newborn stage...ugh(13 Posts)
I just need to moan. I officially do not like the newborn stage. Hated it with my first who never slept (4.5 years old now and lovely) and now witj second dd who is 3 weeks old. Just hate it. I am constantly looking forward to a time in a few weeks from now when she at least will smile at me, or something.
I am exactly the same. My eldest was 5 years old when ds2 was born, I had forgotten how much I didn't enjoy that stage. In fact, I only really start enjoying them from about 6 months+. Eldest was rubbish sleeper until 12 months old, second is now 19 months old and still a crappy sleeper!
I'm hating it less second time around. I'm enjoying having a child that stays where I put it, makes very simple demands of me and has no ability to express its opinions! But yes, the little poppet is, at 7 weeks old, a bit dull.
I dunno, i'd much rather a child who can talk to me, tell me what they want, i can tell them what i want etc as opposed to endless trying to figure out wtf is wrong. I can handle talking back, i can't handle incessant crying and moaning and me feeling helpless trying to suss out what to try next. Sleep will be nice when i get some again.
I know how I sound...'what else did you think a baby would be like?' I'm sure you might think. I've just decided to not feel guilty about wishing away and waiting for the newborn bit to pass. I suppose we're only three weeks on and I need to keep that in perspective.
I hate it too. My second child is 19 weeks so over the hump and I'm just counting down the weeks till he is eating 3 meals a day, sleeping reliably and sitting up alone. Hate to wish it away as he is gorgeous but I'm not a baby person. Dd is 3 and wonderful so I know it doesn't take long!
Ps don't feel guilty. More people find it tiresome than would admit it and everyone past that stage gets their rose tinted glasses on and Says how lovely it all is!
Just to join the "you're not alone" bandwagon, I'm expecting a very wanted number two in Feb but am also expecting to not enjoy a lot of 2016. Took till 6-9 months with DS for me to stop loving by biological demand and actually start enjoying, and the same is true of many of my friends. DS and I have a really tight bond now, though, and I love spending time with him, so despite what a really tactless HV said once I don't think not enjoying the early months is 'unnatural' or harmful to bonding the long run. Some people just don't enjoy newborn babies.
Definitely don't feel guilty - not everyone loves the new baby stage. I have only really started to properly enjoy my DS since he was about 9 months old. It's probably no coincidence that 9 months was when I finally started getting a little sleep.
I thought about it (a lot) when he was very little and decided it's totally rational to dislike the new baby bit - sleep deprivation, totally unpredictable days and nights, the constant sound of crying, nipple torture - they're all torture techniques of the kind you'd only see in Guantanamo Bay and nobody there is going "ah, let's make the most of this, it goes so fast...".
Before you know it things will be more predictable and more interactive. Until then, you're doing nobody any harm by wishing away the punishing early bit.
Oh, and congratulations!
after 8 months of not sleeping at all on her own ever, DD2 finally started sleeping in her cot. It was a miracle! The only upside to the early bit is popping them in a baby carrier and cute hats as far as I'm concerned, other than that it's a worry, barf and poop odyssey
Me too. I have a 10 week old who is an absolute dream compared to dc1. But the relentlessness of each day...nappy changes, feeds, washing. Entertaining dc1. I'm exhausted just writing it down!
I also found the unexpected sadness of bf not working with dc2 has lead me to continue expressing past the date it was clear dc2 was not going back to bf (about 4 weeks ago). So while she is sleeping 12 hours with one wake up I'm bloody up numerous times in the night expressing
I have said 3 more weeks of expressing (until 3 months) and then I'm stopping which has given me something to look forward to. Then it's only another 3 months to start weaning.
I don't want to wish her life away, just the horrendous first 6 months or so!
Oh, I'm with you all the way. Hated the newborn stage so much with DD1. (Got an extra 6 weeks of it too as she was premature). With DD2 it was still rubbish but a bit better. The settling... the winding... the not knowing what is wrong, it is all so TEDIOUS and hard work with little reward. Totally rational to hate it IMO.
Things that helped me second time round:
- avoiding (some of the) mistakes made first time round - eg I never let DD2 get chronically overtired and screamy
- knowing it will end fairly soon
- wasn't so boring as I had DD1 around for entertainment/company and could watch the two of them together which was mostly very sweet
I stated enjoying DD1 around 9/10 months, DD2 around 4 months (about the time she and DD1 started to interact and grin at each other)
Thanks for your replies! I do feel better knowing I'm not alone. You know the saying 'It takes a village to raise a child'? I think that statement is most poignant when applied to newborns. You need trusted people around to take the baby off you and also to be the much needed company in the early days, otherwise the loneliness creeps in and makes this time very difficult. It did for me with ds1, which occasionally sends me into a panic when i think i might get left alone with the baby for too long. Fortunately this time around, i am close to family and friends (was just me and hubby on the other sude if the world last time). Still, I will be happier when I have a 'kid', as opposed to a newborn baby!
You're definitely not alone, there's a thread in AIBU at the moment about it!
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