How the childless judge. Grrr!(29 Posts)
Had a dear friend over to stay the other day who hadn't seen 21mo DD for a good few months. Now, I've known for a long time that she has some very strong (and frankly unrealistic) ideas about how to bring up children. It's something we'd talked about years ago and in the most part, I agreed with her. (By the way, she's one of five who grew up really quite poor outside of the UK and from the sounds of it had to do a lot of fending for herself). I used to agree with a lot of her theories but - big but - this was way before DD was born. Before I knew exactly how flippin' hard it is.
I just felt that she was having little digs at me the whole time she was here, not only about DD's behaviour but about our parenting. For example she relayed this story about being on a train with a kid of a similar age to DD. This little girl had both parents doting on her, being really attentive to everything she was saying. That's apparently A BAD THING because it teaches them they're the centre of the universe. I just thought that sounds exactly like me and DP!
DD is precocious in the real sense of the word and we had a bit of a day of "I want, I want, I want" in the shops but for every "I want" there was also a "please, Mummy can I have..." and it was always averted, never escalated, but I could just see my friend rolling her eyes and thinking what a horrible little girl I've got.
She had a bit of a manic day running around because she was so excited and at one point made a "popcorn puddle" on the carpet. I just thought that was funny, told her off briefly and picked it up.
But when we met up with DP later he says to DD like you do, "have you been good?" and my friend pipes up "well I wouldn't go so far as to say good". She even mentioned DD throwing her popcorn on the floor like that was a BIG DEAL. Humph! I just thought, bloody hell if you think that's bad you should witness AN ACTUAL TANTRUM.
I just feel really judged and shitty about it all and my friend's gone off now and I won't see her for another few months. My daughter's not naughty she's just a very typical nearly two.
That's it. Sorry for the rant!
If you can't see the difference between lightly smacking a 2 year old to stop him throwing food on the floor and one adult hitting another then further conversation is a waste of my time [reaches for HIDE THREAD button]
That's just it though, isn't it? End of conversation. Smack!
I tried smacking once with my DS it actually made him more aggressive, I just stopped and did other types.
I do feel for you OP, because it sounds like you think highly of your friend and enjoy her company and value her opinions- and if you hold similar views on many things of course you want her 'approval' about your parenting and your DD. I have a friend who sounds v similar to yours so I kind of get where you're coming from.
I just think there's not a thing in the world that can be done about it. You don't know til you know, eh?
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