help help 5 yr old horrid behaviour at home and some at school - biting pinching spitting

[sukima]

he can be so lovely. but his listening is atrociious and he just hits out if he doesnt like what someone says to him.

eg this morning i said he couldnt take in big toy to scool coz he lost one last week, he spat at me, and shouted. so i have told him no treat after school

eg on way home from beach, his big brother teased him so he scratched him so hard it drew blood and left giant bruise.

what can we do? how can we help him to make him listen?


its driving our family nuts and husband fast loosing patience.

[TheGreatHunt]

Can he hear properly? Have you had his hearing checked?

[BarbarianMum]

Tell your dh to go grow some patience - he'll be needing it over the next 13 years or so!

What I've found w my sons is that the first few years of school are hugely (often overwhelmingly) demanding and behaviour suffers as a consequence.

What helps with us is:
-lots of down time and early nights
-a snack immediately on coming out of school (as they reach you, mine couldn't even wait til we were home 10 min later)
-an adult on hand to supervise just after school to avoid arguments/teasing fights (usually they get on well together but after school they are knackered and touchy)
-immediate consequences for hitting/hurting (let school deal w incidents in school as much as you can)
-lots of love and cuddles (ds2 who is 6 oscillates b/w being 'big' and needing reassurance like a toddler )

The book 'How to talk so children listen, and listen so children talk' helped me, although you cannot talk to ds2 at the time that he is angry.

HTH

[BarbarianMum]

Oh and I spend a lot of times telling ds2 what he can do when he's angry (telling me/his brother with his voice), stamping, going off to have a calm down etc

[sukima]

thankyou barbarian mum, really appreciate your comments.
yes especially lots of adult attention just after school when they are tired etc...

will look into that book as well.
thanks again, feeling at wits end,
just want to create peaceful happy family and home

[sukima]

ps

what sort of punishment do you do for hitting hurting?

do you give punishment at home if teacher says he has been hitting at school????

[BarbarianMum]

Hitting is an automatic 6 minutes on the naughty step,no matter what the provocation. If he's in one of those moods when I can see that he'll just get off the step and keep on squabbling then he needs to be in the room I'm in til he's properly calm. Total meltdown=bedroom.

We haven't really had hitting at school but I personally wouldn't punish such a young child at home for something that happened at school, though I'd be clear that it wasn't acceptable yo hit. Instead Id maybe let him earn small rewards (marbles in a jar, 10 marbles=treat) for every good day.
One other thought. Do the teachers say, or can ds tell you what is triggering the hitting?