tea at a friends house

[Loubylou19]

My daughter is new at primary school and has a new bf (last 2 weeks). The 2 of them have cooked up plans to have a sleepover (down to what the midnight feast will consist of!), I said they maybe need to work up to a sleepover and have tea at each others houses first. She came home tonight with a slip of paper with the other mums name and mobile number on it (from mum). Thing is I have never met either the child or either parent, or even seen her in the playground.
I know I'm being protective but what should I do, what would you do? Thinking of just inviting the girl to our house for tea. Parenting just gets scarier the older they get! My mum would say ' you have to let her grow up and not miss out on things' and I know this, I don't want to shelter her so she has no great friendships but how do I protect her!!! God I sound like the worst obsessive mother!!! advice needed

[ruth4321]

Maybe contact the mum and say you should meet up with her and her daughter and go to a soft play or somewhere they can have fun and you can chat to the mum so that you know each other a bit before any tea or sleepovers x

[TheRealMaryMillington]

Is she 4/5? I would definitely want to have at least clapped eyes on the parents and had a chat before sending DC for tea. Agree an accompanied playdate best idea at first. See how they get on.

[tobysmum77]

i would invite her over for tea. that way you will have met them before she's invited back.

It's very young for sleepovers, the only friend my dd(5,y1) ever has for sleepovers is the dd of one of my best friends.

[WUME]

No way should she be having a sleepover at someone's house you don't know!

You need to meet the parent first and see the house IMO.

Anything less is just plain dangerous.

[Guin1]

Invite both the mother (or father) and the friend for tea. You can meet the mother plus she will be around if the two girls fall out for any reason. Then if things go well, the return invite should include you too, so you can get a better idea of the house, etc. You could also try a google search/facebook/etc.

[1234qwerty5678]

Hi - Sorry to gate crash this discussion.

My son lives with his father during the week and I have alternate weekends.

My son started school and has been invited to a few friends for tea now. My ex has started inviting the children back but they won't come. My son is getting upset.

We can only assume it is because he is a single man in a house. Are we being sensitive to this and what could we do to tackle it?

He is a good man and hand on heart I can say he is no danger. He has even had a CRB for his charity work.

He gets on with the mums and they text him etc, it's just they won't send their children around.

I don't want to use up my weekend having to have a friend come over.

How should we tackle.

[WUME]

Hi 1234qwerty, I would start your own thread as you will get more responses

[Lovelydiscusfish]

Qwerty, have to say that this wouldn't make me feel differently about dd going over to tea - but some might be different. It seems silly. I have a younger daughter (nearly 3), so at the moment would expect to go with her anyway... From what I gather from friends with older dc, this is the done thing anyway when they are at school to start with...
It sounds like your ex has good relationships with the other parents (texting etc), so not sure what more you can do. Would he feel comfortable to raise it with them, in a non-confrontational way? Alternatively, depending on what terms you are on with him, and also how close you live and your work commitments, would you consider co-hosting some sort of tea for ds's close friends and the parents on a week night, so that they might feel more comfortable? Rotten that this should be necessary though, to be fair. So feel free to ignore me.

[IWillOnlyEatBeans]

Qwerty - DS1 is 4.11 and has friends round for tea quite a lot. Mainly their parents come too, but sometimes not.

However, DS1 will not go to someone else's house for tea without me. Nothing to do with the parent or child involved, he is just too nervous about it (social things can be a bit of a challenge for him).

Has your XP specified that the parents can come too if they wish? I know this would make a big difference in whether my DS1 would happily accept an invitation...

FWIW I would happily send DS1 to tea with a child and their father (as long as I vaguely knew them both), it wouldn't worry me in the slightest.

[IWillOnlyEatBeans]

Loubylou - could you arrange to meet up at soft play or something over the weekend so you can get to know the other girl's parents?

If you do invite her for tea, stress that the other mum/dad is welcome to come too for a cuppa and a chat.