Playground problems

[blibblibs]

I'm not really sure where to start with this but I'm becoming concerned about DD who is 5 and in Reception.

She's very outgoing, not at all shy and had plenty of friends at nursery. However things seemed to have changed since starting school.

At first, way back in September she would tell me that she'd played with no one at playtimes etc, but with this being DC2 I figured things would settle down and get easier for her and most kids go through stages of having no one to play with.

Things seemed to settle down and all was fine. Then at the start of this year, she started not getting invited to parties. Fair enough, you can't go to them all, but after the 12th party I decided it best to speak to the teacher and ask if there was a problem. Teacher assured me all was fine, she was kind, helpful and popular.

She also started to come home with lots of bumped head notes - we had one eight days in a row once and we must have had over 30 of them!

During this time I volunteered at the school. I have some spare time and I thought it would give me an oppurtunity to see if anything was going on.

I never really thought she was being bullied and she's never had a problem about going to school. And I'm glad to say after being in school, she isn't being bullied, but some of the behaviour I've noticed is concerning me.

She doesn't often have anyone to play with in the playground and the older girls seem to let her join in when they notice her alone. If she is playing with children in her year she is always in a very submissive role, the dog, the baby, the poorly one etc.

And I discovered why we have so many bumped head notes - on one occasion I watched her walk into the shed on purpose. This is so she can go inside for a ice pack / wet paper towel / plaster and then she stays in there much longer than she needs too.

Even today I have a note that she fell and hurt her arm - she didn't the scrape on arm happened yesterday after school.

I'm not sure what I do about it though. I feel that she's come up with a way to solve the problem of not liking being on the playground, its just not a good solution.

Where do I go from here? Hope that things improve? Another chat with the teacher? Something else?

(Sorry that was much longer than I meant it to be.)

[Flexiblefriend]

Poor little mite, it doesn't sound like she is having a good time of it at the moment! I would definitely have another chat with the teacher, and tell her what you have seen. I hope things do get better for her again soon!

[wed99]

I'm really sorry your DD seems to be struggling with joining in with her friends at playtime. I would definitely go back into school for a chat with her teacher. It may well be that her teacher has no idea what is happening out on the playground at lunchtime as they are usually indoors eating their lunch and setting up for the afternoon. I would explain what you have noticed happening. In class she probably works well along side the other children so the teacher has no cause for concern.
In our school the older children are encouraged to look after the younger ones who look a bit lost.
Maybe she was a bit full on at the start of term, you said she is not shy, that may have put the quieter girls off playing with her if she always wanted to lead the games. And now she is not sure how to be around them so accepts any role in the games so she can join in .
The whole girl friendship thing is a tricky thing in my experience and far more complicated than boy friendships.
I am sure your school will want to help her.

[Pushpantpush]

May be worth inviting some of her peer group from her class home for tea. It may assist with her bonding with some of her classmates. This way you can supervision the playing so that she isn't treated as the submissive one. Good luck xx

[blibblibs]

Thank you for your replies.

I've got an appointment to speak with her teacher after school on Monday, although she did try to reassure me that she was fine and they all behave differently at home from school and that she was a bright and popular child.

She obviously has no idea what is going on, but she is lovely so hopefully she will take on board what I have to tell her.