Disciplin question

[angelabbie]

My son refuses to brush his teeth and as I know that he loves to take his bike to school, I say that unless he brushes his teeth, he will be unable to take his bike to school. He will then quite happily brush his teeth knowing that he will be able to take his bike to school.

Okay. About 14 min later after he does brush his teeth and before we are on our way to nursery he will throw some work papers on the floor. I explain to him it is not the done thing and ask him politely to pick it back up. He shakes his head and says no. I remind him again that if he doesn't do as he is told and pick up the paper he has thrown on the floor that I will be unable to allow him to take his bike to nursery... again.

So he picks up the paper and eventually we are on our way to nursery on his bike.

My wife says that if I threaten to take away a privilege such as not allowing him to take his bike to school if he doesn't brush his teeth. I shouldn't use the same bike threat for throwing paper on the floor moments later as I have (according to my wife) already indirectly promised him he can take his bike to school.

I was hoping for some input on this matter and thank you in advance.

Kind regards

Father of a 3 year old

Jon

[LIZS]

What matters is that you see the threats through , clearly you don't as the threat is for the consequence not the bad behaviour itself and he gets to ride anyway. to him it is all a game and he gets attention. You should be brushing teeth not expecting 3yo to and he should know not to throw paperwork around , not just that he has to pick it up.

[odyssey2001]

I agree in principle with what your wife is saying but often in the heat of the moment when you only have one thing to leverage, what else do you do?

Is he old enough to explain that if he does everything he is supposed to do to get out if the house and isn't naughty (not necessarily using that word) he will get to ride his bike? Therefore the bike is for cumulative good behaviour.

Or you could use a time out for one or the other?

Or you could use a token system for a later reward?

How do you handle this on non-nursery days? You need to be consistent.

[PolkaDott1]

Sounds to me Jon like you are doing everything right. You just got two positive results immediately. My DS is 5 now and has always responded to threat of the removal of privileges. It works better than any reward charts or tokens etc sorry odyssey2001 I just think they are gimmickey. I don't appease with future treats I simply nip it in the bud gently in the moment and have a very happy well adjusted child who understands right from wrong and is now so well behaved with wonderful manners. The bike treat was imminent and he really wanted it so nothing wrong with pointing out he might not get to do that as he did a new naughty thing.

[ZuleikaD]

Sorry, I'm with your wife on this one. The deal was - brush teeth and then you get to ride your bike. End of story. That's a solid, simple contract that a three-year-old understands. Changing the terms of the contract is unacceptable - you have to keep your promises. Your son did what he understood he had to do in order to ride his bike. Threatening to take the treat away a second time is unfair, in his eyes and mine.