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Cannot cope with 20 month old anymore

(22 Posts)
Livvylongpants Mon 27-May-13 13:56:48

Please help I'm literally at the end of my tether!! My daughter is a nightmare!!! Am currently in years as just cannot cope with her at the moment. I'm 22 weeks pregnant and have SPD and her behaviour is a nightmare.

She is obsessed with food. Se asked for sweets/crisps/cheese constantly and if she doesn't get it will throw herself into a tantrum. Whoever I give her meals she just throws it all to the dogs and doesn't eat it... And then is hungry so wants more food!
I feel like I cannot eat unless she's asleep as she won't leave me alone. Sticking her fingers all over my food and taking food (even though she has the same as us at every meal) I made homemade sausage rolls for lunch and she kept badgering me for mine. When I told her to eats hers she throws it on the floor. I'm so fed up and hungry I just want to scream as I just don't bother eAting as it just turns into a huge drama.

I try to only eat when she asleep but given That she doesn't always nap and will sometimes stay up till 10 (despite my best efforts) some days I don't eat at all.

Her behaviour overall isn't great. She just seems to want to break everything, climb everything and just do anything she isn't allowed to and I feel I am constantly shouting at her and feel horrible for it. I don't think des old enough for time out or taking things away as punishment I just don't know how to make her understand that this isn't acceptable behaviour. Sometime I have to leave the room for 5 minutes as I feel like I want to smack her... Which I know isn't going to achieve anything. Help please. From an exhausted, hungry and in pain mummy

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 27-May-13 14:10:56

How stressful. sad First advice...buy no more crisps, sweets or biscuits at all. None. Second advice, ensure the dogs are not in the room when she eats her meals.

Is she getting out on a daily basis? Park or softplay? She sounds very energetic and I know with SPD that is very difficult....but maybe there's someone else who could take her?

TootsieFrootsie Mon 27-May-13 14:12:15

Didn't want to leave you hanging. You are not alone. I sympathise completely. My DS's are now 6 and 3 and I remember all of that vividly. All the mess, the destruction. I guess I used to just try to contain things, get out and see other people in the same boat. And lower my expectations (we used to have a cream carpet in our living room mwahahaha, I remember saying on many occasions (it doesn't matter, it's only chocolate cake/ orange juice/tomato sauce) had that Vanish carpet cleaner stuff on standby)

Definitely leaving the room for a wee five minutes and having a cup of tea is the answer.

You need to eat. I got quite ill through being to busy to eat/taking care of everybody else. Everything else will be affected if you are not looking after yourself.

Why don't you feed her off your own massively full plate? Then there will be enough for both of you. Eventually toddlers being contrary beings, she'll want to have her own plate anyway.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 27-May-13 14:16:21

I think that's a good idea re the shared plate BUT it might be unhelpful when the DD is around other people as she'll not have learned not to take from other people's plates.

TootsieFrootsie Mon 27-May-13 14:39:47

Neo you're so right. She'll no doubt go on taking food off of other people's plates well into her twenties. Oh the horror!!

Livvylongpants Mon 27-May-13 14:52:21

Yes we do get out everyday. Even if its just to walk the dog. We don't use the buggy anymore as she can walk quite far and it wears her out (sounds mean but she ALWAYS has energy lol)

Up until she was 18 months she was perfect, so we never had to say no or put down boundaries and now I feel we've made a rod for our own backs. :/ she's always eaten anything right from the word go and had a great appetite so Nanny and grandad and aunties etc all give her treats etc and now she just expects them.
Mm today already she has had

Satsuma, grapes and muller rice for breakfast
2 x party bags of haribo (SIL gave her these)
Pack of wot sits
Sausage roll (large one)(homemade not Greggs smile
Cadbury milky button yoghurt
More grapes

I have tried removing all treats but DP and SS always end up getting some. I'm happy for her to have fruit as much as she likes but I don't want her having crisps and sweets all the time as they are bad for her.

We used to plate share but it just caused friction as she didn't want to share but obviously I'm meant too the in laws all pander too it and let her eat of there plates as they think her appetite is cute after all having fussy eating kids. But I'm worried about her getting fat lol. (She's 'cute chubby' currently but certainly doesn't need any more weight)

Sorry for rambling. It seems like I'm the only person who this bothers, everyone else just says 'oh well she's only a baby' but she's nearly 2 and at some point need to Learn she can't have what she wants when she wants , but I have no idea how to teach get this

WallaceWindsock Mon 27-May-13 14:52:58

OP agree that you need to eat. Do you sit at the table together for meals and is she strapped into something - high hair? Booster seat? I think that needs to be the starting point. You put both your food already on plates on the table. She cannot reach yours. You eat, ignore any throwing and tantrumming from her, just quietly eat your food. Every five mins or so pick her food up from the floor and calmly place it in front of her, no eye contact or conversation.

If she eats any of it praise lots, eye contact, smiles etc. if she asks for your food calmly say "no this is mummy's food, you have your own food". Repeat few times and then stop responding.

If she refuses to eat then when you are finished clear the table and say that mealtime is over. Don't offer snacks, don't give crisps or chocolate. Offer plain toast maybe an hour later if you're worried she's in need of food but don't keep coaxing her to eat. She needs to learn that she eats the food you give her at mealtimes. She obv won't like this so aim to get out the house and distract her.

Don't let her take control! You are a great mum and you are in charge.

CreatureRetorts Mon 27-May-13 14:55:54

Cut down the snacks and sweets. 2 packs of haribos will give her an awful sugar induced high alone. Put your foot down on this one. Too many carbs and sugars could be the reason she's always after food as it makes her crave more.

Stick to snacks like small bits of cheese, bananas, peanut butter on crackers, yoghurts etc. decent enough that they're filling and if she skips a meal you know she's had a proper bit in the day.

WallaceWindsock Mon 27-May-13 14:56:12

And be firm with relatives or do the intercept "oh thanks(take the food before it reaches DDs hand) DD will enjoy this after tea/at the weekend etc " Then stick it in your bag and change the subject/ distract.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 27-May-13 14:58:36

You need to put your foot down about things like wotsits and haribo as they'll make her more hungry in the long run. Food like that creates a false "high" and when that wears off, the blood sugar plummets...hence the tantrums.

Could you make some yogurt and fruit ice lollies and keep them in the freezer instead of treats? And offer raisins and perhaps soft fruits as in-between meal snacks?

I am far from a health freak (love my chocolate and crisps) but I do try hard to ensure my DC don't eat too many sugary or salty foods. I really think you will see an improvment in her behaviour if you cut out the junk.

pumpkinsweetie Mon 27-May-13 15:06:41

Could be a sugar rush, crisps and sweets sometimes leave kids craving for more and haribos are my worst nightmare.
Try carrot sticks, celery sticks, breadsticks with a nice dip, healthy sandwich cut into animal shapes using a biscuit cutter, toast with baked beans, jacket potatoes and fruit etc-less sugar, more filling so should stop her craving rubbish.
Present the food so that it looks appealing and tell her if she eats it all she may have a treat like prawn crackers or homemade ice lollies.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 27-May-13 15:07:56

I had to tell my Mum NO MORE when she was bringing sweets daily to my DC. I pointed out that their teeth would drop out. It took ages...but she's with it now. Yo have to say no to your relatives OP.

3littlefrogs Mon 27-May-13 15:10:21

Your biggest problem is your DP and your relatives. Your DD is getting conflicting/mixed messages.

First thing you need to do is explain to DP plus relatives that their refusal to support you is making you ill. They have to support you in this.

Then, no more sweets/crisps. Haribo wasn't around when my Dc were this age but any coloured sweets would have them bouncing off the walls.

Then you need routine. Knowing what is coming next helps a lot with tantrums.

When I was pregnant with Ds 2 I had to take loads of plastic bags with me everywhere because I had hyperemesis (for 9 months). I had to find enclosed places where I could safely let DS1 run round in circles while I tottered along, stopping every few minutes.

This had to be done morning and afternoon every day. He would be so hungry that he would eat whatever he was offered.

Be wary of letting her stay up till she goes into overdrive and becomes hyper and overtired. She needs at least 12 hours sleep out of every 24. If she isn't getting that she is overtired/overstimulated. Add sweets into the mix and you have a very wound up child.

Livvylongpants Mon 27-May-13 15:30:29

Thanks for all the advice. I think the conflicting is spot on.

DP is stay at home dad Monday - Friday and just seems to give it to her! I will ignore her tantrums but be just gives it her to keep her quiet and so the circle continues!!

Her meals are generally healthy (sausage rolls aren't a regular thing but I had some sausage meet and pastry left over) she often has beans on toast, jacket potato with sweet corn, she loves stews and pies (anything with gravy, must be from my northern side of the family) and loves meat.

The more I write the more I'm realising Its probably DP I need to train not DD

SS (12) who lives with us is autistic and therefore only eats certain things, therefore DP always thinks its better she eats lots then hardly anything (like SS)

We don't all eat at the table as due to a weirdly shaped house we don't have room for one, but she has her own table and chairs to sit at. She always has what we have and has done, within reason, since weaning began, she's alwys eaten lots and been on 99th percentile for height and between 65th and 90th for weight so is in proportion,

LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning Mon 27-May-13 15:42:00

Lots of what you say sounds like my 20 mth ds do hopefully very normal grin

BabsAndTheRu Mon 27-May-13 15:46:41

Totally agree with the other posts. We could never give DS1 anything sugary after lunchtime as he would be really hyper and difficult to get to bed, 10 o'clock sometimes like yourself. He needed 12 hrs at night at this stage( still does) as like your dd very energetic. A lot of the other behaviour you describe is quite normal at this age and like one of the other posters stated its about managing it so its easy to deal with. You are doing all the right things, out everyday etc to run of energy. We found time out didn't work at this stage but being removed from all the fun did. We are still in this stage with DS2 age 2 and looking forward to it DD age 9 months. DS2 had great fun with a box of eggs yesterday he took out the shopping we were putting away. Deep breaths, count to 10, smile and wave, deep joy and all that. I actually find it easier to cope with this stage by getting into the mindset that it is complete madness at the moment and any time its not is a bonus, if you expect anything else that's when it gets stressful( hope that makes sense). My god though they keep you fit. Somebody asked me recently if I wanted to join them at a boot camp style exercise class, said no thanks I have my own at home.

Thinkingpositively Mon 27-May-13 15:51:40

Livvylongpants it sounds like a battle ground! Food is a major source of conflict for parents and unfortunately we live in a tidal wave of sweets and junk food and have to stem it anyway we can! Modeling good eating habits and behavior are the way forward. Having strict rules (for the time being) can help Don't give her any choice and save treats for Saturdays and let puddings be for pudding. A firm 'NO' if food is thrown and positive reinforcement for good eating behavior. Do not give snack except for designated snack times. Give her the same food that you are eating on a separate plate and sit at a table and eat together regularly if you can. Also kids are very sensitive to sugar and can actually become addicted to it. (just like us!) that will effect her mood. There are hidden sugars in lots of processed food...baked beans for example. It does sound like she has the basis of a good diet though.

If you start the day with a good breakfast with plenty of starch...a small potato, potato rosti (homemade as the shop brought ones have crap in them!) the starch will stablise natural sugars in the body and begin to settle her system and reduce the craving. Perhaps start a new routine of making breakfast a special family time and introducing this then.

I'd love to know how you get on.

I am training to be a postgrad 'supernanny' but am keenly aware that actually not having my own child yet i am not actually fully qualified. 12 weeks to go and I could be eating my words!!

Good luck

Livvylongpants Mon 27-May-13 16:03:43

God I can't wait until I go on maternity and can control the situation. The worst bit is my OH is a chef!! Yep a chef? She he knows all about sugars and balanced diets. He adores DD (comes from a family of boys) and just indulges her, but to be honest she's turning into a brat blush and its spreading now from just food to not being able to say no to anything or getting er to do as asked (Scrap the human rights law, sling out their families too. Show that anyone who commits a crime of treason will incur punishment upon their nearest and dearest. Too long have we put up with all this nonsense foisted upon us by the European Courts. If any Muslims are unable to live peaceably in a Christian country then , let them depart to those countries where they can follow the creed of their religion without upsetting decent law abiding citizens.stay in the trolley, hold my hand, putting nappy on)

It's a battlefield at the moment as I refuse to be dictated to by a nearly 2 year old.

She isn't always a nightmare and is very sweet and clever and at times hilarious. I just want to stop this so that I can actually enjoy the time I spend with her rather than clock watching for bedtime!

Livvylongpants Mon 27-May-13 16:05:31

Erm no idea what happened there. An article I was reading had just Come up in the middle of my post?? Stupid iPhone with a mind of its own - a racist mins by the looks of it

Thinkingpositively Mon 27-May-13 16:30:28

I don't know why Livvylongpants but that made me laugh. This is 'the terrible two's i guess?!

When you are stressed it is easy to give in for a quiet life.. A chef? Autistic child? another child on way? yup. I'll be tempted to give my child a bag of haribo for a quiet life and to get a smile every now and again!

You'll get it sorted i'm sure.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 27-May-13 16:34:59

Who does the weekly shop? Start with that OP...take control and tell DH that he's wrecking DDs teeth and her health.

CabbageHead Tue 28-May-13 14:08:08

U could also try more protein as well as carbs, our ds is same 95th percentile height was 90th weight but slimmed down now he is walking etc.. I always try and give him protein and carbs as well as fruit n veg because he gets hungry all the time (like me!) helps sustain them longer.. And low gi foods if possible.. I know u dont have much any! time probably but can u make mealtimes fun? I played with our kids and nephews at mealtimes, making broccoli into trees, (what birds are in your trees tonight, Etc) mash into clouds etc just talking with them and using imagination to keep them focused and eating and making it fun. I also made their food into faces on their plates as well... Tomatoes for eyes sausage for mouth etc.. She might be a bit young for that approach but u could try it...

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