Another failed attempt to potty-train DD 2.8

[cardamomginger]

Feeling really discouraged and like I am moving backwards, rather than forwards.

We had a stab at potty training over Christmas, when DD was 2.3. She was enthusiastic about pants, keen to have a go and was kind of getting it, except for the pants down and pants up parts of it. We both ended up frustrated with each other, and we were running out of holiday time to do it in, so we gave up.

I had major surgery in February, so wasn't really able to have another go until quite recently, when we tried the previous May bank holiday and again today. Now, she's just not getting it at all. Shows no awareness of when she needs to do a wee and answers my (probably far too) frequent questions 'do you need a wee' with an emphatic 'no', even though she may then do a wee a couple of minutes later. She now doesn't want to sit on the potty and try at all - she gets upset if I suggest it. I think part of it is that she gets so engrossed in what she's doing now, that she just doesn't notice that she needs to go until it's too late. Today we had 5 huge failures (we're both covered in it) and one success when she told me she needed to do a poo and did both that and a wee in the potty.

I don't think she's ready, and I'm wondering what to do. I was putting he on the potty before her bath, with some success. More recently she's been getting upset if she doesn't manage to do a wee in it, to the extent that she will refuse to come off it and starts screaming if we try and put her in the bath.

It feels like I should just stop. Would removing the potty completely be a good idea? Maybe talk to her and explain that she needs to tell me when she is ready and wants to do it, but until then there's no potty at all? In some ways, she's kind of having her cake and eating it - she gets to be a 'big girl' once a day, but can still enjoy all the perks of being a baby in nappies. Maybe getting her to make a choice and decide would be a good idea?

Help!!!

[flanbase]

Perhaps bypass the potty & go straight on the loo. You could use a smaller loo seat that is portable as well so you can take it when you go out.

[cardamomginger]

Not sure. She's denying that she needs to have a wee and not even making it the 6 inches to the potty, so really not sure how she'd manage with a trip to the bathroom and climbing up to the loo. Don't know! AAGGHHHH!!!!

[flanbase]

I only used a potty for my eldest & straight on the loo with the others. Just say today it's the loo. Everytime she uses it she gets a present. A small gift - crayons, a hairclip - can be a lucky dip. Curiosity will make her go on the loo & then see what the next gift will be. I did this with mine and worked every time. I got small things that they liked or fitted with the games they had so a playmobile character, some lego pieces, a book as a big present. Soon it will become just a usual thing to do and the gifts will stop. I never had a problem with this and never had to wash out a potty

[WhispersOfWickedness]

I'd take a break from it, it does sound like she's not ready. I would leave the potty out in the bathroom though and occasionally mention it, but really low key

[cardamomginger]

Thanks! Yes, I think I will take a complete break. When I mention it again, I will ask her whether she wants to go straight to the loo, and have that as an option. Bribery is also a good idea! I was going to do that tomorrow, but after the 4th and 5th massive accidents that occurred literally 30 seconds after asking her if she needed a wee, I thought the better of continuing.

I suppose what's frustrating is that in December she was 'getting it' so much more than she is now. I suppose I assumed that as time goes by she will get it more, not less. Apparently not!!

[Smartiepants79]

You don't say how many days you have been trying for.
We have recently trained our 2.9 DD. she was showing little interest but I'd had enough of nappies.
We went cold turkey. No pull-ups.
2 days of accidents and then none! Done.
It just seemed to take her a couple of days to understand what 'needing a wee' meant and she got it.

[duchesse]

I "potty-trained" DD3 for over a year, from 2.4 yo. She only got it a few months ago (about 3.6). I ought to have learned from the massive battles with DC 1, 2 and 3 but apparently I live in cloud cuckoo land.

Leave it for a few months. When they're ready, they do it easily.

[duchesse]

Actually I just thought of the thing that eventually appeared to work (apart from time I mean)- we started bribing DD just to sit on the potty- a jelly bean. This cut the stress of getting her on the potty in the first place. Later we bribed her only for trips to the potty in which her pants were still dry and clean. Something clicked and she started to like to keep her pants dry. We went from 12-16 pairs of pants per day to 1-2 in a very short space of time.

[MolotovCocktail]

Hay Cardamom (it's me, used to post as Lunarlyte: how are you?!) xx

Well, I'd give it a break. You've said yourself that your dd isn't ready. When we tried with dd1, when she was 2yo, it was horrendous. Days spent in with me imploring her to pee/poo in her potty. No fun for either of us.

My dd1 wasn't ready until she was 2.6yo and wasn't fully trained (as in dry at night) until she was around 3yo. Once it 'clicked' it was great and a privilege to see her and how proud of herself she was. But it's important not to force it because you won't yield the results.

Whenever she managed to pee/poo in the potty, I went overboard with praise. Never ever admonish for not managing to do it. Just say "nevermind, next time you'll go on your potty, won't you?" Enthusiasm is key. Making her want to do it and feel proud and 'like a big girl' is part of it.

Another good trick is to take her to the loo with you when you 'go'. To see you doing it will help to normalise the event in her mind.

Go shopping with her. Show her the types of big girl knickers she can wear once she potty trains.

It's a psychological thing, is potty training. Once your dd gets it into her head that she must go on the potty/toilet, she will and won't look back. Good luck xx

[MolotovCocktail]

Oh, and the preference to feeling 'dry' rather than 'wet' is another barrier to overcome. Once they're ready, they just fly. Don't worry.

[flanbase]

Just say - there's a present everytime you go on the loo & then show the present box and put it out of reach but in sight & be totally disinterested in her going on the loo or not. When she asks about the gifts you just say yes everytime you wee/poo in the loo you can have a lucky dip & again do something else. You mustn't appear concerned or even interested you just explain & then do something else. I can say that this has worked for mine & straight away :) The trick is to just be calm & explain the gifts and then do other things. The gifts must be in sight but out of reach & you must seem disinterested. Once she goes on the loo you are of course really pleased & it's a celebration

[cardamomginger]

Thanks for the ideas everyone. Flanbase - I like that system of bribery rewards. I shall have to work on faking a zen-like attitude .

Hi Molotov [waves and blows kisses]. Nice to see you! How are you doing? I'm not doing too badly. Still early days after my op (well, it's almost 16 weeks, but that still counts as 'early days'), but things are looking tentatively positive. Started physio and it's going to be a long hard slog.

Thanks for your thoughts. I take DD to the loo with me lots and she's very interested in what I'm doing and comments on it very loudly . In fact one of the accidents today occurred when I took her (and her potty) into the loo with me. She wouldn't join me by sitting on it and in her enthusiasm about what I was doing, she weed all over the floor. And then paddled in it. [sigh]

[MolotovCocktail]

I'm good thanks, cardamom x My lovely dd2 is 13mo now and tentatively taking her first steps. She's utterly gorgeous

I'm completely healed from my ELCS. The external scar is really neat and faded to an almost invisible white line. No new problems with my back, either.

Glad to read that things are looking positive for you. I guess it's just a case of taking each day as it comes. I guess that's the same for potty training, too. Count the positives and shy way from the negatives. Your dd will magically catch on when she's good and ready x

[CecilyP]

If you are both getting stressed, I would just abandon it for a while. The first time I tried with DS, it just didn't work, so I put him back in nappies with no mention of potties, pants or anything toilet related, then tried again 4 weeks later and it just worked.