Jekyll and Hyde 4yr old school problems

[dawnmoo]

My 4 yr old son started school this Sept at the local school. There are 18 children in the class and 16 of them went to playgroup together. My son did not and I'm unsure if this is affecting him.

He is a really well behaved, kind, polite child at home. At school there is a current run of events that are being described to me in a very negative way.

At the first parent - teacher meeting it was highlighted to me that my son was growling and expressing his anger in this manner which we both agreed to work on with him. I had believed that had stopped.

Last week he had 3 separate incidents in one day.
He hit a girl in the face at dinner, "head butted" a child while gathering their coats and pushed someone else. I couldn't believe it was my child as I can't see my son hitting someone without a reason. From the descriptions I'm getting from school especially 'head butting' another child it makes me wonder what kind of child is he being it's the complete opposite to who he is at home. I also wonder what's happening to him before he does these things.
I found out from my son later that day at an unrelated time that he had been pushed over in the playground by a P2 boy and was crying and the teachers weren't there. I explained this to the teacher and she said she'd look into it but I got the impression that she didn't believe it as the teachers would have seen it.

In an attempt to help him with his behaviour and not to hit, push or hurt another child I had asked the teacher if she would be happy to give my child a smiley face/sad face card home every day in his school bag so I could place these at home and reward him if he successfully got 5 happy faces. She was happy to do so and he got 3 brilliant faces and was going to get a lovely reward at the end of the week.

Unfortunately today I was asked for a quick word with the teacher and told by her that my child had bitten another boy on the penis. I couldn't believe it!! I can't see him do it let alone any child!! She told me that the boy checked himself and there were no marks. I was so shocked and surprised that I didn't question the teacher what exactly happend. Now having time to think about it and also after asking my child what happened things seem to be blown out of proportion.
My child said he was playing with a girl pretending to be a dog and chasing her and this boy joined in and guarded her. My son said he bit him on the t-shirt at his tummy. So what really happened is anyone's guess. I do believe my son as he doesn't lie to me.

I'm so close to tears as I'm unsure what to do short of being in his school to keep an eye on him. I'm also scared my child will get labeled in school as a bully or something and that will ruin the next 6 1/2 yrs of his school life.

Sorry it's a long rant!
D

[fortyplus]

I'm feeling so sorry for you & your son. Most of the 'Jekyll & Hyde' stories are the other way round - angel at school, devil at home. Your son is certainly exhibiting an unusual pattern of behaviour - I think he must be feeling very insecure at school.
The important thing as a parent is for you to work closely with the school, exactly as you have been doing so far. The school needs to know that they have your support in addressing the problems with your son.
But don't despair - it's very early days! He's only been there a few weeks. Soon they'll be into the excitement of the run up to Christmas, which may help.
Invite other children home after school, that way he'll get to know them better and build up relationships on 'safe ground'.
Make sure he has a restful few days and plenty of sleep before he goes back after the Christmas holidays.
Lots of children behave inappropriately when they first go to school - it doesn't mean that it will continue. With your firm guidance backing up the school you'll work your way through this - trust me!