Cannot cope with 20 month old anymore(22 Posts)
How stressful. First advice...buy no more crisps, sweets or biscuits at all. None. Second advice, ensure the dogs are not in the room when she eats her meals.
Is she getting out on a daily basis? Park or softplay? She sounds very energetic and I know with SPD that is very difficult....but maybe there's someone else who could take her?
Didn't want to leave you hanging. You are not alone. I sympathise completely. My DS's are now 6 and 3 and I remember all of that vividly. All the mess, the destruction. I guess I used to just try to contain things, get out and see other people in the same boat. And lower my expectations (we used to have a cream carpet in our living room mwahahaha, I remember saying on many occasions (it doesn't matter, it's only chocolate cake/ orange juice/tomato sauce) had that Vanish carpet cleaner stuff on standby)
Definitely leaving the room for a wee five minutes and having a cup of tea is the answer.
You need to eat. I got quite ill through being to busy to eat/taking care of everybody else. Everything else will be affected if you are not looking after yourself.
Why don't you feed her off your own massively full plate? Then there will be enough for both of you. Eventually toddlers being contrary beings, she'll want to have her own plate anyway.
I think that's a good idea re the shared plate BUT it might be unhelpful when the DD is around other people as she'll not have learned not to take from other people's plates.
Neo you're so right. She'll no doubt go on taking food off of other people's plates well into her twenties. Oh the horror!!
OP agree that you need to eat. Do you sit at the table together for meals and is she strapped into something - high hair? Booster seat? I think that needs to be the starting point. You put both your food already on plates on the table. She cannot reach yours. You eat, ignore any throwing and tantrumming from her, just quietly eat your food. Every five mins or so pick her food up from the floor and calmly place it in front of her, no eye contact or conversation.
If she eats any of it praise lots, eye contact, smiles etc. if she asks for your food calmly say "no this is mummy's food, you have your own food". Repeat few times and then stop responding.
If she refuses to eat then when you are finished clear the table and say that mealtime is over. Don't offer snacks, don't give crisps or chocolate. Offer plain toast maybe an hour later if you're worried she's in need of food but don't keep coaxing her to eat. She needs to learn that she eats the food you give her at mealtimes. She obv won't like this so aim to get out the house and distract her.
Don't let her take control! You are a great mum and you are in charge.
Cut down the snacks and sweets. 2 packs of haribos will give her an awful sugar induced high alone. Put your foot down on this one. Too many carbs and sugars could be the reason she's always after food as it makes her crave more.
Stick to snacks like small bits of cheese, bananas, peanut butter on crackers, yoghurts etc. decent enough that they're filling and if she skips a meal you know she's had a proper bit in the day.
And be firm with relatives or do the intercept "oh thanks(take the food before it reaches DDs hand) DD will enjoy this after tea/at the weekend etc " Then stick it in your bag and change the subject/ distract.
You need to put your foot down about things like wotsits and haribo as they'll make her more hungry in the long run. Food like that creates a false "high" and when that wears off, the blood sugar plummets...hence the tantrums.
Could you make some yogurt and fruit ice lollies and keep them in the freezer instead of treats? And offer raisins and perhaps soft fruits as in-between meal snacks?
I am far from a health freak (love my chocolate and crisps) but I do try hard to ensure my DC don't eat too many sugary or salty foods. I really think you will see an improvment in her behaviour if you cut out the junk.
Could be a sugar rush, crisps and sweets sometimes leave kids craving for more and haribos are my worst nightmare.
Try carrot sticks, celery sticks, breadsticks with a nice dip, healthy sandwich cut into animal shapes using a biscuit cutter, toast with baked beans, jacket potatoes and fruit etc-less sugar, more filling so should stop her craving rubbish.
Present the food so that it looks appealing and tell her if she eats it all she may have a treat like prawn crackers or homemade ice lollies.
I had to tell my Mum NO MORE when she was bringing sweets daily to my DC. I pointed out that their teeth would drop out. It took ages...but she's with it now. Yo have to say no to your relatives OP.
Your biggest problem is your DP and your relatives. Your DD is getting conflicting/mixed messages.
First thing you need to do is explain to DP plus relatives that their refusal to support you is making you ill. They have to support you in this.
Then, no more sweets/crisps. Haribo wasn't around when my Dc were this age but any coloured sweets would have them bouncing off the walls.
Then you need routine. Knowing what is coming next helps a lot with tantrums.
When I was pregnant with Ds 2 I had to take loads of plastic bags with me everywhere because I had hyperemesis (for 9 months). I had to find enclosed places where I could safely let DS1 run round in circles while I tottered along, stopping every few minutes.
This had to be done morning and afternoon every day. He would be so hungry that he would eat whatever he was offered.
Be wary of letting her stay up till she goes into overdrive and becomes hyper and overtired. She needs at least 12 hours sleep out of every 24. If she isn't getting that she is overtired/overstimulated. Add sweets into the mix and you have a very wound up child.
Lots of what you say sounds like my 20 mth ds do hopefully very normal
Totally agree with the other posts. We could never give DS1 anything sugary after lunchtime as he would be really hyper and difficult to get to bed, 10 o'clock sometimes like yourself. He needed 12 hrs at night at this stage( still does) as like your dd very energetic. A lot of the other behaviour you describe is quite normal at this age and like one of the other posters stated its about managing it so its easy to deal with. You are doing all the right things, out everyday etc to run of energy. We found time out didn't work at this stage but being removed from all the fun did. We are still in this stage with DS2 age 2 and looking forward to it DD age 9 months. DS2 had great fun with a box of eggs yesterday he took out the shopping we were putting away. Deep breaths, count to 10, smile and wave, deep joy and all that. I actually find it easier to cope with this stage by getting into the mindset that it is complete madness at the moment and any time its not is a bonus, if you expect anything else that's when it gets stressful( hope that makes sense). My god though they keep you fit. Somebody asked me recently if I wanted to join them at a boot camp style exercise class, said no thanks I have my own at home.
Livvylongpants it sounds like a battle ground! Food is a major source of conflict for parents and unfortunately we live in a tidal wave of sweets and junk food and have to stem it anyway we can! Modeling good eating habits and behavior are the way forward. Having strict rules (for the time being) can help Don't give her any choice and save treats for Saturdays and let puddings be for pudding. A firm 'NO' if food is thrown and positive reinforcement for good eating behavior. Do not give snack except for designated snack times. Give her the same food that you are eating on a separate plate and sit at a table and eat together regularly if you can. Also kids are very sensitive to sugar and can actually become addicted to it. (just like us!) that will effect her mood. There are hidden sugars in lots of processed food...baked beans for example. It does sound like she has the basis of a good diet though.
If you start the day with a good breakfast with plenty of starch...a small potato, potato rosti (homemade as the shop brought ones have crap in them!) the starch will stablise natural sugars in the body and begin to settle her system and reduce the craving. Perhaps start a new routine of making breakfast a special family time and introducing this then.
I'd love to know how you get on.
I am training to be a postgrad 'supernanny' but am keenly aware that actually not having my own child yet i am not actually fully qualified. 12 weeks to go and I could be eating my words!!
I don't know why Livvylongpants but that made me laugh. This is 'the terrible two's i guess?!
When you are stressed it is easy to give in for a quiet life.. A chef? Autistic child? another child on way? yup. I'll be tempted to give my child a bag of haribo for a quiet life and to get a smile every now and again!
You'll get it sorted i'm sure.
Who does the weekly shop? Start with that OP...take control and tell DH that he's wrecking DDs teeth and her health.
U could also try more protein as well as carbs, our ds is same 95th percentile height was 90th weight but slimmed down now he is walking etc.. I always try and give him protein and carbs as well as fruit n veg because he gets hungry all the time (like me!) helps sustain them longer.. And low gi foods if possible.. I know u dont have much
any! time probably but can u make mealtimes fun? I played with our kids and nephews at mealtimes, making broccoli into trees, (what birds are in your trees tonight, Etc) mash into clouds etc just talking with them and using imagination to keep them focused and eating and making it fun. I also made their food into faces on their plates as well... Tomatoes for eyes sausage for mouth etc.. She might be a bit young for that approach but u could try it...
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