4 year old telling me he doesnt want me to work!(12 Posts)
Can't believe its started already! But DS giving me major guilt trip re the fact I work full time.
He is in preschool which had An amazing soft play after school club, a bit like a mini indoor play centre. When I pick him up, he never runs over to me as he's so busy playing and seems to be having a great time.
But recently he's started this 'you're always late mummy' and 'I don't want to go to soft play every day.' it makes me feel so bad!!
I point out to him that having a mummy who works is a good thing and that because I am self employed I ALWAYS pick him up and have dinner with him and I ALWAYS drop him off and have breakfast with him! It's not like I spend hours commuting and just get in for a bedtime kiss! Whenever he's ill, I take the day off.
I just don't think he has it bad given I'm not a stay at home mum, I love what I do too and I not convinced he finds it that hard either as whenever I see him he's happy!
Just wondering how to deal with it and whether anyone has any advice ?
Am I giving him too much info by even entering into discussion with him (given he has only just turned four!) ?
Just wondering how to best deal with it
Look forward to hearing your thoughts ladies!!
Think I should add this is a new preschool. Before he was in nursery. He actually seems to like the preschool more than nursery but this is the first time he's been exposed to a wave of parents arriving at 3pm and then a second (smaller) wave arriving at 5 or half 5, at end of after school club. At nursery, parents came and want throughout the day and most at end of day, but now I guess there must be a real segregation between those that get picked up at end of school hours and those ( like him) that stay 'later'!
It sounds like you're doing a great job, and have a good work/life balance. Kids are great at pushing parents buttons. Next time, just smile and say "well I can't give up work. We wouldn't have any money".
I sympathise entirely! I am a SAHM but volunteered at the Olympics and my 4yo DC1 laid a major guilt trip on me, crying, being upset every time I left the house to go there. This was only ten days - bearing in mind she has been going to nursery/Pre-school since forever and would have been going regardless of what I was doing!
No advice, but wow they are good at pushing buttons, aren't they?!
It is odd for them when they suddenly realise that some mummies don't work tbh. I went with the matter of fact 'mummy has to work to pay for our food and house', and it seemed to sink in
Thanks for the suggestions and yes they sure do know how to press buttons!
I suppose I want to find some way to install in him a sense of pride in the fact I work. In that if I say I can't give up cos we'd have no money (which is true ha ha but never mind!!) then that makes it seem like I'm forced to work. I suppose I want him more to see that I enjoy my work (as well as needing the ££s), that you can be entreprising in life and that i am not just his slave (which, incidentally i am a lot of the time).
But am possibly over thinking things!!
I just want him to accept that i do work and not question it, but that I work for reasons over and above money. As I want to raise him with a good work ethic.
Thinking about it, I prob am expecting too much cos let's face it, if I was a multi millionaire I wouldnt work!!
CMotdibbler - how long did that take to sink in?!
I think at 4, its enough to think that work is to earn money to give us things - everything else comes later.
It was prob the first term at school - ds went from ft nursery to reception with afterschool club, and the bit of school where people get ready to go home, and if you aren't collected then you go to club was tricky for him as he'd never been aware of it before.
Yea good idea, best keep the concept simple for now!
Hi. I'm a full time working Mum too and completely understand that on top of the daily grind of trying to balance work/motherhood the last thing you need is a big helping if guilt. My eldest (now 18) was exactly the same - I'd like to say that now she's older she has a real appreciation of me keeping a roof over our heads for years (I was a single parent until she was 10) but does she heck! She's told me recently that she feels children should be brought up by their mothers and not hired help. Your child is v young to understand it all and maybe like my daughter they'll never really appreciate why you're working. Don't get too down hearted though, sounds like you've got a good balance and are giving it your all.
SjaneS, your bit about what your 18 year old said to you made me laugh! You're right they will prob never fully understand - unless they become working mums themselves!
If only there was a way to be immune to the guilt/their comments!
Join the discussion
Please login first.