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Advice needed re 2.5 yr old.

(6 Posts)
Jakeyblueblue Fri 14-Mar-14 13:28:21

Hi all,
Bit of an odd one this, but was hoping for some advice from some experienced mums as not sure the best way to deal with this.
Am currently 14 weeks preg with dc2, ds1 is 2.5. Unfortunately I've had Hyperemesis this time around and have been so ill that I had to move to my mums as was struggling to take care of my son or myself. I was there for six weeks and have just came home last week as finally controlled with the right meds. Mums is about 25 miles away and dh works long hours so he would only come over at the weekends and when he could during that time.
To start with, ds was fine with it all but as the weeks went by he really started to pine for his dad and when he left he got very distressed.
He's always been a mummy's boy but Since we've been home, he's turned into a major daddy's boy. Cries every morning because daddy has gone to work etc.
Anyway the major problem is that since the weekend he has started to refuse to leave the house. I've tried bribing him with all sorts but he just asks if daddy's coming and when I say daddy's at work he says he's staying here. I forced him the last couple of days to go to the park and it was horrific. He's not one for tantrums but had an enormous one and it resulted in me dragging him out the house kicking and screaming, which wasn't great as he's huge and I'm still weak from the HG. He was ok once he got there but it's the getting out the house.
Just not sure how to handle it. I'm sure it's related to some anxiety about his dad not being there or me taking him away again for weeks, and I've tried explaining we are coming home etc but it's not helped. I've also asked him if he'd go out with daddy and he said he would but don't know if that's true until we try tmrw when dh is not at work.
Part of me thinks I shouldn't pander to this as we can't be prisoners in the house, I need to do jobs and he's driving me crackers cooped up.
The other part of me thinks I shouldn't force him and make it more of an issue. Do I just trust this is a phase and will get better? He's cutting back molars which is making him unsettled so wonder if this is all part of it too? He did go out with me last week, this has just been since the weekend.

Auntierosemary Fri 14-Mar-14 13:52:45

You poor thing! Sounds v stressful. But it sounds like a normalish type of reaction of kids of this age toa big change. I'm sure he just needs time to adjust. Maybe go out as much as possible this weekend with your dh and see how he is next week? If he is the same then I would prob just go with it and have a few days nesting in at home. My daughter has had a few weIRD stages and phobias but has outgrown them all in time. Ime it takes imagination, as opposed to force, to get them out of it. Maybe you could have a few gruffalo themed days at home with a plan to go out to find the gruffalo in thepark at the end of the week, that kind of thing!

Goldmandra Fri 14-Mar-14 14:38:52

Can you spend some time the night before or in the morning going through your plans for the day together with your DH so your DS know what you'll be doing and at which point in the proceedings Daddy will be home?

If he feels like Daddy has been part of the planning and knows what you'll be doing too he might feel more able to go out without him. It will also mean he doesn't worry about not being there when Daddy gets home.

Goldmandra Fri 14-Mar-14 14:40:03

You could also get your DH to ask him to do some sort of job while he's out like picking up something from the shops.

chattychattyboomba Fri 14-Mar-14 15:01:38

Poor you sadI can relate on both counts, the HG and the wilful toddler. DD is 3 next month and I am 30 weeks pregnant. She went through a phase of refusing to do everything, even things she normally loves and looks forward to. It was consistent with the big changes and I felt guilty. I couldn't do anything really just... Try to go on as normal and wait for it to pass. (Try not to curl up in a cave and never come out lol) We do a ballet class together every Friday and she would kick up a stink at the mere mention of it, whereas in the past she would be skipping with joy to go. Anyway she was very excited again the past 2 weeks we have been to ballet. She's back to her normal loving self. She even told me in prompted that she loved me very much today over lunch smile All I can say is, it is a phase, it will pass. It is extremely difficult so I have bucket loads of empathy for you! Hang in there, it will all be ok soon x

Jakeyblueblue Fri 14-Mar-14 17:34:42

Thanks everyone, especially the last poster. Feel reassured this is just a phase and I won't end up with an agoraphobic 2yr old!
This afternoon I tried a different tactic, I didn't ask him, I put his shoes and jumper and my bag all ready in the car so not to alert him we were going out by battling with shoes and then just picked him up and carried him out. He went in the car as sweet as a nut to my surprise. I'm wondering if alongside the daddy issue, he's just asserting his authority and saying no because he can. Maybe I need to stop giving him the option.
Daddy home all weekend now so he will be pleased and I will see how I go next week! Feel lucky that my HG is now under control but it's still a killer and makes everything so much harder!
Thanks again. smile

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