At what age did your DDs discover their vaginas?

[Skillbo]

Obviously, I remember that I was definitely under 5 as i have a clear memory of talking to my mum about it but just wondered!

DD, 4, has started getting very interested to the point she is putting her fingers up there and playing with it in the bath. I wasn't that bothered by it as presume she is just exploring her body but H (who i am separated from) has said it is weird!

DD has recently struck up a friendship with our next door neighbours, boy of 6 and a girl who's 11. H says she is.not to be left alone with them as he doesn't trust them I think he's overreacting and they are all children - when i see them play it is never inappropriate or borderline...?

I think DD is at a normal developmental stage and would be sad to separate her from her new friends but would welcome anyone elses experiences. Thank you

[noisytoys]

DD2 is just about discovering hers and she's 2.5. DD1 (age 5) is asked to leave the room and go somewhere private if she is exploring.

[Skillbo]

and sorry if i offended anyone with my other username - i didn't think before posting and it was inappropriate!

I would still appreciate any advice though - thank you

[Tubemole1]

My daughter was about 4. If she still wants to fiddle I remind her to do it only in private, when her dad and won't me won't walk in on her.

She also through a phase of running around in the buff, but only around our house. If we have visitors, she instantly runs to her room and finds clothes to put on.

[ellesabe]

My dd found her bits at 5mo

She sits in her little bath seat sucking the thumb on one hand and fiddling with the other

[Skillbo]

It's not so much the fiddling, i guess.. as mentioned, i think that's normal and healthy and whilst I'm not going to openly encourage her, i am definitely not going to make it a big deal - just explain it's for private times like you suggest.

I suppose it is H's reaction - that an 11yr old girl is 'teaching' her things and that she shouldn't be around her. The neighbour comes across as quiet and innocent herself. With H not being in the house, i don't know whether to stop them seeing each other entirely, police them or go against his wishes and let them play together. H thinks its weird that an 11yr old wants to play with a 4yr old but i think it's pretty.normal from both sides...?

[Skillbo]

Perhaps if i continue to state she's doing what other girls her age do, he might start to see it... goodness knows!

[fififrog]

I can't comment on the privates, but I would be inclined to think it a coincidence. Re 11yr old + 4 yr old, I was very close to my cousin whenever I got the chance to see her (her parents lived abroad an she sometimes came to stay for a few days during boarding school holidays) and she is 10 years older than me. I remember many happy hours spent together when I was about six and she was sixteen. Not that unusual I'd have thought.

[ChippingInWiredOnCoffee]

He's being an idiot - don't buy into it. Even if the kids are playing 'you show me yours & I'll show you mine' it's what kids do and is harmless.

Talk to your DD about 'private bits of your body' and that it's perfectly OK to say NO - even very loudly, if someone is asking you to do something you aren't happy about etc and remind her that she can talk to you about anything...

As I have said on other threads I lost count of how many times I said things like 'Don't put barbies leg 'up there' you will hurt yourself'... girls that age 'fiddle' especially in the bath, it's normal.

[willowisp]

I think all the answers are a bit odd - little girl sticking her fingers up inside her ? Bizarre (or at 40+ am I old ?)

My DD's are 7 & 10 & they don't fiddle with themselves, other than the younger on squeezes her legs & is told to stop. She knows she's not to do it & I don't want to approve that behaviour by telling her to do it in private.

I think it's also odd the 4 yr old playing with an 11 yr old...go keep an eye on them.

[ChippingInWiredOnCoffee]

Willow - I'm 40 odd as well, twas perfectly normal when I was a child and still is now. Your kids have obviously picked up on the fact that you don't approve and do it privately, your thoughts are delusional if you think they have never had a fiddle with their bits. A 4 year old and an 11 year old do not need 'keeping an eye on'.

[maja00]

You don't want to "approve that behaviour" What does that mean?

[sweetiepie1979]

Willow thats an odd reaction and quite sad.
Yes normal for them to play with their bits OP but you k iw that. Regarding 11 year old she probably feels like a grown up looking aftre a little one, she's at that age. But it depends on whether you would usually take guidance from husband. If my DH said it to me I'd presume he'd picked up on something instinctively and I'd keep an eye because it isn't something I'd expect him to say iyswim.

[sweetiepie1979]

I also meant to say that my dd is 2 next month and discovered her bits.

[mrsyattering]

Dd was about two and is now six and still "wriggles" although is told in private only. She's fascinated with boobs, willies and vaginas. She has a 4 yr old dh too. All normal IMO

[MultipleMama]

I think it's harmless, no need to make a big deal out of it.

Dd is 26mo and she fiddles with it in the bath - even when DH baths her. We make sure she knows only to explore with her Mary (name we use for it) in private.

We laid the same rules with DS when he started exploring.

I think it's a natural thing for them to explore. I can understand H's concerns but it seems he's making a mountain out of a mole hill.

[JacqueslePeacock]

I would ignore your XH. He sounds quite odd to be concerned about this. It seems absolutely normal to me and I can't imagine it's anything to do with being friends with an 11 yr old. If you are genuinely concerned, you could keep an eye on them for a bit and see if there's anything that doesn't feel right there. But the discovering vaginas bit is all completely normal as far as I am aware, and I'm a bit shocked at willowisp saying she doesn't want to encourage what is perfectly natural exploration of their bodies.

[mrsyattering]

*Db not dh!

[Skillbo]

Thank you all... and thanks for the posts about the two girls friendship.

H admits he is paranoid about lots of things but as mentioned, perhaps he's picked up something I'm missing... will perhaps keep a subtle eye & ear on them.

Thanks again

[ChippingInWiredOnCoffee]

H admits he is paranoid about lots of things

Probably tells you all you need to know. Don't make your DD's childhood miserable because of his paranoia.

[MultipleMama]

Willow - It's not odd, it seems from your post - and this is just an opinion based on that - that you're a little prudish towards anything "intimate". Again, just an opinion based on your post.

They don't need to be kept an eye on. Unless H has seen or heard anything then it's nothing to fuss over.

[evelynj]

I have a 3 yo DS & tbh without educating ourselves on how we should react, (which myself & dh haven't fully done as yet), I think it's difficult to know what to do and say.

My dh said once to DS ' if you keep playing with that it will fall off'!

Obv what's been said to him when he was younger but without thinking about it properly & no guidance I think he just thought he should say something at the time. I have friends who think it's appalling that their bil has a shower & allows his 4 yo daughter to see him naked which I think is fine, (they are strict Presbyterian & a bit backward IMO). Perhaps your EH is just a bit freaked out as it's a new situation to deal with.

I agree with other posters that I wouldn't worry about it, or with playing with older girl, although I wouldn't have previously thought of sending my DS to do it in private.

[StitchAteMySleep]

Hi Skillbo, hope you are well.

Dd1 has never really shown much of an interest in her vagina, she is the same age.

Dd2 (16 months now) is into grabbing hers whenever I take her nappy off.

My nieces who are 8, 10, 11, 13 and 14 all play with dd1, so I don't think an 11 year old girl playing with a 4 year old is unusual. She is probably looking at her as a little sister.

Some children are exposed to material or experiences beyond their years at an early age and can exhibit sexualised behaviours. My DH had a friend with 4 boys, they were never allowed to be alone with dd1 because of the nature of conversations they had with each other and other children.

I have pm-ed you my experience.

You have to make a judgement call based on your knowledge of the children and their behaviour/background and how well you know them. Automatically equating natural your dd's natural exploration of her body to outside influences is slightly paranoid, but just occasionally it does happen.