2.2 yo lovely MOST of time but has awful pushing/hair pulling moments

[clio7788]

My DS is 2.2 and has recently started going to a cm. He loves her, and generally gets on with the older children she looks after, but he finds it really difficult at playgroups and also with younger children in her care. In playgroups, he can be fine and then suddenly will want to start hugging other children (usually pulling them over in the process, sometimes scratching them), might start pulling hair, pushing children etc. These phases also come and go when he's with the cm. There doesn't seem to us to be any rhyme or reason to it, ie might be over a toy, might be for no apparent reason the next time. He's as likely to do it with me or DH as he is with the cm, and we are both using the strategy of telling him "no, that hurts/not nice etc" then taking him out of the thick of it to calm down. This seems to be starting to work, but progress seems a long way off. He's normally a very happy little chap, and I'm sure cutting back molars, having a stinking cold & getting to grips with talking don't help matters.

I'm making appointment(s) with our HV as I want to rule out any hearing or health issues that might be playing a factor, but I would really welcome any advice people have to give on this, as it is stressing me out knowing that he is causing havoc, and I feel bad for him, the cm & anyone on the receiving end of him in one of these moods! If you've survived a phase like this, I'd love to know how you managed it. I'm feeling the fear of him never being invited to anything if he continues to be a monster

[TheHouseOnTheLane]

How is his language developing?

[clio7788]

It's coming on fairly well - we have had an explosion of words recently. But I do wonder if he is still a bit frustrated with that.

[amarmai]

how does the cm respond when he does this? Most important that it is dealt with in as +ve a way as possible so he does not get the message that he is a bad boy. What times does it happen ? Is it near a nap time, maybe he needs a snack or a drink or a cuddle. Can the cm catch it before it happens and distract or have him be with her for some individual attention and forestall the outburst. Also talk with him at the time and help him express how he is feeling ? " are you feeling tired,/hungry ,/upset,/jealous/-?" and talk about when you feel --and what we can do when we feel like that. He'll grow out of it but good to ensure everyone is on same page as to how you want it dealt with.

[clio7788]

Many thanks to you all for helping with this: the cm & I kept records of when DS was having his "moments" ahead of a meeting with a HV today. Essentially we worked out that he is getting stressed out by playgroups, which round here generally means big open church halls with lots of noise. DS finds them overwhelming, and then does not react well to other children trying to take his toys (for example). His language is coming on - he's just hit that explosion of words point - but he doesn't have the capacity to tell toy snatchers to leave him alone (yet). Earlier this week he was much better with me giving him positive alternatives to hair pulling etc, but still had his wobbles to begin with. So it's time for a rethink and reworking of his settings for now.

Blimey: it must be extremely hard work being two and not being able to say hands off my toys!