Sudden bedtime rebellion and night waking

[root]

Help

My toddler who has always been the most fantastically reliable sleeper has suddenly gone right off the rails.
One week ago, he refused to stay in his cot at bedtime and continued to climb out and follow me downstairs over and over. Since I didn't want him to injure himself, I decided it was time to put him in his new bed which has been set up in his room for some time. When we first put the bed up several weeks ago, he slept in it without complaint for 3 nights before reverting back to his cot and showing no further interest in it.
Now, bedtime is a nightmare because he will not stay in his bed! The first night it took 3 and a half hours before he finally succumbed with me lying on the floor next to him. The following nights have been more or less the same with him also waking up at 2am and repeating the whole thing for up to an hour and a half. At which point, the baby wakes up....
We have tried firmly leading him back, tucking him in and leaving the room, over and over, but after twenty or so times I begin to crack and either stroke his hair till he drops off or I start to get angry (which of course doesn't help).
The last two nights he has gone to sleep from exhaustion as we have cut out his daytime nap (two hours in the afternoon without fail until now!), but he has still woken in the night several times and then been up at 6am. He used to sleep till 7.30 or 8.

We are pulling our hair out. Don't think I can cope with much more! Where did it all go wrong???

[Murphee]

My own version of this started three months ago when DD was 2.9 - until then a wonderful sleeper. Evening times are not bad (she gets up 1/2 times per week) but now always wants to get in my bed at some point and gets up really early. At first she was regularly geting up at 5am (occasionally 4.30) but currently somewhere between 6 and 7am which makes a huge difference for me. The sleep deprivation has been horrific (for me!) so I have developed my own plan, vis: no daytime naps EVER - as soon as DD has a daytime nap we go back to getting up at the crack of dawn; stick to usual bedtime and don't change it no matter what, in our house this means 7.30pm; if DD gets out of bed before I go to bed I put her back in her own bed and will not be swayed from this - she now expects to be led back to bed and stays there; if she gets up after I go to bed and wants to come in with me then I let her - I know I will have to deal with this at a later stage but currently getting enough sleep is most important. Finally, when she gets up early in the morning we do not go downstairs regardless of how many times she tantrums, she can have the light on and play in her room or look at books etc but we don't go downstairs until at least 6.30am. The early morning is the worst part. I know people who leave out drinks/food/DVDs for their children (I know one 5year old who goes down, helps herself to breakfast, lets the dog out, puts the telly on)but DD is too small for this. Straw poll at nursery/amongst my friends suggests this is either a phase (yippee) or they carry on like this until they start school properly. The other thing I have done is force myself to go to bed at 9pm (or earlier) three nights a week - hate it!. Hope some of this is useful and GOOD LUCK.

[beegeeWithBellsOn]

Hi root.

This sounds just like me posting!

My ds used to be fantastic sleeper and then - aged 2.4 he completely changed. How old is your ds?

My ds is 3.4 now - will still have our moments but we got through it slowly. I found the rapid return (the kind of method I think you were describing - ie - quietly returning to bed over and over ) - didn't work for us. He loved playing this 'game' and we could be doing it for nearly two hours...awful times..

In the end I put up a stair gate at his door and more or less let him get on with it. Sometimes he'd get up and play for a bit, then take himself back to bed. Other times I would let him play for a bit then I'd come back in and suggest it was time to go to bed.

Sometimes he would cry at the gate...but I just HAD to get tough.

I really really feel for you...hugs x

[Murphee]

I agree with you krimbo - my DD's change of sleep pattern coincided with worrying about monsters and not liking the dark. Instinctively it feels better to comfort her about that by letting her into my bed than to return her to her own bed.

[root]

DS1 is two years and four months, so I guess he has hit that sensitive period. He now seems OK in his bed i.e. he's stopped saying he doesn't like the duvet etc, but freaks as soon as we leave the room. Last night he woke four times in an hour at around 1am. We are going to try sleeping in the room next door tonight and leaving the doors open, if only to save ourselves the journey up the stairs in the early hours.
Ironically, our baby, DS2, who has always been a pretty terrible sleeper, did a seven hour stint last night. Unfortunately this was after waking us up 12.40, but nevertheless...
We are now considering staying home at Christmas instead of going to my dad's as I simply cannot face any more disruption. Another new bed to cope with, then home again to perhaps more of the same would be too much... And then I go back to work in January and DS1 goes to nursery three full days a week. Mind you, being in the office has got to be easier than looking after the two of them!

[lackofgravitas]

My daughter hit a phase like this at 2.6 - she's still only 2.9 now so I'm not at all confident we're really over it. She'd been in her bed successfully for three months, and we'd been back from holiday for two weeks so no obvious triggers - she just suddenly decided she didn't like her bed. She wouldn't tell us what was up, well, not until we really pressed her, and then she'd start going on about spiders and monsters (I don't think they were really the problem, just trying to articulate something to 'please' us). Again, this was after really quite reliable sleep for some time - putting herself to sleep from about three months, and sleeping through from nine months. She already had a tiny nightlight, but it wasn't enough, so we started leaving the dim wall-light on. She had to have the door open. We muddled along for a while, trying rapid return, some sort of cobbled-together toddler-variation CC, having massive hissy fits (that would be me, and it wasn't terribly helpful), sitting with her, edging out of the room.

What we've ended up with is:

• the wall-light stays on while she goes to sleep, and when we go up I switch it off and put the new nightlight (mini lava lamp!) on
  
• the door is propped open (it swings fully open otherwise)
  
• whoever puts her to bed tells her s/he will be back in five minutes, and does come back
  
• do that three times or until she starts to settle, then make it ten minutes, until she goes to sleep
  
  It's a variation on something a friend did - the key is to stick to it early on, to prove that you WILL come back in five minutes, but you will NOT come back earlier because they scream.
  
  But as I say, the caveat is that while it works well now, it HAS only been a couple of months!

[lackofgravitas]

I'd like to retract ALL of that. Should never have written it - just been up after a ten-minute break and she's stood at the stairgate. Argh.

[lackofgravitas]

krimbo - with hindsight, that's exactly what we should have got. We saw it, and ruled it out due to price, and then went on to spend £20 on a light which isn't really suitable as a nightlight at all, then £10 on the lava lamp - still only half the cost of the lumie, but nowhere near the functionality!

Well, I've cocked up now, I forgot to go back up after ten minutes (first time this has happened), she's gone to sleep, but will she ever trust me again?

[root]

We got a night light in John Lewis that isn't that fancy but does the 'sunset' fading thing. Takes 20 mins. You can also dim it right down manually and it's bright enough for stories at a higher setting but still a really gentle light.
Past three evenings have been much better by the way. In bed asleep by 7.45. Has always been a bit manic at bedtime and now he's in his bed, you think he's never going to stop, but then he just seems to switch down suddenly and drop off in a matter of minutes. One of us has been sat in his room by the door while he does this, but we have turned him round in his bed so he faces his night light and away from the door. So, he can't see us sat there. Will try leaving the room next when he seems ready to drop off but guess I need him to know I'm going.

[root]

...oh, but I forgot to mention he's still waking in the night and was up at 4am for an hour last night!