my 4yo keeps asking if i'm happy

[henrirou]

My four year old DS is going through a phase of really testing boundaries - I generally try to stay calm but recently i have lost my temper a couple of times and really shouted at him. This obviously upsets him and he starts crying, and then through his tears asks me if i'm happy. He has started asking this more and more recently - for example, if he says he doesn't want to finish his lunch, i'll say 'that's ok' and he'll then ask 'are you still happy mummy?'

He is generally a happy little boy but i am worried about this preoccupation that he seems to have about my happiness. I'm worried that maybe my DH and I are placing too much importance on him being 'a good boy' - DH will come home and say to him 'were you a good boy today' - too much pressure for a 4yo maybe? I don't know.

I'm worried that i'm somehow causing him anxiety - he is anxious enough to keep asking if i am happy, but I don't know what i'm doing wrong. Sorry if this is all a bit vague. Any thoughts/ideas would be hugely appreciated.

[DIYandEatCake]

I think be honest (well, to a point) about your feelings. 'I'm not very happy right now because I don't like getting angry with you.' 'Yes I'm happy, Ive had a nice lunch with you and I'm looking forward to doing x this afternoon'. And make sure you find plenty of opportunities to tell him when things he does make you happy, and tell him that you love him lots. My 4yo has phases of asking if I'm happy, she's pretty good really but sensitive and I find she likes honesty and reassurance best.

[twirlypoo]

My ds is 3, and we are in an identical situation! I just reply as above and say yes because of x, or I was sad because of y. Sometimes ds will hit me or something and say now are you happy, which worries me too and seems to take it one step further! This parenting malarky is hard eh?!

[henrirou]

Yes twirlypoo, much harder than I ever imagined! Thanks for all the comments, things seem much brighter this morning

[Nutgirl]

DS1 had a phase of asking this when he was about 2.5. Just like you describe he would do something naughty, I'd tell him off and then he'd say 'Is mummy happy?' . I would just be honest and say 'no I'm not happy right now because of x'. He grew out if it. Don't think it's anything to worry about.