6.5yr old DS turning into a monster. What am I doing wrong???

[BluePeterMummy]

I'm worried about DS (6.5). I feel like I've lost my wonderful little boy - I've always been so proud of his positive attitude, how kind and caring he is towards other people etc. Over the last few months he has become more and more angry, gets very upset if he's asked to make an effort or engage his brain (eg at reading or writing), is obsessed by violent things (swords, guns, playing fighting games at playtime), putting on silly voices (I know that sounds stupid but it's really bothering me as it's like he's impersonating one of his friends who is a little idiot) and has started lying to try and get out of trouble at school.

I've tried making sure he reads every night and giving him slightly easier reading material which has helped with the reading melt downs a little, but the problem that he doesn't want to focus remains both at home and at school. We either stop at the park for half an hour or he has an after school activity (Beavers, Tennis and Swimming) which again seem to help a little - idea being he has something positive and physical to do. We also go for walks and bike rides on the weekends. He doesn't watch a lot of TV - most days it goes on while I'm cooking dinner so 20mins to half an hour and as DD is 4 they're only watching age-appropriate programs, generally Cbeebies. DH is an involved, active parent. He goes to bed by 7:30 every night and gets plenty of sleep. He eats fairly well. So what am I doing wrong????

[FiveExclamations]

My first thought is has his friendship group at school changed at all? Any new additions or leavers? Any changes in teacher?

[BeeBlanket]

Maybe something's upsetting him. Can you ask gently about school and how he feels about it, to try to tease out if anyone is causing him problems? Sometimes even a child who appears to be a friend can be causing upset. My DS had a horrendous time with a "friend" who would terrify him by telling him frightening lies. He was so scared it took him ages to be able to tell us about it.

You can also ask him – why do you think you lie? Why are swords and fighting fun? Try to get him talking.

OTOH, it might be a part of him growing up to become more aggressive and defiant for a while, and it might pass.

Whatever, it doesn't have to mean you're doing anything wrong.

[BluePeterMummy]

Thanks for the replies. I think there are some underlying friendship issues. His teacher flagged up about 6 months ago that he seemed to be struggling at playtimes. When I asked him about it he said he can't always find his friends but was happy on his own anyway (he can be in a bit of an imaginary world bubble sometimes). His teacher said that he has good friendships in the classroom and appears to be well-liked by everyone.

The boy that he keeps imitating is a particularly strong character and I think maybe is influencing him a bit, but I can't put it all down to that. Definitely not the anger and the meltdowns when he has to use his brain.

He's normally quite good at telling me if something's upset him. Still I'll try and talk to him... Any other ideas?

[naturalbaby]

My is only just 6 but starting to become quite difficult to manage as well. His issue at the moment is he wants to be in charge - he's fed up of being told what to do and when to do it. I try to explain why we have certain rules but he sticks his fingers in his ears! I am sticking with it and just reminding him that my job is to help him, and I have to give him regular treats like he can play on the computer when he's done his homework. He's also really keen to help out and got a big kick out of helping set the table for dinner the other day.
I read Steve Biddulph's raising boys book when he was a baby and there's something about 6yr olds in there that's ringing a few bells so I need to buy a copy and re-read it.

[BluePeterMummy]

Ooh I've got that book, thanks for the reminder. Just skimmed it and found the bit about 6 yr olds - it talks about: "a sudden 'switching on' of boy's masculinity at this age" e.g. playing with swords and wanting to be around men, Dad's time and influence being important. Maybe that has something to do with the fighting... DH works from home and he gets plenty of attention from him though. Hmm...