What to do when job not done after time limit?(11 Posts)
We have a rather strong willed 11 year old who basically has treamented her room like a rubbish dump. Paper every where, empty containers etc. what happens is that she will wait until me or dad point to every little thingn the floor, to pick it up, rather like you would for a toddler.
So I'd come up with a plan. She will have 40 mins to clean up her room. The problem I'm having is what to do if she doesn't clean up? In the past we have tried this and she will just not do it and we end up having to stand over her.
I've done a similar thing with my ds. He has lost his school shoes again! Was given 15 mins to look for them in his room. Couldn't find them
didn't fucking look so the PlayStation is away till he does.
Then you bag up the "rubbish" that consists of treasured toy/gadgets.
It is returned when job done, be it hours or weeks.
I thought of that, but what about clothing, shoes etc?
You need a consequence that she won't like eg. Confiscate toy/phone/tablet/TV time or not going out to play. She needs some incentive to get it done...
There's a parenting book somewhere with this scenario. Tell her that it would cost a professional cleaner say 65 (whatever dollars/pounds) to clean her room per hour and that she has until say Friday (or other day) to clean it herself. If not done by the deadline day then you will go in and charge her 65 per hour and however long it takes. You will tell her how much it costs - let's say 130 for two hours and she needs to pay you back. She says oh but I don't have any money, ok well I can sell your X toy for £20 online/to other friends or someone and you get to go through all her stuff/toys till you come up with the 130 to pay you back ... It doesn't take a kid long to pick themselves up and run to their room and it clean it - if you are absolutely serious and willing to go through with the consequence of this, this will work. Teaches them about the real world pretty fast.
You have to have sanctions. With our 7yoDS it's removal of iPad/tv/Internet/Wii etc or if I had to tidy the lego it would go straight in the bin. It took the production of a black bag for him to realise I was serious but soon tidied the family room. We've now gone the other way and he has a chart of things he must tick off in a week to receive his pocket money ( guitar practice x 5, clothes in washing basket everyday, tidy family room once a week, plates in dishwasher every day etc) which so far seems to be working well.
You leave all the muck, and just take valued items, which are returned when everything else is done to your satisfaction.
So remove, say, phone and iPad. Keep safe until room is clean, ten return.
I prefer carrot to stick. My DCs have messy rooms but twice a month they have to tidy them. We have a chart for chores, and pocket money depends on this. Twice a month i give a deadline for 'room inspection'. They have to tidy by that deadline. There is a minimum amount of pocket money that they only get if they pass room inspection. Other chores earn more pocket money on top of the minimum. DCs are 11 &9. Works well.
Or you could tell her she has til x time to tidy & after that stuff will be bagged & binned!
Does she actually know how to clean up on her own? Not every kid's executive function and spatial reasoning is up to it. I developed a very bad relationship to cleaning tasks during childhood that has been hard to shake in adulthood, all because I have very poor spatial reasoning and became VERY overwhelmed, VERY fast in any situation where many different things had to be put many different places. I was a very bright child in many other areas, so everyone thought I simply wasn't trying or was being difficult. I was trying, and I wasn't trying to be difficult. It was just overwhelming and anxiety-provoking, and I didn't have the words for it at that time.
We tell ours to pick up 5 things, then another 5, until it's done. I let her have a 'not sure' box for stuff that needs a home, and I help her go through that at the end. Otherwise she just procrastinates over difficult items. This works because she doesn't abuse it, but she is only 8.
Personally I think DD would be set up to fail if she only had 40 mins. She'd waste the first 30 being upset and saying she's rubbish, for a start.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now »
Already registered? Log in with:
Please login first.