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Help at wits end with toddler

(3 Posts)
ilovealistortwo Sun 22-Nov-15 20:27:52

Tbh I'm struggling with my 2year old. I can't control her behaviour. I don't know how. She hits me, she lobs stuff at me and everywhere whilst laughing manically, she won't kiss or cuddle me or even sit next to me ( she pushes me away) and I've tried to put her on the naughty step but with out physically restraining her and pinning her on the floor I can't keep her there. I tried once and she bit me really hard. It has been a difficult few months. My abusive husband has finally left and I'm working very long hard hours whilst my dd has started nursery. I just have no idea where to go with her any help would be really appreciated

She's too young to be expected to stay on a step IMO (I dislike the idea anyway but I know it's very popular)

You're absolutely right you can't control her behaviour. And it might not seem it right now but that's a good thing!

My advice would be
1) accept that she's doing the best she can and if she acts out for whatever reason it's because she cannot do anything else. If you stay calm she will have somewhere to come back down to
2) if she does something that upsets you calmly tell her what it is "you've hit Mummy" "you're throwing things"
3) tell her why it's not acceptable "oww that hurts" "something might get broken" etc
4) physically help her to stop but as gently as you can. If she needs to throw or hit something give her something safe like a pillow

It sounds like you've been through a tough time. She knows this too even if she doesn't have the words to explain what she's seen/felt/soaked up from you. Her behaviour is the only communication tool she has a lot of the time. 2 year olds are hard work because their emotions are so much bigger than they know how to cope with. She needs you to show her how to behave and to offer comfort so she can release any hurt she's feeling. She might not be ready for cuddles but your manner and words with her will help.

I'm a big fan of gentle parenting. I'm not saying I am successful in using it all the time but it's my gut feeling that children are complete people with rights and should be treated as such wherever possible. But also that given too much responsibility they get scared. If you're expecting your DD to be able to control herself that's a big responsibility for someone who was only born 2 years ago!

If you're interested check out www.ahaparenting.com or www.janetlansbury.com there's loads of good advice there and helpful stuff on how to put it into practice.

You're doing a great job smile

jellybean321 Wed 25-Nov-15 21:47:15

no advise but all I can say is I feel yr pain and have just written a similar thread asking for help...yr not alone. Hope it improves soon and don't forget you are doing the best you can in difficult circumstances. x

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