Toddle tantrum tip

[UngratefulMoo]

Learning the ropes with 22mo DD1, but DH and I have started doing something with seems to have massively curbed her burgeoning tantrum throwing and I wanted to share it in case it was useful.

Anytime we need her to do something that might cause a strop, we explain carefully what's going to happen and then say, "I'm going to count to three/five/ten and then: It's time to get off the swing / I'm going to put you in the buggy / I'm going to take mummy's earrings off you (etc)

Giving her a moment just to get used to the idea of what's about to happen seems to really help diffuse stress and 9/10 times she will do what I need her to do without complaint whereas before she would have had a meltdown. I can actually feel it calm her down as I count.

The added bonus is that increasingly I can also get her to do something herself using the same technique (come to mummy, put your book away, pick your bowl up and put it on the table).

It's essential to follow through, otherwise it becomes meaningless and it's important to explain what will happen when I've finished counting (rather than just counting) or she gets confused. It seems to be really working for us, I wanted to share in case it could be of use to someone else.

[CurlsLDN]

Thankyou, that's really interesting. Ds has just turned one and the tantrums are just beginning, I need all the tips I can get!

[Cedar03]

That's great that you've found a method that works. The key thing with tantrums is to try and avoid them in the first place. The more you anticipate them and work out a strategy for whatever the trigger is the better things become.
(Apart from those days where nothing is right!).

[Taler]

That sounds brilliant :)

[UngratefulMoo]

Yes, Cedar - completely agree. It's not perfect - she does still have the odd meltdown, but it has calmed her down enormously by heading off potential tantrums before they start. I'm sure she'll spring another developmental surprise on us in a few months and we'll have to try something else :)

[hartmel]

Happy for you guys that this method works on your child. My son is 21 month and I have been doing this method before he even turned one. He still has a lot of tantrums.. I wish this method would work on my kid..

[Clarella]

'Raising your spirited child' has lots of similar strategies - transitions are really hard for toddlers and children. You might be interested in its philosophies. As well as "how to talk to kids so they listen and how to listen so they talk" (works on partners too apparently!)

[Clarella]

Janet lansbury also good has tips