Would you see a Doctor about this behaviour?

[QueenBoo]

DS1 is 8, and in y4. His teacher has put him in a SAP (Student Assistance Programme) group at school and suggested we see our doctor about him.
Her concerns are that he is often 'not with it' in class, he has to be reminded daily to do simple things e.g get his bookbag.
He also doesn't want to come to school when his teacher has PPA and a different teacher takes the class. When we ask him about this he says he likes the Teacher but "she doesn't do things right" and "it's just weird."

DH and I have been a little concerned about his 'ways' at home,
he often gets upset at change even 'good' change like going on holiday, he is happy to go to friends/relatives houses though.
He often gets upset but he doesn't know why/can't say why.
We have to remind him to do the same things everyday for example putting his socks on, opening his curtains.
He won't eat food in the shape of something for example a milky bar with a picture on it, he won't drink out of a cup with a picture on, he withdraws if he is offered these and it has made him heave on occasion.
He withdraws from large groups, if we have lots of visitors he goes to his room. He is fine with groups of his friends but wouldn't go to a school disco for example.
We seem to have been waiting for him to grow out of the above for a long time, and the older he gets the more these things seem to be a problem.

He has got lots of friends, and gets on well with people at school. Academically he is doing very well, he is in the higher groups in his class for English and Maths. He has a great imagination and sense of humour.
He doesn't love school and often says he doesn't want to go but he is always happy when I pick him up from school.

TIA

[Pagwatch]

Yes I would.
The school have concerns. You have awareness of issues that bother you. I would want to investigate. Without question.

[Shannaratiger]

Definately get it investigated, sounds very familiar to me.

[Rockinhippy]

A lot of what you say sounds quite normal to me - my DD is the same in a lot of ways - its gets worse from 7-8 onwards, not better - speaking with others with DCs this age into teens, once the hormones begin to even slightly surface - its back to treating them like toddlers with constant reminders & stating the bloody obvious

"not with it in class" from an obviously bright DC would suggest boredom to me - I used to be "a daydreamer" - I was really just bored witless as I was lucky enough to be able to learn very easily, but wasn't challenged enough to compensate having to wait until the others in class got it too - my DD thankfully is challenged enough with the work her class give her & her teachers being very aware of her learning ability make sure she is never bored - sometimes this can be something as simple as having her mentor other DCs who are struggling - as a result she is always " with it in class" - I wasn't.

The anti social thing can also be normal for some DCs too - DD gets a bit fed up of the constant noise, prattle & vying for top dog slot & will take herself out if the situation - even when her friends come here - because " they are getting on my nerves, they can't just get along"


How bright is he ?? Is it possible he is very bright/G&T & its not yet being picked up on as his teacher sees his boredom as "not with it" - the food texture thing would worry me a bit, its something our friends autistic DS suffers with, but then so does my DD & she definitely isn't AS spectrum, but she is considered exceptionally bright & I have read that these sensitivities can play a part with very bright DCs too

HTH

[Pagwatch]

I think trying to guess across the internet if the individual behaviours are indicative of a potential problem or not is not really helpful.

The op asked if they should be investigated. There are issues that the op is concerned about. Now the school have raised issues.
Of course it could be a swathe of non problematic things which the op can eventually relax about.
But surely the answer to the question 'should this be investigated or not' is yes.

I also don't recognise the 'it gets worse as they move from 7/8 to teenagers' scenario and I have three in that group. They get more Mormon sense, more capable and more organised. It's developmental.

[Pagwatch]

Mormon sense would be a strange thing I think.
Perhaps more common sense.

[QueenBoo]

Was trying to decipher Mormon sense

Thanks for you replies.
I have a 13yo DD and this is different to her hormonal stroppiness. DS is doing very well but I don't think he is exceptional academically.

DH wants to wait and see but I feel we have been waiting and seeing for a long time now, and as his teacher is concerned I feel it's not just me being an over concerned Mum.
I am not sure how to broach the subject with the Doctor though. Do I speak to her myself first or take DS?

[Rockinhippy]

Your right if course pag none of us can second guess what's going on with the OPs DS - but I don't think I've ever seen a thread on MN that has only give yeah or Nay responses & can it really harm to offer another possibility for the OPs DSs - yes of course getting checked out is the way to go, but that's already been said - I was just offering reassurance that it doesn't have to be a worry.

& you are very lucky if all 3 of yours have had more Mormon sense at this sort of age onwards - mine certainly hasn't & its the same with her large group of same age friends, something us DMs share notes & laugh about, our other friends DCs have been the same - Some now adults themselves & apparently grew out of it by mid - late teens -

I realise I lost text & my post reads a bit vaguely as regards food though - my DD doesn't have this problem with foods, occasionally to a much lesser degree - wont each cheesecake because she doesn't like the contrasting textures - she is sensitive with things like labels in clothes, seams in socks etc etc - something we used to worry about when she was much younger - but has our minds put at rest that it can be all quite normal, especially with brighter DCs

[Pagwatch]

Sure Rockin.
I got the thrust of what you were saying.i just remember with a cold sweat the days of finally thinking 'we need to go to the Dr' and getting bowled over by 'aww but he's lovely...'
I ended up feeling as if I was being negative and horrible about my boy.

But I do take your point and I too think the OP may find many of the issues are sensitivities and situational

[Rockinhippy]

In which case after seeing your update, yes definitely needs following up & sooner rather than later as DX can take a long time depending on where you are - personally I'd see the GP alone first, that way you can talk openly without worry of upsetting your DS.

Good Luck

[lborolass]

I don't see any negatives in having a chat with the doctor. If there is an issue you can indentify it and start to address it, if not all's good and you can stop worrying. The fact that you're asking the question suggets that you think there's something there to be found.

[Rockinhippy]

Good point pag I hadn't thought of it from that POV - we had the opposite with our friends AS DS - everyone close - even the DGM who works quite high up with evaluating SN, tried for years to politely point her towards having him seen by a GP, but both DPs were in denial for years - thankfully her Mum stopped being do polite about it all & he got the right kind of help & is a really wonderful really charming young man & doing quite well in school now too :)

[QueenBoo]

Pagwatch you have just described exactly how I have been feeling about DS. Whenever I mention my concerns to anyone I hear "DS really, but he's so lovely/bright/friendly" and I just feel a bit silly.

[Pagwatch]

It's horrible isn't it Queen.
Other people don't want it to be real and they want the nice feeling of reassuring you. It's all kindly meant.
But it means you have to focus on every negative thing - you are constantly having to think about the negatives. And you start to feel no confidence at all in your own judgement .
But deep down I think we know, we know our child. And helping our child means understanding and clearly seeing where they need help.

[QueenBoo]

It really is Pagwatch.
I want to enjoy DS the same way I enjoy my other 3 children, rather than analyse him all the time. I also want him to be happy and enjoy school and I don't feel he is at the moment.

[Pagwatch]

I really understand. It was exactly the same for me.
It does just come down to finding how best to help them be happy. I hope your GP is helpful.

[FossilMum]

I think as school is mirroring some of your own concerns you should see your GP for advice.

Suggest phone or visit GP on your own first, to give you a chance to discuss the issues out of earshot of your son. Some surgeries will offer appointments for GPs to give preliminary advice over the phone. Obviously you'd then have to visit the GP or a specialist advisor as a family later.

Sounds reminiscent of my nephew's mild Asperger's, but no-one can make a random spot diagnosis on the internet! BTW the nephew is doing just fine at school now, after some specific counselling help.

[QueenBoo]

Thanks to everyone for the advice