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whinging whining 3 year old

(11 Posts)
famalam Wed 26-Nov-14 11:05:56

Has anyone else got/had a child like this? Only she isn't like this at nursery, her nans or grans - just with us. It only occurred to me the other morning that perhaps some children DON'T start wailing "mummmyyyy " in anguish as soon as they wake up, and refuse to get out of bed unless their mum comes into their bedroom first confused
And it's all amateur dramatics, not real tears or anything. It seems to be easier to deal with at 3 than it was at 2, but we're often driven to despair with the needless drama.
Screaming at the top of her voice when food is very warm, screaming when ice cream is cold... high pitched screeching when she can't get her jumper on. We just cannot get used to it, and it's been months now.
When she was 2 she went through a phase of just screaming out of he blue in the middle of dinner, we'd crap ourselves in fright and it was because a pea fell off her fork or something. It sounds funny written down but has been so wearing. I still had postnatal depression and anxiety when she was 2 and the anxiety was horrendous when I went out alone with her, I became terrified of the outbursts.
She is a very articulate child aswell, started talking early and is very bright, she is able to explain very well what is wrong with her, but just needs to scream and shout and cry first apparently.
My initial reaction is to shout at her and get angry because I find it so stressful.
I think I just need to know if anyone else has had a child like this and that they have eventually calmed down and become less emotional?

doineedhelp Wed 26-Nov-14 12:12:38

I have one too... fine at nursery etc but really whinges for me especially - it is exhausting and soul destroying and i feel like i'm walking on eggshells if we are out in case he kicks off! My ds is also very bright and articulate but you wouldn't know it if you saw him in mid tantrum.

No advice i'm afraid but i suppose its nice to know we are not alone! Hoping a wider MNetter will come along with some sage advice for us grin

famalam Wed 26-Nov-14 12:48:28

Yes, soul destroying! We went on our first family holiday recently and she was really hard work. No happy every morning, refusing to get clothes on, difficult at every evening dinner, screaming blue murder when we tried to get her used to the shower in the apartment because there was no bath. I was in tears and desperate to get on the plane and go home a couple of times.
Because no one else really sees her true colours I feel like I come across as some sort of drama queen myself when I vent about it all!
It does feel better to know we aren't entirely alone!

Nancyclancy Wed 26-Nov-14 12:51:22

My dd is the same age and behaves the same way. It's the scream that gets me down, I think I could cope with everything else if it wasn't for the dreadful scream.
I know she does it because she gets a reaction but it's so hard to ignore!

IShallCallYouSquishy Wed 26-Nov-14 12:52:18

No advice but lurking.

This could be my 2.6yr old. It's driving me insane. We had whining and crying this morning as I wouldn't let her sit on my knee while we both were eating our weetabix and me trying to give the baby his too confused

PolyesterBride Wed 26-Nov-14 12:57:55

Yes my DD1 was like this. Very similar to how you describe. Perfect everywhere else - a joy to teach, an absolute pleasure etc - but a massive pain at home. No words of wisdom from me though - we never really solved it and it's just got better over time. She's now 6 and is still quite hard work but a million times better than before.

I think the best advice I can gI've you is not to worry about what other people think. She may not be like their kids so their advice or opinions are useless. I went on a parenting course and it was really good, made loads of sense, helped me by giving me a chance to try things out and chat to other parents. But the techniques didn't really work for DD1 so it's not like it's just a question of you doing it wrong. You're probably doing everything right!

Lastly - just practically speaking - try not to exacerbate any natural tendencies to fly off the handle. So as best you can, make sure she is not hungry or tired.

And distract her like mad!

famalam Wed 26-Nov-14 13:50:19

Again, it's very comforting to know we aren't alone in this or even being made to feel like we are dramatising her behaviour - our parents have on occasion done that.
Polyester we also found that usual techniques were pointless with her. She can be so clever I forget how old she is sometimes and find myself arguing with her like we're a pair of teens! She has a friend at nursery who can also be a handful but she is just naughty without the screeching and crying, which I think I could probably handle easier!
Dd isn't even particularly naughty, that's how it's hard to explain how wearing she can be sometimes without getting strange looks. I imagine this is the same for you all?
Sorry im going on a bit now!

famalam Wed 26-Nov-14 13:58:43

....She's currently performing Let It Go at the top of her voice and entertaining me no end, if only she had a more settled soul.

PolyesterBride Wed 26-Nov-14 22:51:28

We have had to be quite strict with our DD1 just by setting up routines she's had to follow. Eg have to brush teeth and get dressed before going down for breakfast (otherwise she wouldnt do it), have to put shoes on before watching TV. That's cut out a bit of conflict.

Also - it really helps to remain deadly calm. My DD wants a reaction but is not satisfied when she gets it. If we get angry, she just gets angrier. I don't mean totally ignoring - that doesn't work for us - but just not losing your cool.

One thing I did learn at the parenting course which did help a little was very simple -saying "when..." instead of "if..." So "when you've had a shower you can watch TV", not "if you have your shower nicely you can...". It's helps you to at least have hope they might do what you want!

wejammin Wed 26-Nov-14 22:59:33

DS who is 2 1/2 is like this. I've found the firmer I am about "rules" eg no tv before nursery, no throwing or thrown thing is confiscated etc, the less he performs. I feel he is constantly testing what behaviour is acceptable and being rigidly consistent reassures him. Also tonnes of positive attention when he is behaving well, and lots of explaining what I expect from him in stressful situations well in advance

fairylightsintheloft Thu 27-Nov-14 23:00:41

DD (3.5) doesn't scream but my god she whinges and has this sort of "waaah" sound if the biscuit breaks or the bow comes undone or whatever. Drives me crrazy - she is v articulate and CAN tell me, just goes for the whine. At the moment she honestly doesn't get why everything can't just be done her way, on her terms. Huge, huge deep breaths, calm, not shouting back, 1,2,3 or....works for us and sometimes saying fine, go outside in bare feet then / no coat / whatever. I take the item along and put it on her 2 mins later when she actually is cold.

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