flipping furious: dc2's behaviour

[honey86]

my 5 yearolds behaviour is getting ridiculous..
hes been through alot, been in the care system before after he lost his dad to heart failure. he used to be such a lovely happy boy, but since hes become soo naughty, and when i try to discipline him with punishments he just throws a huge tantrum and smacks the wall when hes on the naughty step. rewards and incentives work occasionally but half the time hes too naughty to recieve the reward, or he gets the reward then goes back to being naughty again.

im expecting #4, and relying on lemonade to keep me from heaving. this morning, ds spat in it sometimes he behaves as if hes angry at me for something. hes not like this 100% of the time but enough for it to be a realproblem.

personally i think he could do with a referral to camhs but im not sure how this is done?

any ideas?

[goodiegoodieyumyum]

I don't know if I can offer much help, is he upset that your pregnant? I have a five year old she can be a right nightmare at times, I found one thing that helped me and my husband is the book 123 Magic ( recommended by some lovely mNetters) within a day of reading it had changed our lives.

How old was he when his dad died? Has he had any from of counselling?

[honey86]

he was just 1 when his dad died n he hasnt had any counselling as he was too young. not sure how to get him some xx

[honey86]

wats the book about xx

[Incapinka]

My DNephew has been tricky. His mother committed suicide when he was 8 and he really used to push my DB to the limit with his behaviour. In his case he was doing it to see whether his father loved him and whether he was going to leave him too. Not sure if this makes much sense but reassurance and lots of cuddles may help? Oh and he used to cry a lot but wouldn't tell us why until after 20 minutes of crying he would come out with a really rubbish reason. As in his sock had a hole in it! We were advised to tell him that when he was sad that made us sad too and that we loved him lots. He's now a gorgeous 13 year old. Good luck

[dyslexicdespot]

I am not able to link, but why don't you look up 'aha parenting' - the site offers some really helpful advice and alternatives to traditional methods of punishment.
Good luck!

[honey86]

aww thats so sad i do feel its a little related to his loss, as thats the point where he changed. but i think the spell in the care system made it 100x worse.
he has a book called 'the huge bag of worries' but i might just check out that book too.
its so hard cos i cant undo the past i think a camhs referral wud benefit him but social workers are no longer involved and we are completely discharged now x

[goodiegoodieyumyum]

Honey 123 magic is a parenting book, nothing I was doing for my dd was working regarding discipline, this is a very easy method of how to change both adults and children behaviour's and really helped us.

Do you talk to your son about his father? I can't really offer much advice I don't really know much about Cahms but surely it can't hurt to contact them, maybe they can help with counselling as I think should your GP or even your DS's school be able to.

Has he any male role models in his life, maybe some kind of big brother programme would be helpful, I am not sure if they do them in England.