has anyone tried 123 magic

[Andcake]

and can give me a simple explanation. I have heard good things but want to understand it a bit more before I try it?

[silversixpence]

I have the book so marking place, not read it yet though!

[tadado]

Are you me Silversixpence? Also just got the book.

We have tried a few other approaches over the last couple of years but they haven't been very successful with my DC3 who has some challenges with listening and behavior. Its seems relatively straightforward. I need a simple approach that my partner can also use so we are on the same page as we currently differ in how we tackle challenging behavior, even when we are meant to be using the same techniques.

I like the idea of taking emotion away from the approach because i'm more than a little broken by the challenging behavior and have lost all sense of perspective. I'll let you know how we get on.

[Andcake]

Please do. Ds is only 2.3 but I'm finding certain bits tricky as I kind of give in or make him sit down and count to 10 which he thinks is brilliant as he likes showing off his counting. So want to feel prepared and read something.
So would love to hear how you get on.

[CatKisser]

It was standard behaviour policy in an old school I worked in.
The idea was the instant numbers eliminated that tiresome dialogue you can find your self having.
"Stop swinging on your chair."
"I never!"
"Yes you were, now please don't do it again."
"How can I stop if I wasn't doing anything....
Etc!
Also the lack of comment means that the children had to realise for themselves what unwanted behaviour they were demonstrating. The five minute time-out was not meant to be a punishment - it was a "reflection" time

For some it worked. Most, however, viewed the five minute reflection as piss-about time and spent the time kicking the reflection booth to bits. And it became a sort of competition to see who could get the most threes. Having said that, they wre the most challenging class I've ever had. Now I'm in a "leavy village school" it would work perfectly.
Just my experience!

[TheFirstOfHerName]

It has worked for us. It means the parent deals with the behaviour before the child tests the boundaries to the point of tempers being lost, so the situation doesn't escalate into shouting/anger.

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

I have but it was a while ago that I read it...still use the basic principles with my DS though and it works brilliantly. Probably need to re-read it as my DD is just over 2 now.

It focuses on identifying what it terms 'Start' and 'Stop' behaviour. Start behaviour is for when you want them to start something, like start tidying up, start eating your dinner, start getting ready to go out/go to bed etc. Stop behaviour is for stuff you want them to stop, such as aggressive behaviour, whining, shouting, intimidating behaviour, answering back etc. I found the book most helpful with the Stop behaviour and this is where the 1, 2, 3 comes in.

The key points are when dealing with this kind of behaviour is to keep emotion out of it and don't get into discussions or try to reason with them.

So using pp's example above, 1, 2, 3 would work like this:
DC is swinging on chair
"Stop swinging on your chair."
"I never!" and continues to swing on chair
"That's 1 DC. Please don't do it again."
"How can I stop if I wasn't doing anything....
"That's 2 DC"

If you get to 3 and he's still doing it or answering back you give them a consequence. For a young child time out on the naughty step is perfect, for an older child it might be a consequence like going to bed half an hour early, or no TV, or no pocket money or something like that.

It's a good book and worth reading...and it's worked really well with my DS.

[LittlePink]

It works with our 2.5 yr old. We've used it for a while now. If there's an undesirable behaviour going on then it's a warning "right! I'm going to start counting if you don't stop x, y, z" to which she will 9 times out of 10 say sorry! Sorry! And stop or do what it is we're asking. If she doesn't then it's "right! One.....two.....three. Ok it's time out now" and she's taken to the corner of the same room we're in. It's so rare that it gets to that point though as she hates it so much that she backs down as soon as its threatened. If she hits, kicks or bites there's no warnings, it's straight into corner and ignored for a couple of mins. Then down at her level she will be asked why she was put there and an apology asked of her. She will always be crying at this point and saying sorry sorry and trying to cuddle her way out of the corner. To which she's given an explanation of how it made us feel ie "we don't hit because it hurts and you made mummy feel sad when you hit me. I know you're angry because mummy turned the tv off and it's ok to be angry but we don't hit when we're angry" or words to that effect. They're all different though, this is just her reaction to discipline.