"Too well-behaved for her own good"

[marialuisa]

This is how our new childminder has described DD who is nearly 3. To explain, she goes to school nursery f/t but I don't get school holidays off with my new job so we've had to find a childminder. She seems very nice and DD is happy enough to go (Monday was first day) but DD has been quite bewildered by the behaviour of some of the other kids. For example 2 girls about 6 months older than her seem to delight in hiding her cuddly rabbit and other "teasing". DD gets quite horrified by this and has said that they're "nasty". The childminder has said that a couple of the other kids tend to snatch/push and whilst i'm happy she's keeping an eye on the situation I'm concerned that DD gets so distressed by the incidents but at the same time prefer to have my rather sensible little girl rather than one that'll shove and tease back. Does any of this make sense? I understand that a lot of the stuff that happens is "just kids" but wonder how to help DD not take everything so seriously. sorry, concerned ramble.

[LadyCodworth]

Is she an only child?
I would be hacked off if someone hid ds1 s rabbit repeatedly, but I do think that kids need to be able to learn how to deal with it.

[katierocket]

have you spoken to the nursery about it? what do they say?

[marialuisa]

School have commented that she's very well-behaved. This sort of thing doesn't upset her, there's no crying, shouting, pushing etc, she just leaves them to it and then says "they are silly and mean". Similarly the same kids did the "see food" thing and DD was revolted. Have to wetcomb but will post later.

[marialuisa]

sorry original post was qite mislading. not "hacked off2 with other kids' behaviour and DD does 2deal with it". She just doesn't react in the way most kids would. She just seems to be missing that streak which most kids have whereby teasing/being stupid is seen as fun. But really it's no bad thing. I think she's just a bit self-possessed about some things and i'm overreacting to this because for once her behaviour mirrors my own as a child.

[Posey]

Sounds like my dd. She too found this sort of behaviour quite alien.She still does and she's 6. As long as they don't get walked over. We taught dd, if it was the instance of the rabbit, to just say "I want my rabbit back" in a firm voice, no tears as that is what they want to see.
Dd is now a very popular girl, everyones friend, doesn't get involved in classroom squabbles. As her teacher said at parents evening last week, she hasn't a nasty bone in her body. She's just a nice 6 year old, not a wet thing, sensible and considerate. Keep up the good work with your dd, she sounds like she's a lovely girl.

[marialuisa]

Thanks posey. The childminder did say that she thought the other girls would have dropped it more quickly if DD had reacted. TBH your solution with your DD sounds perfect. I really don't want to encourage her to respond in kind IYSWIM and although she's far from wet at the moment (takes after her dad) I do worry when she talks about some of the behaviour. It seems quite "bitchy" already, for want of a better explanation. I think DD's tendency to go over the episodes, which I'd interpreted as distress is actually more her trying to make sense of the other kids. We had a good chat whilst bug-busting!

[Evita]

My dd is only 16 months but I've noticed similar things already. She's NEVER snatched a toy off another child yet and when they snatch from her she just looks at them with a snooty bemused expression and stand there staring but never attempts to get it back.

I don't think there's anything one can do, and anyway it's really rather a sweet character trait isn't it?

[aloha]

My ds doesn't react aggressively when things are taken from him (usually just finds something else to play with) but can be extremely - if quietly - assertive and determined if he really wants something back. I think they often have their own ways of handling things and your dd seems fine to me

[handlemecarefully]

Your dd sounds lovely. Can I have her?

I think your dd will learn to cope with the other little girls in her own good time....she sounds very grown up.

[marialuisa]

Thanks everyone. I just try to remind myself that she's saving all her brattish potential for when she gets to 6 or 7.

[Twinkie]

That is just how I would have described DD - unitl recently that is - she is 4 at the beginning of June and has just realised she has mind of her own is start ing to say NO to things - I'm like what, sorry I am the mummy - you can't say no to me!!

It doesn't last to be thankful that she is such an angel att he moment!!