We have that at 22 months. In addition to a new thing of trying to hit the baby. It is definitely worse when she is tired and wanting attention.
So draining though.
I have looked at some of the Toddler Calm book which has helped me understand how the world is quite confusing for toddlers.
I found it really hard not to get angry when she kept slapping the baby who was just smiling at her innocently.

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