Toddlers grabbing toys away

[tandevic]

I'd really appreciate some advice from other mums about this issue. My little daughter is 2 years old and every time we go to playgroups, there is one or other child that comes along and wants the toy that my child is playing with. That's obviously totally normal behaviour but what I feel unsure about is how I should react in that situation. I feel compelled to be "polite" and tell my daughter that she can play with another toy, in order to avoid causing a scene. I don't want to "parent" someone else's child (the mother is usually oblivious to the unfolding drama or is just simply unconcerned). My little daughter this morning cried in my arms as I did nothing while another toddler took her toy away. I came away from the group feeling awful! What do other people do in that situation?

[Parietal]

it depends a bit on the exact situation, but I'd enforce both children taking turns. Imagine your DD is on the swing and another child comes to wait for a turn, you might do 5 more swings and then tell DD - now it is his turn.

you can do the same for toys. If DD has a toy and another child wants it, tell DD - just one min and then it is this boy's turn. And do that.

If the other child snatches, you can say - please don't snatch, and let your DD finish her turn before the other child gets a turn.

Finally, encourage the playgroup organisers to buy double or triple toys (ie. every time they get a new toy, get 2 identical ones). kids at that age LOVE playing with pairs of toys and it stops lots of fights.

[SevenSeconds]

I don't think you should send the message to your DD that she must always give up a toy just because another child wants it. I agree with Parietal about encouraging taking turns and sharing, but if your DD has the toy then she has first call on it IMO and the other child needs to wait. You're not "parenting" another child if you say "no, DD is playing with that, wait for your turn", you are standing up for your DD. I think you're being too polite!

[tandevic]

Thank you Parietal and SevenSeconds. That's great advice. I will definitely enforce taking turns next time. Also, good idea to encourage the playgroup organisers to get more of the same toys. I did feel as though I was sending the wrong message to my DD, which is why I felt so frustrated at myself and about the whole situation. Thanks very much to both of you.

[VagueIdeas]

I think I would say to the child (more for the mother's benefit than theirs!) "Sorry X, DD is playing with this right now, but you can have a go soon, OKAY?"

Toddlers lose interest in a toy so quickly, they won't have to wait long.

However, toddlers being toddlers, you may find that once the toy is abandoned, Grabby Child no longer wants it and wants the next thing your DD has picked up instead

[tandevic]

Thank you for the suggestion VagueIdeas!