Advice needed! 14 month age gap and jealous dd 19 months:(

[Ju1es22]

Hello

Don't know how I'm coping tbh!

I've a beautiful dd who's 19 months, a typical toddler into everything wanting 110% of my attention and going through terrible twos as well as agression!

She's started lashing out at ds 5 months, scratching him quite badly and trying to bite and hit! Although she does lash out at me, daddy and other children when she's not the centre of attention, or told not to do something! She will also lash out when I'm giving her my total attention, just randomly scratching my ds's face last week! I could scream some days!!

I really try to give her my full attention, but my ds is breast fed, barely sleeps during the day or night it's very tough some days! He gets over tired and screams fighting it! We've had a couple of days where we've all cried, my dd from not having me at with her and me from exhaustion and frustration lol

Thankfully she continues to go to nursery one day a week and to her Nan's an afternoon a week or I think I would be insane by now!

Anyhow I feel better for writing this down, please tell me she will get over this stage and I won't always be a sleep deprived mummy who feels like I need the worlds wurst mummy award some days lol!

[Geordiegirl79]

Aw, sending hugs. It will pass! Just think in years to come you will be telling stories about this and your grown up children will be fascinated and you'll all be laughing, I promise! Doesn't feel like it right now though and it's so tough when you're exhausted.

My DD went through / is going through a similar thing and it is gradually getting much better. Although she wasn't violent towards her brother she was very, very angry at us, her parents who had turned her world upside down! Your DD is still little and just learning to deal with extreme emotions. It will definitely pass.

Don't be hard on yourself as you are doing all you can I know my DD felt hurt because her perception was that baby DS was getting all the hugs and kisses, so I have been really conscious of this.

I hope this helps and hoping things improve soon.

[Geordiegirl79]

Also I have found it so hard juggling the very different needs of the baby and the toddler but am sure that as time goes on their needs will converge more often!

[LadyMetroland]

I went through this. It stopped once the baby became more interesting. Nightmare at the time. Get a playpen for the baby to be safe in and keep on giving your dd your full attention.

My friend had it too and unfortunately it still happens (older one attacking the younger one) even now they are 3 and 4.

Sending you sympathy. It's tough!

[joanna1985]

I'm going through this at the minute to with a 19mo ds and 2mo dd. I just try to keep them apart and I put dd in a playpen for her own safety when I gave to leave the room. At hard work some days and its so hard not to get angry even though they don't understand. My ds actually pulled off dds cord when we got out of hospital. I was horrified

[lozking91]

What kind of reaction do you show when your dd does these things? Have you tried putting her in a play pen for time out as soon as the negative behaviour occurs? For example if she lashes out at ds then take her by the hand, put her in the play pen and go back to ds. Don't speak to her until she has calmed down. or after a set amount of time, perhaps 2 minutes say to her that she can come out and play once she's calm.
Unfortunately I don't have any experience in this but I remember super nanny trying something similar so thought it might be helpful advice.

When my little brother was born my parents emphasised how important my role as big sister was and I enjoyed helping out with baths etc so something like that might help to make her feel more included?

[Ju1es22]

Thanks ladies you've been a big help:)

I've been getting down to her level taking her by the hands, looking her in the eye and sternly saying 'no we don't do that, it hurts be gentle' I then take her back to brother or if it's me she's hurt take her hand and show her how to be gentle then praise her if she is:) If she then goes and hurts straight away I put her in ds's playpen for time out, I sometimes leave her in there and go out the room for a couple of minutes! But I do sometimes shout if she's done it for the umpteenth time that day!

Think I've just got to stick at it and she'll grow out of it. Will plan some activities to keep her busy on Friday her next full day with me and hopefully ds will co operate and nap too so we can get one on one time! Stating positive:)

Are any of you Shropshire way at? Could do with little friends for dd similar age to meet up with x