at the end of our tether with our three year old

[monairethu]

our (almost) three year old is a handful at the moment. he is rough and destructive and unpredictable and prone to tantrums. all of this i can accept as being part of the package of having a three year old boy. but what is really hard is that he will not listen to sweet talking or reason - for instance potty training encouragement like 'big boys wee in the potty' is met with (shouting) 'no they don't - it's yeuchy' or 'you are being naughty' is met with 'no you're naughty'. he also says 'ouch, ouch, ouch' every time i touch him when getting dressed or whatever. i simply don't know how to respond to this and it drives me mad! he is also extremely clingy to me alone (not dad). so my questions - is this normal and how should we deal with it all? i'm hoping it's a shortlived phase!

[IwishIwasmoreorganised]

Ah, it's a lovely age

DS2 wouldn't entertain potty training until 2 days after his 3rd birthday. He had one wee accident in the car and that was it - job done!

He still does things very much on his terms - I don't fret any more if he chooses ridiculous clothes, odd breakfast combinations, winter hat on a hot day.......

......pick your arguments carefully - most things aren't worth wasting energy on IMO!

For the tantrums the best things with ds2 are complete distraction and humour.

Ds1 was never like this, but ds2 keeps us on our toes!

[CaptainSweatPants]

Have you tried bribery? Sticker charts etc
Chocolate buttons for using the potty ;-)

[MrsCF]

My three year old responds well to using counting to help him calm down. I started by counting up to ten to him and then asking him to explain in a calm voice what he wanted/ what is upsetting him. Now I tell him to count and he will count to ten and then do calm voice. It seems to take his mind off the thing that is upsetting him for enough time to breath and think about being calm.
I wouldn't push potty training if he doesn't want to do it you won't get anywhere. Mine was a month over three in January when we started, we have had ups and downs, but he wanted to do it, before that he was not cooperating at all.
I am sure the clingyness will get easier, kids are fickle one week mum is the best the next it will be dad!

[monairethu]

hi - thanks for your responses. the potty training thing is a bit of a red herring. the potty training itself isn't really a worry. he got the potty thing quickly and is now just going through the disinterested phase with it albeit a little aggressively! i know he will get there with it.

the issue is his behaviour generally. i don't care what he wears or funny breakfast requests etc and i'm not fussy about staying clean or keeping the house super tidy, but even if i do choose my battles there's still the biting, throwing things, breaking things and general stroppiness to deal with! if you let a three year old away with back chat will they do it forever? it doesn't seem like a good habit to encourage but then the more attention you give it the worse it gets...aaaargh!

like you iwish our older one wasn't like this at all!

[ItLooksLikeRainDear]

Sounds rather familiar! I have just read '123 magic' and started using it with DS (also aged 3) and it seems to be working so far.

[IwishIwasmoreorganised]

If distraction doesn't stop the unwanted behaviour them we have opted for ignoring ds2 at times. That has worked well.

Whatever you do, be consistent and thank your lucky stars that Yoir dc are so very different!.

[Theironfistofarkus]

I had one exactly like that. No useful advice really except to wait it out. Things are improving a year or so on.

[monairethu]

thanks all - it's just good to know that we're not alone! was beginning to think there was maybe something up with him!