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13 month old dd tarring family apart

(13 Posts)
Cupcakemummy85 Thu 20-Mar-14 18:15:39

I really need help. Dd2 is 13 months and since the day she was born I've been darting thread after thread about how difficult she is, how badly the breastfeeding was going, how she wouldn't let me stop feeding etc. now she just won't stop crying. It's constant. She throws the biggest tantrums, screams so badly through dinner that it's ruining the experience for dd1 and my dh and I are constantly shouting at each other. Wee been close to separating because of the stress. Both dds are in nursery to give me a break. I can't handle them both together. I feel as though dd2 as broken me. I don't feel like a mum anymore, I'm the shell of my former self. I'm not depressed but I am extremely stressed. How do I deal with dd2 awful behaviour? It's truly awful! I feel so sorry for dd1. I used to do everything for her and always be there fr her and now I'm just the woman that's cooks her dinner, dh had to put her to bed and help her with things because I am constantly busy with my 13 month old. People say it will get better as they get older, I feel as though time will not heal this wound. What can I do?

midgeymum2 Thu 20-Mar-14 18:22:51

That must be hard, you sound at the end of your tether! Can you be more specific about the things your dd2 does that you find hardest to deal with? How old is your dd1?

BeaWheesht Thu 20-Mar-14 19:09:04

It sounds awful for you all, she's only a baby though so she isn't ring naughty or bad, screaming is the only way she can probably
Communicate with you.

Why couldn't dh take dd2 whilst you dealt with dd1? Take it in turns to have quality time with her.

Remember dd2 really is a baby. Why is she screaming? Could she be in pain?

BotBotticelli Thu 20-Mar-14 19:37:37

Sympathies OP: my ds1 is 15mo and he spends a lot of the day crying and moaning and hanging off my legs and having tantrums...! He is exhausting and I only have one.

Since Xmas DS has cut 4 molars and I can just see 4 canine teeth just below the gum as well so I think I can conclude that he is in almost constant low level pain sad

The odd dose of calpol or nurofen when I am at my wits end seems to cheer him up a bit so I guess he is in pain. Could your Dd be the same?

I am at work 4 days and apparently he as happy as a pig in poop at nursery hmm so I think part of it is pushing the boundaries at home where he feels safest.

He has been a handful since birth though so this new phase of horror hasn't really come as a surprise...!

I cope by going to work (mum of the year award goes to...) and regularly tagging in with my DH at evenings and on weekends....when he is being really demanding and grumpy we do 10 minute shifts each :-/

Let's keep saying this too shall pass. Eh?!

TheGreatHunt Thu 20-Mar-14 19:43:48

Ah your poor dd - she is only little. She isnt doing it on purpose. Have you ruled out silent reflux, tongue tie etc ?

ikeaismylocal Thu 20-Mar-14 19:47:09

Is she ever happy/content/calm? It must be horrible for her to feel so unhappy and unsettled all the time.

My ds is 15 months old and if we go out all day he is pleased but he does get grumpy if we are inside for a few days ( if he is ill) we just go out every day.

Could your dp step in to care for dd2 so you get some time with your older dc?

30SecondsToVenus Thu 20-Mar-14 19:49:02

My advice would be to tackle one thing at a time. Sort out mealtimes, then move on to bedtimes, then general discipline (where possible with a 13mo).

I totally sympathise with you and it is really difficult but it will get better. I know that's no use now but if you get a chance tonight, sit and write down what you want and need to change and tick one thing of at a time.

Keep at it and don't give in

wine thanks

slightlyconfused85 Thu 20-Mar-14 21:08:20

Poor you. My DD is now 16.5 months. She is prone to a good tantrum but is basically good fun and happy. Up until 13ish months I kid you not she cried constantly. She then cut her 16th tooth and transformed into a human! She was a bad tether and in hindsight I think she was always in pain. Try all the teething remedies, and hang on in there. Get dh to look after her while you see to dd1

slightlyconfused85 Thu 20-Mar-14 21:09:48

Also how is her sleep? Does she get enough for her?

rootypig Thu 20-Mar-14 21:14:56

For the teethers, Anbesol liquid is the business. Tiny vial of magic.

OP, agree with those who say this doesn't sound right for someone who is still really a baby. No advice without more detail - but it sounds like you need to carve out space for DD1, and your marriage. Can you and DH go out for a drink and talk about how you can rebalance things?

Hugs, it sounds really tough.

naty1 Thu 20-Mar-14 21:15:12

I agree with others teething until 18m and now have had a gap of about 3m and got grizzly baby back at 21/22m hopefully thus is the second yr molars and the end in sight.
But it has given an insight into how good she can be.
At worst at 13m she was crying to be picked up etc. she had reflux and has vomited about 6times now i think from swallowing saliva when teething - no dribbling.
It is likely to get better is she a good talker if not some could be frustration

My oldest DS drove me to despair like this.

We did not find out he had bad reflux and lying down hurt him as his throat filled with acid.

We thought he was a "difficult" child, and now he is 11, and he is a gentle sweet boy, but we just did not know that in the early years ( still feel guilty about our negative feelings).

See a doctor and kick up a bit if a fuss, say it is not normal and your baby needs help. It coukd be reflux, lactose intolerance, stomach pains anything.

Get to the bottom of it, something is bothering her.

TheBakeryQueen Thu 20-Mar-14 21:39:11

I know you are clearly stressed but a baby can't possibly be responsible for your marriage problems.

She is just a baby, not deliberately naughty. She doesn't have any control over her behaviour & if she is distressed she can only tell you by screaming/crying.

Maybe your dd1 was very placid and so your expectations of dd2 are far too high?

Do you think you might have PND? Either way please talk to your gp about your feelings.

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