End of tether w/4 year old DS

[Fonzie]

Please help. My 4 year old is a nightmare at the moment re not listening to anything DH or I ask him to do. It normally takes about 5 or 6 tellings and ends in me shouting at him to get stuff done. Also, he always has an answer for everything and is continually speaking back. Is this just normal development for his age and what can I do to try to prevent it as I am at my wits end with him now? Please help.

[pinkranger]

Fonzie, My DS is 4 in 2 weeks i have exactly the same problem. We keep talking to him about him not listing and he says " My ears have gone to sleep" We try to make alot of things in to a game for him so when we ask him to do something it sounds more exciting,

Also Me and Dh have refused to get stressed out about it any more and we have really tried to be calm and not shout and this has really helped aswell
Any other advice would also be highly appreciated!

[sunnysideup]

he sounds very normal...

as pink said, 4 year olds love games so try to make things into a game; making ordinary everyday things into a race for instance.

make things a challenge rather than an order eg, " I bet I can get up the stairs faster than you"...

or use reverse psychology eg "you can't wear your clothes today as they are special clothes for a big boy who is getting a treat from the shops" or whatever...

just think about life from his point of view. Imagine how fed up you would be if DH spent all day saying "Wife, now you must put on that black dress I like" "Now go and make my dinner" "It's time you cleaned the cupboards in the kitchen" "Clean your teeth" "did you wipe your bum properly?"

Kids feel no differently to us about being ordered about. You need to find a way of operating about these things that gets your DS involved more and makes you more of a 'team'.

Lighten up, have some fun with it.

[sunnysideup]

oh, and he 'talks back' because he is an intelligent human being! Again it's about talking TO him rather than AT him and doing things as a team rather than 'us and them' situations....he 'talks back' because he feels on the defensive for some reason...it's a natural human instinct...he wouldn't do it unless he felt 'got at' in some way.

btw I am NOT criticising you in saying this, as ALL 4 yr olds drive ALL of us mad, it's just I want to say how what he's doing is basic human nature. You will need to talk to him differently if you want him to talk to you differently...

[pinkranger]

sunnyside , i tihnk you posted on a thread before abbout making things a game and i took you advice!! you may have saved my life ( well marbles) that week

THANK YOU xx

[admylin]

Don't want to worry you but my 8 year old is driving me mad with that behaviour too, he had it when he was 5 and it got better for a couple of years but at the moment it has peaked at the unbearable.

[sunnysideup]

oh, pink thank you for saying that

I just tend to notice these posts as it's something that's close to my heart, having a very spirited and determined 4 year old...so I know what's worked for us!